Testimony Tuesday

---I would like to set aside Tuesdays as the day we testify to God's work in our lives.  I say we because I have asked women at the River Church to share what God is doing in their lives and families.  These are their stories!  "They defeated him [the accuser] through the blood of the Lamb and the bold word of their witness." Revelations 12:11 (MSG)---

I am interrupting the testimonies from the retreat to share this one that a beautiful, transparent sister shared with me this weekend.  God loves to meet us where we're at!
  
So this month had been a pretty tough month in terms of my faith. I had come off the women's retreat so confident I had flung things that were holding me back away from me. I spent day after day praising God. Not wanting to pick up the things that kept me from being free. 

As each day passed my thoughts at night would turn to worry. Circumstances seemed insurmountable, fears started to plague me that I never had before. Negative thoughts about my kids, my health, my husband, my family, guilt, broken relationships all started coming into my mind. I'd press into scripture and joy came every morning. But as each day pressed on into the evening I became more vulnerable to the lies. Many times I asked my husband to pray for me. When he did, my peace came back. 

My husband and I had been tithing regularly even though mathematically our budget was telling us we would be going in the red. We cut corners everywhere in order to make it an easier month. Right before the October women's breakfast Our bank account had a zero balance. I barely had any gas and we were out of food in our fridge. I borrowed money from a family member to help pay our last bill but that day I was penny less. 

I prayed on the way to the breakfast but it was more like a tantrum. I tattled on my frustration about money, asking God why when we were being obedient he wasn't showing up. I confessed unbelief to him. I confessed that I didn't trust men and maybe I didn't even trust Him because I thought men weren't there for me for most of my life. I let Him have it. I didn't even cry during my tantrum. I was just mad at him. 

Then I sat through Jill's talk about the difference between knowledge and belief. Everything she said was exactly what I knew. My knowledge was blocking me from believing the most important things God wanted to show me. I was wondering how I was going to feed my family, how I'd get to church on Sunday, how I'd get through. 

Payday wasn't until Tuesday (3 days later). I was in my car looking for change to pay for gas, digging through my purse just to make sure I'd make it home all the while apologizing to God for my unbelief. Telling Him I believed he could help me but I needed an encounter, an experience a touch from him. As I asked him what I should do He whispered... Look at your bank account. I thought He was having me do it because I need to be more diligent, I thought He was having me do it to prepare and steward my money for next week. 

I logged into my bank account from my phone... My check had deposited. The date of the deposit was Tuesday, but it was showing in my bank on Saturday. I had plenty of money. I believe God brought me through this struggle because I desired encounter, presence, experience with him. I confessed my unbelief and I was honest with him about my circumstances. In hindsight I acted like such a brat. I asked for forgiveness and praised him all the way home. I tithed on my paycheck, bought gas and groceries and the blessing I felt that day was immense. 

I appreciated the gas in the car and the food I was able to get on sale at the grocery store. My lunch tasted better. He is so patient with me. I'm excited for my next adventure with Him. The one where I get out of the boat in the middle of the storm and truly believe He has me. He is God. I am not. How thankful I am for His grace, mercy and love.