To Obey

“But Samuel replied, "What is more pleasing to the LORD: your burnt offerings and sacrifices or  your obedience to his voice? Listen! Obedience is better than sacrifice, 

and submission is better than offering the 

fat of rams,"  1 Samuel 15:22

Life as a parent is always exciting - and not always in a good way. I am a “Book Mom” - I read the parenting books and articles and I love the virtues of a schedule. However, I learned within 2 weeks of being a first-time mom - the schedule lasts for about 2 days and then it changes. It adjusts. It’s in a constant state of being tweaked.

Looking back, I now see how God was preparing for me life as a Hospital Mom. Having a child with chronic health problems means that no two weeks are the same - rarely two days! You live with a hospital bag packed. You keep medical records in a folder you can grab on the way out the door in the middle of the night. In the winter, you keep sidewalks plowed to leave in snow storms and the gas tank rarely goes below half a tank.

And somewhere along the road, you even begin to the embrace the chaos. You learn to laugh at odd things. One night, driving into the emergency room, my daughter and I were making up sayings for t-shirts like - “Ask me one more time on a Scale of 1-10…  then we will see what your pain level is!”

There are seasons of peace and then meds changes, bodies change and things get complicated again.

On January 14, 2016, I wrote, “almost half-way through the month. Almost. We were at Day 14 before we went to an emergency room.  It's been 9 months since our last ER vsisit.” That night, we visited two ERs before receiving treatment - the first one was full and her care would have been delayed so long that the likelihood of her being admitted for pain management increased with each 10 minutes. It was frustrating, to say the least. For both of us.

The next day, I received the following reply to my social media post about the night’s events.

“I have to tell you a story... about how God worked a few nights ago. I had to take my little Tyler to Animas Surgical Hospital because he wasn't feeling well. We waited forever to get seen. Never has that happen before there. Then when we were in our room I just kept getting a feeling that I needed to pray for someone across the hall. God just wouldn't let it go.  I have been so far away from him over the last couple of years... but he wasn't letting me let go of the urge to pray for these people (especially a mom) on the room across the hall. I didn't know who was in that room... but I saw your blog on facebook... I know it was you!!!! I have no doubt! I have no question. I don't even have to ask you! You were in the room on the right when you first come through the door... closest to the bathroom. God had me praying for you! He had me pray for peace... comfort... understanding... there were so many words coming to my heart... God put us there, in that room... to pray for you. I told Tyler that I knew I had a friend in that room... someone that needed comfort... and my prayers. God is so awesome! Just thought you should know. Love you my sister!!!”

We were indeed in the first room on the right!  I cried as I read this note. Before I had a need, God had already placed an advocate there to intercede for me! As we waited for the doctors that night, I had excused myself to the restroom where I did what I rarely allow - I broke down in tears. Messy crying. Crouched in the corner of the bathroom, forehead on my knees, sobbing.  No prayers of faith. No words of wisdom. Just one heart-broken mom that my child was in so much pain and there was nothing I could do to help her.

She went on to write: “It was awesome! God is awesome! . . .He was there for you!!! He was there before you! We were there first! Lol.”


The most amazing part of this story is that how God showed this Momma that she was loved - He still knew her name; that she was valued - He knew He could use her to pray; and that His timing was perfect- she was there first.

My friend’s obedience that night began when she chose that hospital to seek care for her child. It continued when she prayed. And in sharing the story, it was completed! I needed to hear how God had made provision for us and also had God redeemed our pain by calling His daughter back to Him.

Where is God calling you to obey today?  It may be simple, even seem silly - but never discount that quiet voice that urges you to Go. Pray. Love. Obey.

The Making of a Hospital Mom

"When the Unthinkable becomes your Reality, 

you have two choices: Regret or Redemption"  ~ The Hospital Mom

On January 27, 1999 the unthinkable became our reality. Our pink and precious daughter of 6 months suffered a massive mid-cerebral arterial stroke. The main artery between her spine and her brain had become blocked from a blood clot at the juncture where it splits into the left and right hemispheres. Worldwide, 1 in 25,000 live births will suffer a stroke each year.  

The years that have followed have been tumultuous. Doctors, therapies, drug studies, seizures, and surgeries. There are times where I felt I have earned doctoral degrees in Physical Therapy, Occupational Therapy, Pharmacology, Neurology, Developmental Pediatrics and Child Psychology from the Mother's Medical Institute.

At any moment I can walk into an emergency room and speak in medical terms with any nurse, doctor or specialist. Pity the poor nurse who argued with me that my child could not possibly have suffered a stroke. "Children do not have strokes," she said with condescending authority.

Ashley was having seizures and I walked into the emergency room in Tulsa, Oklahoma telling the medical team what she needed. I had been on the phone with her neurologist and we agreed I could transport her to the hospital quicker than an ambulance could find me - plus I was already in the car and on my way - and he would meet me there.  

My dad met us at the hospital and while he entertained my 25 month old daughter, I politely asked the nurse to step outside the room. "Never tell a parent in front of a child that they are making up a diagnosis, especially one this horrid," I said with the indignation of a mom who was living the unimaginable. The nurse continued to argue with me as the doctor approached and I told her to go pull up the MRI and CT scans from the past 2 years. "I will," she assured me and stomped off, hands on her hips. And she did. The neurologist arrived, treatment began and later, he brought a very apologetic nurse into the room and assured her that infants do indeed have strokes.  

That night I realized that parents must be advocates for their children. As the years passed, I learned most parents are so intimated by the medical process, hospital personnel and are simply overwhelmed by their situation that they are afraid to speak up. They will accept whatever is told them and not ask questions, advocate for help or seek solutions for their children.  

I have worked with families in numerous settings - adult education centers, as a parent advocate in schools, at church and as a chaplain. The redemption of Ashley's story is in sharing the wisdom, education and experiences we have gained in this struggle.  

Parents of chronically medically challenged children are more likely to divorce, have extra-marital affairs and battle addictions. As their world centers around their children, hospitals and the medical world, they withdraw into themselves and face depression while living in a constant state of regret - the "would of, could of, should of" state of mind.  

Our purpose is simple:

         To provide Hope and Humor to Families of Chronically Medically Challenged Children. 

The ways we do that are numerous:

         Website - Hospitalmom.net

         Facebook - Hospital Mom

         Writing for Blogs like this one and at HospitalMom.net

         Answering Emails of Hurting Families at      
                    Kim@hospitalmom.net

         H.O.P.E. Delivery Bags for Caregivers at Hospitals

Currently, I am writing a book to bring Hope to Families. The following is an excerpt from "Beautifully Complicated," the story of redeeming the hurt in our lives in order "to Know HIM and Make HIM Known."

from BEAUTIFULLY COMPLICATED

“This is my Father’s World

and to my listening ears

    All nature sings and ‘round me rings

The beauty of the sphere.”

Eighteen years ago I first sang this song to my infant baby girl. Born early - eager to change our world. Born tiny - proving size does not matter. Born the baby sister - her brother in love with her before she was before. Born a surprise - her daddy named her the moment he saw the positive pregnancy test. 

“This is my Father’s World

I rest me in the thought

   Of rocks and trees; of skies and seas

His hand the wonders wrought.”

Fifteen times I have laid her on an operating table and sang those words in her ear as she drifted to sleep. Sometimes easily.  Sometimes fearfully, gripping my hand.  Sometimes I have had tears in own voice and many times, I have sang to a room full of surgeons and technicians who came to the operating theater because they had heard of this family who sang before surgery and wanted to experience the peace that is in the room.

Three times I have sang this hymn in the surgery waiting room because that facility did not allow me to accompany her into the operating room.

Eighteen surgeries.  

        Thousands of miles driven in rain, snow, sunshine and shadow. 

        Months our family has lived apart - separated by 8 hours and the Rocky Mountains.

        Dozens of professionals. Hundreds of medications. Thousands of phone calls to doctors.  
Ten Thousands of hours in research by specialists and parents.   

        Millions of prayers raised by family, friends and even strangers.

This indeed is My Father's World. The Unthinkable will happen because this world is in a fallen state where the sin of mankind has brought heartache. Yet God redeems the pain of our fallen state to help each other. When we help each other that pain becomes bearable, even manageable as we allow Him to reveal His glory as we live other lives for others.  

           “This is my Father's world. 

                    O let me ne'er forget 

              that though the wrong seems oft so strong, 

                   God is the ruler yet. 

            This is my Father's world: 

                   why should my heart be sad? 

            The Lord is King; let the heavens ring! 

                  God reigns; let the earth be glad!”

Are you living the Unthinkable?  

Where you never dreamed you would be?

Are you living in Regret - depressed, lonely, self-pity -  or in Redemption?

As you listen to the song below, go to God in Prayer and 

ask the Father -

"How will you redeem the pain in my life?  

Who can I serve?"

"This is Our Father's World"

Our Favorite Version! Enjoy!

  Amy Grant "This Is My Father's World"

Drawing Back the Bow

By Tiffany Bleger

My oldest daughter has spent the last year or so slowly learning the sport of archery. Never having shot a bow either, I found myself in the position to learn a completely new skill in order to teach it to my daughter. It has taken a considerable amount of grace and patience on both our parts, but she is learning to enjoy this new sport she has discovered. 

A few months ago, I was reading in Psalms and stumbled across these verses:

I could see in my mind's eye my daughter, grown, releasing arrows into the sky with skill and confidence. Releasing her destiny. When children are ready, they will be released from our homes like arrows from a bow, full of power and strength. They have the capability of flying straight and true to their appointed destiny. 

As I was mulling over this image, Father asked me what it takes to release an arrow properly. He and I discovered together four aspects of an excellent archer: patience, concentration, strength, and tension. All four are required for an arrow to fly to its greatest potential. 

Patience:

It takes time to place an arrow in the string, to line up the target. It takes composure and self-control to wait for the wind to blow in a favorable direction, for your heartbeat and breathing to settle down. An arrow shot out of wildness or agitation will not fly as consistently as one released from calmness. 

Concentration:

A key component of archery is laser-focus on the target. You have to be able to see exactly where you want that arrow to hit, and nothing else. Your arrow follows your eye - if your attention is pulled to anything but your target, that is where your arrow will fly. 

Strength:

It takes tremendous muscle strength to draw the bow back and hold it steady while aiming. Even a child's training bow can weigh 20 pounds. You do not build that strength overnight. It takes consistent repetition to train your muscles to pull the bow back to its optimum tension. And that optimum tension is what gives the arrow its speed. 

Tension:

Oh the tension! The facet of archery most would like to forget is the most essential. You can have the other three aspects, but without the tension, the arrow will not fly. The speed at which the arrow will fly is directly proportional to the amount of tension with which the archer draws back the arrow. Little tension equals little flight. Full tension equals full flight. 

We were in the midst of a difficult situation with one of our daughters when Father taught me this lesson about archery. I found such hope in the realization that all four, including tension, were necessary for my little arrows to fly straight someday. It gave me such courage to continue to persevere with the girls, that the hard work and training would see a reward. 

And then Father stopped me dead in my tracks. 

"My daughter. What of the situation I've placed you in now?" 

The "situation" is a struggle we have been battling in my husband's business for the last five months. Some aspects of this struggle have come about as consequences of our choices. But other aspects have been completely out of our control. And it has been incredibly difficult to get up every morning and continue fighting. To continue hoping and believing the promises in spite of the struggle. 

"My daughter," He said to me, "I have allowed you to remain in this situation. You have dreams and passions that I have given you both. But those dreams will not be realized to their full potential unless you allow Me to draw back the bow. Will you show the patience, concentration, and strength needed to release your arrows? Will you allow Me to extend the tension to its tightest, and release only when I know you're ready? If you are done, if you truly no longer want this, I will allow release. But know that when you make the choice to release, your arrow will not fly as I have calculated. The arrows I've designed for you will fly their best when you allow Me to hold the bow, when you allow My strength to draw back the string, when you allow My patience and concentration to focus on the target, and when you allow the tension I have designed to hold the arrow back until I decide to release the arrow."

And here we find the crux. We each have dreams, arrows we want to see fly. Are we willing to let Him hold the bow? Are we willing to submit to His strength, or are we trying to pull back the draw on our own? Is our concentration solely on Him, or are we allowing distractions to pull us away from our target?  Can we be patient and wait for His timing? And are we willing to feel the tension? 

Parenting... it's worth it.

By Jen Kline

At the Marriage dinner Jill shared her heart about marriages and new beginnings and I thought to myself how beautiful it is when we can say something is hard, but it’s worth it. I totally agree with her. And then I think about parenting and being a mom and wife and all the things that come with leading a child into all the intricacies of who God created them to be and I think about the glimpses of who I see with each passing year and I see the same thing that is true about marriage is also true about parenting...it is hard, but it’s so worth it.

I’m thankful for the gift of a child. When Grace (my oldest) was born, my first thought literally was, “I do not deserve this beautiful gift.” (I did not understand my identity in Christ at the time)

My second thought was, “ I did not DO THIS. I was the vessel God used to bring this creative beautiful gift to the world, but I really had no part in it other than carrying her and nurturing her while I ate lots of rice and strawberries and drank orange pop (that's a word for soda in Minnesota). I realized that this gift was so precious to God - He trusted me with her! It was then that I began to realize the true love of God.


After about three weeks of being hunkered down in my house with my precious gift, I decided to venture out with my little brother, Austin, and take her for a walk in our neighborhood. I walked her two blocks down the road in a covered stroller in the horribly muggy month of May in Buffalo, Minnesota! We lived very close to a lake so the mosquitos and bugs were out in full force!

The minute I heard the buzzing little insects flying around her precious skin, I turned around and headed back to the house. The world was just too dangerous for this beautiful gift. I didn’t want her to get hurt. I didn’t want her to experience the things I had experienced. I didn’t want her to be disappointed. I only wanted the best for her. I didn’t realize how hurt I was. I didn’t know my wounds - I just knew I wanted to protect her from all of it. These conditions were too harsh for this precious person. She was too valuable.

As I type this tears are flowing… (I think blogs are really journals disguised as literature ;) So it is in that context (my parenting) that God began me on a journey to understand why I needed him and who I was in him. I needed to understand that so I could show Grace how valuable it was for her. He was showing me why he was valuable and why I needed to receive his love. He felt the exact same way about me that I felt about my daughter. His heart broke when mosquitoes came too close ;) His heart broke when I was sad or disappointed. There was nothing he wouldn’t do for me. It was with those understandings of the preciousness of a child that God began to break my heart, soften it and draw me closer to him.

The Holy Spirit partnered with me the minute my daughter was born. He was there, I heard him. He will not leave or forsake us as we parent. He is close. With every question, he has an answer. With every worry, he’s there to hand it off to. He will do this with us as we position ourselves to hear him. I’m so thankful for that.

It is with this background that I lead our children in riverKIDS and I share my heart with you. I see the preciousness of each child. I see the heart behind each little Garanimals sweatshirt. I look for the beauty in each child that is the image of God. Speaking encouragement to them is my favorite thing to do. Encouraging others to appreciate, see, hear, know and love our kids is my hearts cry. I love letting people know that God builds some amazing things into these people we call kids. We get to slow down, watch for it, talk to them, receive what they have to offer and watch God move. I believe kids are the purest form of his image. If we allow them to be who he created them to be, we will see it.

If we seek him as we parent we will find what we are looking for. The answers will mostly be something he desires to teach us about ourselves (as I’ve learned). The answer will come through the words of the Bible, a beautiful kind loving word, a picture or maybe a gentle breeze.

Matthew 6:33 (MSG) “If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don’t you think he’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.”

And as you do that, your bright-eyed beautiful precious children will watch you walk out the grace and goodness of God in front of them. It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it, I promise.

Are You Enough?

Last week was the biggest event in football - the Super Bowl.  Did you watch the dramatic ending?  Or were you more focused on the commercials?  I admit to both.  I enjoy watching a good game and the good commercials are always fun.  There was a lot of drama surrounding this year's game and personally as a Bronco fan, I didn't really care too much who won.  I'm not a fan of either team.  But something hit me when I heard the news about the Patriot's homecoming celebration in Boston.

They had delayed the big parade because of the weather, which still wasn’t great the day of the parade but the fans still showed up in huge numbers to cheer on the Super Bowl Champs.  As I was listening to the radio news describe the event, the broadcaster remarked at how the Patriots were holding up four fingers to the fans, representing the four Super Bowl victories they had won since 2002 under the leadership of Bill Belichick.  A pretty remarkable feat no matter how you feel about the team.

What surprised me, and made me a little sad, was what the broadcaster said next.  As the Patriots held up four fingers, the fans held up five – signifying they wanted five wins now.  Wow.

As if four wasn’t a great accomplishment in and of itself, the fans wanted more.  Four is great but five is better!  Almost immediately I heard the Lord remind me, “The world will always want more.  You can never do enough or be enough to satisfy them.”

How true.  I have encountered this more times than I’d care to admit.  How many times have I tried harder, worked longer, made up my hair/face/clothes to match the magazines, read the blogs on being a better wife, mom, homeschool parent, friend, pastor’s wife etc… All to no avail.  I fall flat when I listen to what the world wants. 

You didn’t yell at your kids today?  Good for you.  Now make sure they excel in sports and education.  Cooked a gourmet, organic meal?  Eh.  Grow your own veggies if you really cared about your family.  Went on a date with your hubby? Make sure that your body looks like the model on the magazine or he’ll look elsewhere. 

It’s enough to make you crazy and feel like you’re a hamster in a wheel.  Running and running but never really getting anywhere.

But then I tune my ears to God. I seek Him first and I measure up every time.  Not because I am perfect but because He is.  I'm always growing and changing but it isn't to please the un-pleasable, it's submitting to the One Who knows me intimately and wants the best for me and my family. Opposite of the cookie cutter, impossible to achieve expectations the world gives us. 

Feeling like just when you get ahead you discover you're actually far, far behind?   Who are you listening to?

Testimony Tuesday - the power of community

My WORST. MOM. MOMENT. EVER. EVER. EVER. EVER.

It had been planned for over a month… Asha was supposed to ride the Polar Express with a somewhat older friend of mine, her daughter, and more specifically with her granddaughter, Nicole, on Tuesday night December 30^th. These two little girls are really good friends…even though they only see each other once a year, as Nicole lives in OK. Due to poor planning, miscommunication with Shawn, and just flat being an irresponsible idiot... WelI…I proceeded to have my WORST. MOM. MOMENT. EVER. EVER. EVER. EVER. The train was pulling away RIGHT IN FRONT OF US as we were caught at a stoplight on Main St. and College Ave. (1 block from the train station)!!!!! Asha and I ran like Cheetahs into the train station…only to be told… “I’m sorry girls…it’s too late to get on the train.” I remember Asha peering up at me with her big, brown eyes and asking, “But Mama…how am I gonna get on the train???” I said nothing. I couldn’t. I was absolutely numb. This was BY FAR my LOWEST. MOM. MOMENT. EVER. EVER. EVER.

The walk back to my friends Jeep (she drove us into town driving like Mario Andretti)…was the LONGEST of my life. No words were said. There I was…walking back to the Jeep, hand in hand, with my sweet, precious, innocent, lil' girl...as the train went the OTHER direction. Asha climbed into the back seat, completely silent. I breathed the BIGGEST breath that I could muster and turned around to face my daughter… It was dark in the Jeep, but the street light caught her sweet, precious face. It was then that I noticed two big tears roll down her saddened face. That sight brought the waterworks for both of us, while my sweet friend sat quietly in the driver’s seat. We both sat and BAWLED our eyes out... I repented to her. Told her it was ALL MY FAULT. My heart ACHED for HERS… I had messed up MONUMENTALLY… She just sat there with her lil' innocent tears streaming down her face.

So...we took her to Durango Joe's to get a “peace offering” hot coco, heavy on the whip and sprinkles. We waited for the train to return (it's only gone an hour). Then we waited for my friend, her daughter, and Nicole to get off the train. We met them in the train store, only for me to get called "The Doghouse Girl" by Nicole’s mom and then I was told by my friend that Nicole was crying for Asha as the train pulled away from the station. DOUBLE DAGGER on top of an already gaping wound… I didn't sleep very well at all that night... I kept waking up with the sight of Asha sitting in the back seat of the car...tears rolling down her sweet face. Siiiiiigh... I was grieving for my daughter, her heart, my heart… I couldn’t carry this. I needed JESUS to carry this burden for me. I got up and began to talk, pray, sob, and tried my best to give HIM my hurt... I heard him say, “Text Jen (Kline) and share what happened. I am going to speak to you, through her…” I did just that. At the end of my mile long text to her…I said to Jen, “Just wanted to share this with you, knowing you would have some encouraging words for me...” I did not tell her that the LORD had directed me too.

The LORD is FAITHFUL when we do what HE says… This was Jen’s text to me:

“I actually have tears as I’m typing this. I can’t imagine how you must feel. I think the reason I am crying is because I know how much you LOVE to bless your kids. And it makes me sad to know how sad you must have been/are. I will pray for Asha and her dealing with the disappointment and I think it is SO HUGE that you prayed with her... Trust that God will instill in her a grace giving loving heart because of you taking it back to Jesus. You are not perfect. There are no parent "fails." Everything we try and do with our kids is something God can use for his glory. He wastes nothing. The Polar Express is fleeting... Jesus is eternal... Asha will always be better because if you walking out your journey in front of her. You show her what the grace and goodness of GOD looks like and you will never go wrong. Ever.”

Jen sent a second text… “On another note, I was actually just thinking about how beautifully you plan things to do with your family, how you think ahead, consider the "fun" things you can do together, little trips, going back to MN to see family. Your children have a FULL and blessed life! And it is largely because of the efforts you make and have made since the day Asha & Caleb were born. Cut yourself a whole lot of slack on the “Grace-o-Meter.... You rock. You are a kick a** mom!!!”

I guess my point in sharing this BAD. MOM. MOMENT. with all of you is this… WE NEED EACH OTHER… WE REALLY DO!!! I could have wallowed in self-pity, guilt, sorrow, disgust…at the pain I caused EVERYONE involved… But, chose instead to bring a girlfriend into my “moment”. GOD used Jen to speak TRUTH into what the enemy wanted me to sit and ruminate on… TRANSPARENCY brings FREEDOM and is LIFE-GIVING ladies!!! It may suck to share your “crap”…but you WILL be a better woman, mom, sister, daughter, friend…because of it!

That’s RIGHT…I am a KICK A** Mom!!!

Lynn Dearey

Testimony Tuesday -- Praying Parent!

From Sarah Dombrowski:
 
One of the gifts that God has given me (but I haven't utilized and explored nearly enough) is prayer.  While I was pregnant with my almost two year old, Joshua, I read "Praying Through Your Pregnancy", which uses a lot of scripture in it's prayers.  I have seen every prayer I prayed over him during that time come to fruition.  

One of those prayers was that he would have a hunger for scripture.  When Joshua was born, I asked God for a scripture to pray over his life. He gave me 1 Samuel 16:18.  It lists six attributes of David that I wanted Josh to have.  I prayed that for the first year of his life, keeping it on our bathroom mirror as a reminder.  

Around his first birthday, I asked God what the next step was.  He told me to pull the scripture apart, and define those attributes by other scriptures.  I took those twelve scriptures and wrote them on post it notes, and placed them on the wall above Josh's changing table.  Every time I changed him, I would read a few to him. 

A few months into reading them, he would point to himself as I read; "mighty man of valor", "skillful in playing", "the Lord is with him".  What a cool thing to see Josh do, already claiming those words over his life!  I wish I did that so easily!  Now he is INSISTENT that the scriptures must be read every time he is changed.  He points at the wall and babbles forcefully, urging us to read them to him.  His hunger for scripture is already there!  

I share this, not as a pat on my back, but to say that prayer, especially praying the scriptures, will work in your life too!  Ask God to reveal a verse, or maybe a chapter to you, something special He wants to share with you for this time in your life.  Ask for one for your kids, your husband, your parents, your friends, your coworkers.  I guarantee that as you pray over them, change will come, you will see breakthrough in their lives, and you are memorizing scripture without even trying.  I know God has something neat He wants to give each one of us, if we take the time to dig into His word!