My perception of Peace

By Jen Kline

Don’t continue doing things the way we’re doing them at present, each of us doing as we wish. Until now you haven’t arrived at the goal, the resting place, the inheritance that God, your God, is giving you. But the minute you cross the Jordan River and settle into the land God, your God, is enabling you to inherit, he’ll give you rest from all your surrounding enemies. You’ll be able to settle down and live in safety. Deuteronomy 10:12 MSG

Growing up, peace was not something I operated out of in my daily life. Because of my need to prove my worth and competency, I looked for ways to keep myself busy. As I've mentioned before, it was a coping mechanism that worked for me at the time. I was too busy proving myself worthy to bother with the understanding of peace.

When I became a Christian I decided I would center my life around my faith and my relationship with Jesus. I wanted to know more about Him, learn who He was, what He left behind and why what He did was so important to my life today.

I was attracted to the concept of peace. Really? You mean you can live on this earth day to day and really have peace? A relationship with God was peaceful? They called him the PRINCE OF PEACE?!?

My curiosity drove me into lots of prayer around this subject. I loved stories from the Bible where Jesus brought the storms to a stand still. I loved how the woman at the well, while being scorned and mocked by the community, was met with peace by Jesus Christ. I was touched by those stories but had a hard time believing this kind of peace was something I could have for myself.

I remember a time when I was in my living room praying. My circumstances were difficult, I was in the midst of broken relationships and discord, finances were tough and I needed peace in my life. The Lord met me just like He met the disciples in the boat and just like He met the woman at the well. As I prayed, I could feel a wash of joy/peace over me. It was like nothing I had ever experienced before. I wasn’t anxious, I was content and I knew the Holy Spirit had met me right where I needed Him to be. It was an experience and a promise I could stand on. It built my faith in God.

In my day-to-day life I desire peace as well, but it always seems out of reach. The busyness of life can distract and keep me so wound up that the struggle for peace is real. I see it even now as the summer has arrived and I am coordinating play dates, time with my husband, kids' schedules, my own schedule, activities, vacations, grocery shopping, church events and so on.

Hoping I’d have a day filled with peace, I’ve often felt disappointed, defeated and frustrated at the fact that my day included things I was not actually prepared for at all. My needs were not being met, random stuff would come out of left field, people would say things that caught me off guard, my health and my schedule would all disrupt my pursuit of peace and I would think… you promised me peace Lord… where is it? Why do I not live out of this place of peace?  

 "Behold, I will gather them out of all the lands to which I have driven them in My anger, in My wrath and in great indignation; and I will bring them back to this place and make them dwell in safety. "They shall be my people, and I will be their God;” Jeremiah 32:37-38

I’ve come to realize that I need a paradigm shift. Peace can thrive in safety and security and I'm realizing that's what I need, but am missing, in my daily life. I need tools to help me understand how to create a safe space to feel what I need, to be present in my relationships, my life, circumstances and feelings. Safe places where I can be real. Safe places where it’s OK to say what I’m thinking and feeling (even if what I’m thinking and saying is negative) without condemnation or judgment.

Being present and honest with who I am is what God desires for my day to day.  It is in our intimacy with God where the Holy Spirit can move in our hearts. Safety, to me, is about being able to choose what I need for me. I value being able to name where I am at and be vulnerable in my relationships and vulnerable with God. If the only thing I can control is me, then I need to “go there” with myself and seek God while I trust in his unending promises of love, security and safety.

As you go about your week and you feel frustrated that the peace has not come, give yourself a safe place to actually let yourself feel what you need. Allow yourself to look inward… seeking the answers to the things that come up. When you get in that space and name what actually is happening, peace comes… and thrives within this safe, secure, vulnerable place between you and the Lord. Receive the gift of safety and security.

What, do you find, keeps you from being in this vulnerable and safe place?

There is Power in Vulnerability

By Jen Kline

I am writing today about this word because I believe it is about to change my life. Let me explain.

Growing up it has always been very hard for me to be vulnerable. At some point in my childhood I made a decision that the world around me was not safe and that I needed to protect myself. Protecting myself meant I could not be vulnerable, especially around people. So for years I found ways to avoid being in a place of vulnerability.

I would ignore conflict. I would suppress feelings. I would avoid certain relationships. I would distract myself with being busy and producing and being very involved in anything I could get my hands on. I worked hard and often. I filled my social schedule with anything I could put in it. I did everything big. I even filled the air with my own voice, talking so much in the hopes I could drown out anything that would tell me it was OK to slow down enough to be in a vulnerable place. Sounds exhausting doesn’t it? Well, it was, but let me tell you that what I did as a child and the things I did to protect myself were healthy for me. It was a natural way for me to process all that was happening around me and I’m thankful for it. But 43 years later, it’s exhausting. I’m done. Cashed in. I can’t do it anymore.

This is a new season of facing the vulnerable parts of who I am and this life I have and it’s time to move forward in a way that is good for me. In a way that is real to the people around me and in a way that is honest about my journey with God.

With this journey I am on The Lord is revealing so much to me as I’ve slowed down. He’s spoken beautiful things, brought back precious memories and allowed me to feel a wide range of feelings I was avoiding for all of these years. Often when I am in this place I look to Jesus to see His response to the very human things we deal with, the very hard things on this earth. And I had this thought; When I watched my husband play Jesus in The River Church’s production of The Passion Play, the hardest part of that story for me was when Jesus the Creator of heaven and earth is standing before Pilate and every one is yelling at Him and there is this question as to whether or not they should pick Barabas or Jesus.

My heart aches at this moment every single time. I’m thinking to myself, JESUS! You are GOD! Stand UP! Fight! Do some kind of amazing miracle to save You from this awful fate. Stop them. Change their minds… yell at them! Hit them, run away, and tell them why they are wrong. Tell them who you ARE! Do whatever you have to do to defend Yourself! But He doesn’t. He actually never does. He’s vulnerable. One thing I know about Jesus is His absolute confidence and connectedness to the Father. And I realize the two ingredients Jesus had to always be in a place of vulnerability.

The first is that He was never ashamed of Who He was or what He was there to do. He was present in every moment on earth. He wasn’t distracted or confused. He knew exactly why He was healing, speaking against the Pharisees, challenging the law, and doing things on Sabbath days. He had no shame.

The second is that He knew He was not alone. Even when He begged God to take this cup from Him I believe He knew that God was with Him. He was fully aware of God's presence with Him each and every moment.

If there is power in vulnerability, imagine what that would look like in our families, in our friendships, in our relationships with friends. What if our language and our conversations with our kids were more compassionate and vulnerable? What if we could actually tell our kids that we were having a hard time feeling some emotions, or even cried in front of them? What if we told our husbands the parts of our hearts we’ve been hiding? What if we could tell our friends that we are having a hard time with our finances or that the thing they said to us the other day hurt us? How would we impact each other? How could we impact our community? We wouldn’t have to win all the time; we wouldn’t desire so much control over other people. We could “name” what we were struggling with and let people know what we are about to say to them is very hard and difficult to our hearts. We could listen and we could love people despite their inability to know how to love us well.

It would change our lives.

It wouldn’t make life easier, but I believe that as we really pay attention to the sadness and the difficulties, we would also experience a richer, more vibrant joy in powerful vulnerability.

Parenting... it's worth it.

By Jen Kline

At the Marriage dinner Jill shared her heart about marriages and new beginnings and I thought to myself how beautiful it is when we can say something is hard, but it’s worth it. I totally agree with her. And then I think about parenting and being a mom and wife and all the things that come with leading a child into all the intricacies of who God created them to be and I think about the glimpses of who I see with each passing year and I see the same thing that is true about marriage is also true about parenting...it is hard, but it’s so worth it.

I’m thankful for the gift of a child. When Grace (my oldest) was born, my first thought literally was, “I do not deserve this beautiful gift.” (I did not understand my identity in Christ at the time)

My second thought was, “ I did not DO THIS. I was the vessel God used to bring this creative beautiful gift to the world, but I really had no part in it other than carrying her and nurturing her while I ate lots of rice and strawberries and drank orange pop (that's a word for soda in Minnesota). I realized that this gift was so precious to God - He trusted me with her! It was then that I began to realize the true love of God.


After about three weeks of being hunkered down in my house with my precious gift, I decided to venture out with my little brother, Austin, and take her for a walk in our neighborhood. I walked her two blocks down the road in a covered stroller in the horribly muggy month of May in Buffalo, Minnesota! We lived very close to a lake so the mosquitos and bugs were out in full force!

The minute I heard the buzzing little insects flying around her precious skin, I turned around and headed back to the house. The world was just too dangerous for this beautiful gift. I didn’t want her to get hurt. I didn’t want her to experience the things I had experienced. I didn’t want her to be disappointed. I only wanted the best for her. I didn’t realize how hurt I was. I didn’t know my wounds - I just knew I wanted to protect her from all of it. These conditions were too harsh for this precious person. She was too valuable.

As I type this tears are flowing… (I think blogs are really journals disguised as literature ;) So it is in that context (my parenting) that God began me on a journey to understand why I needed him and who I was in him. I needed to understand that so I could show Grace how valuable it was for her. He was showing me why he was valuable and why I needed to receive his love. He felt the exact same way about me that I felt about my daughter. His heart broke when mosquitoes came too close ;) His heart broke when I was sad or disappointed. There was nothing he wouldn’t do for me. It was with those understandings of the preciousness of a child that God began to break my heart, soften it and draw me closer to him.

The Holy Spirit partnered with me the minute my daughter was born. He was there, I heard him. He will not leave or forsake us as we parent. He is close. With every question, he has an answer. With every worry, he’s there to hand it off to. He will do this with us as we position ourselves to hear him. I’m so thankful for that.

It is with this background that I lead our children in riverKIDS and I share my heart with you. I see the preciousness of each child. I see the heart behind each little Garanimals sweatshirt. I look for the beauty in each child that is the image of God. Speaking encouragement to them is my favorite thing to do. Encouraging others to appreciate, see, hear, know and love our kids is my hearts cry. I love letting people know that God builds some amazing things into these people we call kids. We get to slow down, watch for it, talk to them, receive what they have to offer and watch God move. I believe kids are the purest form of his image. If we allow them to be who he created them to be, we will see it.

If we seek him as we parent we will find what we are looking for. The answers will mostly be something he desires to teach us about ourselves (as I’ve learned). The answer will come through the words of the Bible, a beautiful kind loving word, a picture or maybe a gentle breeze.

Matthew 6:33 (MSG) “If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don’t you think he’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.”

And as you do that, your bright-eyed beautiful precious children will watch you walk out the grace and goodness of God in front of them. It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it, I promise.