Undulation

By Tawna Wilkinson

The other day, while reading a chapter of The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis, I came across a term called: the “Law of Undulation.”

The context was that human beings have an undulating relationship with everything and everyone, including their relationship with God. And by not realizing this “law,” when we are in a “trough,” as Lewis expresses it, it can lead a person into depression, or complacency.

I was intrigued, because I was in the middle of a “trough,” and had been there for a discouraging month. So, wanting to be clearer regarding undulation’s meaning, I looked it up.

• Undulate: “To move in waves or with a smooth wavelike motion. To increase and decrease in volume or pitch.” (New American Heritage Dictionary)

After that, I was reminded of a phrase from the Message translation the Lord used to encourage me during another “trough” a few years back:

• “Learn the unforced rhythms of grace.” (Matthew 11:29)

A stirring appreciation enveloped me as I received a new understanding that life truly is a series of undulating experiences; wavelike motions moving me back and forth, and up and down relationally, for the purpose of teaching me the unforced rhythms of His grace.

Then, I flashed on the first week of creation. How God demonstrated the “Law of Undulation” quite nicely. Those first seven days were nothing but sweet wavelike motions emanating from Him while He spoke night and day, earth and sky, evening and morning. He established the law of ebb and flow. And He created me in His image.

What’s more, when sin did enter the picture, He didn’t change His mind. Ecclesiastics 3:1-8 makes this clear:

• “To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance…."

And when Jesus arrived on the scene, He continued modeling the same unforced rhythms smack dab in the middle of the brokenness, assuring me I can do the same.

Yes, sin did mess with conditions, as well as my perception of this “Law of Undulation.” However, my being aware that this was God’s design, it is His way of being, and it still is His will that I reflect the same, will better equip me to move more freely while learning the unforced rhythms of grace. And it will help me guard against being lead into the smothering heavy of depression, or complacency during my “trough” times.

Beautiful!

I Need a Clean Sweep

By Jill Palmer

I was driving past a storage place one time and the sign out front read "Too much stuff? Store it here. First month's rent is free!" 

My first thought was that I would give stuff away before I had to pay someone to store it for me. If you're moving that's different but I personally don't want to own more stuff then I can keep at my own house. Paying someone to store my junk doesn't make sense to me. And I don't know if you've noticed this or not but these storage facilities are going up everywhere! We live in a culture with so much extra. 

We find ourselves with extra things that need storing. We see the sign "first month free" and we find our solution! 

BUT THEN comes the sneaky part. As soon as that first month is over they start charging your credit card to pay rent on the unit. You see the charge on your card and say to yourself "I've got to go through that storage unit and get rid of stuff and not pay any more rent." 

And you do that for months....

As I was musing over that The Lord spoke to me and said that is what we do with our emotional junk. We aren't willing to part with old wounds, aren't willing to forgive, aren't wanting to let things go that we were never meant to carry. And so we store it. And the enemy tempts us and says it's okay...the first month is free! 

And it seems like such a good deal so we do it. "I'm mad at so and so and they don't deserve my kindness." We decide to hold onto something. And at first it's fine. No big deal. It's "free". 

Ya see, each of us has our own storage unit full of past hurts, unforgiveness and wounds. And every once in a while we are reminded that we are "paying" for them. Something happens that reminds us of what's in the "storage unit".  And we promise we'll deal with it soon so we don't have to keep on paying that rent. 

And we do that for months....or years...

See where this is going? This next picture might make you chuckle. 

Jesus wants to come in and help you clean out your storage unit. He wants to go through all that stuff that's been packed in there for years.  Sort through what is to keep and what is to dump. And He sticks with you throughout the whole process! It's like Clean Sweep! Remember that show on TLC several years ago?! 

He says in his word that His yoke is easy and His burden is light.  If you are feeling weighed down by the world then maybe it's time to let Jesus into your storage unit and help you clean it out. And stop paying the enemy to store your junk! 

Have you been paying the enemy to store your junk and saying to yourself "I'll get to it later"? How can you begin to take steps towards a "Clean Sweep"?

Mining the Treasure Within

By Jill Palmer

 
This month our little town made national news because of the toxic waste that the EPA accidentally dumped into our river - the Animas river. Three million gallons of the nasty yellowish stuff came slowly down the mountain from Silverton and right through the middle of our town. Within just a day or so it had moved on and continued its journey south leaving our river a little yellower on the side but other than that it looks much the same as before this happened. 

Naturally this upset a lot of people, myself included. So heartbreaking to see this in your own town and wonder just what was in the water and what the effects of this toxic nastiness would be on the environment. TV crews have been here, the governor has been here (and even drank the water! Ew!) and hundreds of people looked over bridges to see the sludge go by (myself included). 

The quick history of it is this: We're a mining town and have been for over a hundred years. There are hundreds of mines north of us. When you mine there is always waste material and the waste material gets moved by water. And much of  that water goes into the Animas. The Animas has never been a clean river since mining started in this part of the country. It's never been safe to drink. It wasn't before the accident happened and it certainly isn't now. The EPA was trying to clean it up and the accident occurred. Who knows if it was on purpose or not. What matters is that it happened. Coincidentally, the night it came through our town there was a huge rainstorm!

So what are we to do?

We pray. 

And that's what we did. I meet with a group of ladies a couple times a month and we pray for our church, our community, our town, our nation and our world. At one of our recent meetings the Lord put it on my heart to pray for our river. As I did He showed me how this toxic waste mess can relate to my own toxic waste mess in the supernatural (the supernatural is represented in the natural and it's one of the coolest things!).

I saw my life as the mineshaft and God was mining for treasure - pure treasure. As He mines, there is waste in the run off. Basically it's always there. It's my old life leaving and the new treasure being discovered. 

My own toxic waste leaks out over time. Often it doesn't hurt lots of people but sometimes it can. Truly it's part of the process of getting it out and the treasure coming to the surface. 

Occasionally a circumstance can seriously poke my "mine" and when that happens lots of toxic waste can come out in gallons! Lots and lots. And it can affect lots and lots of people. Ugh. The ugliness of my own yuck blown wide open for others to see. How fabulous.

But God reminded me of the rainstorm He brought to heal the Animas. He does that in my life too. His Spirit floods my soul, cleanses me of the toxic nastiness and brings healing to myself and others.

I have continued to meditate on this word picture over the last several weeks and it has deepened as He reveals more and more layers to this analogy. Truly His Living Water heals my soul. 

What treasure is God mining in you right now? How can we allow the waste to run-off instead of explode in a huge mess? 

You Are the One Jesus Loves

By Tiffany Bleger

I used to really dislike the Apostle John. 

There. I said it. 

I feel like lightning may come down at any moment. 

But I truly didn't. I struggled with his personality and character in the bible. I couldn't even stand to read the book of John more than the once a year prescribed by my reading plan. And, according to some Christians I know, that admission alone is cause to question my salvation. But I honestly didn't. 

However, like most lessons I've learned along this Christ-following journey, the reasons had far more to do with me than they did with poor John. 

When I became a Christian and began studying the Scriptures, I viewed the world through the lens of self-hatred. I saw absolutely nothing worthy of love in myself. And so, this "beloved disciple" and the "one Jesus loved" seemed arrogant and pretentious when viewed through my tainted lenses. What made him so special? Why did he get to be the one Jesus loved? Did that mean Jesus loved the other disciples less?

John's claims of love confirmed my performance-driven, self-loathing, flawed view of God. In my mind, there was a sliding scale of His love. People like John and King David (check out his deathbed confession in 2 Samuel 23:1) were at the top. Those were the people God truly loved. Those were the people God enjoyed. 

In the middle were most everybody else - the people who seemed to have it all together at church. The people who smiled and prayed and hugged and didn't seem to be faking it. 

Further down were the people who struggled with addictions and sins, but were truly repentant and trying to make an honest go of it. 

Even further were those who didn't love God, who hadn't accepted Him or who had flat-out rejected Him. 

Finally, at the very bottom, was me. I was loved only because the verse says, "For God so loved the world..." If He didn't love me, He would have been a liar. But, beyond that, I could see no reason why He would choose to love me.

But, ever so slowly, God began to change my lenses. He began to show me how He loves me, not because He had to, but because He wants to. He began to remove the self-loathing, the performance-driven fear. For the first time, I began to understand that love. And I began to see John through a new light. 

"The disciple Jesus loved" wasn't arrogant or pretentious, he was filled with a holy confidence. He had looked into the eyes of Jesus and received the love that was never forced. He intimately knew the sacrifice and love that had been poured out for him on Calvary. 

He knew what his identity, his "title" had cost him. 

John chose to describe himself as beloved because that title was precious. It was costly. It was worth honor. 

Do you see where I'm going with this, dear sister? Do you see that this is you? Perhaps you are like I was, drowning in the sea of self-hatred. Are you jealous of those who seem safe on the boat? Do you see the lifeline, the love, being offered to you? And are you willing to let go of those stones, those lies, so that you can hold on to love with everything you have?

You are the one Jesus loves. You are the beloved disciple. You can walk in the same holy confidence as John and David, secure in the knowledge that you are intimately loved and treasured by the Creator of the Universe. But that is not a title anyone else can give you. That is the title you choose for yourself.  

Can you believe this for yourself? What has kept you from knowing how much you are loved?

Getting Burned

By Tiffany Bleger

Recently I spent the better part of the day burning a slash pile on our property. For those who are unfamiliar with country life, a slash pile is a big pile of dead branches, sticks, leaves, grass clippings, etc.  It looks something like this:

For my naturally introverted self, it was a great day. Almost 7 hours of virtually uninterrupted alone time. It gave me lots of time to sit and think. To ask Father questions and be able to wait for the answer. 

It is fascinating for me to sit in front of a fire. I love watching what starts as a tiny flame...

... quickly turning into a raging inferno. 

I can stare at a fire for hours. The beauty and simplicity of the flames. The ease with which fire consumes everything in its path. The tenacity and determination to push through obstacles. Eventually, everything a fire touches will be reduced to ash. 

Many times throughout that day, the fire was simply too hot for me to approach. The sheer heat of the inferno would cause my skin to redden and burn if I got too close. It gave me a new appreciation for the story of Shadrach, Meshach, Abednego, and the blazing furnace from Daniel 3, that's for sure!

So what, you may ask, did Father have to say to me that day? Well, as it turns out, He taught me about gold. Did you know that the average temperature of a wood bonfire, like mine, is about 1,100 degrees Celsius? And that the melting point of gold is 1,064 degrees Celsius? This means that the fire I could not approach without getting burned would have melted gold had I thrown any in. 

Do you know why gold is melted?  When gold ore comes out of the mine, the gold is embedded in other rocks and minerals. It looks much like this:

(This picture is actually iron pyrite, also knows fool's gold. But it looks incredibly similar, almost indiscernible, to gold when it comes out of the earth in its ore form.) 

The only way to get the gold by itself is to melt it down. Melting the gold down into its liquid form allows all impurities and other minerals to separate from the gold. Once the gold has gone through the intense heat of the flame, it is left in its purest form. 

Do you see where I'm going with this yet?

You are that gold, dear sister. You are a treasure, a precious metal in the eyes of your Father. But you have come out of this world (the mine) with covered in junk. Covered in the impurities and scars that a broken and fallen world will leave. And you can choose to remain that way, if you want, but your Father wants so much more for you. He wants you to shine like gold was always created to shine. 

I did not leave that slash pile the entire day. I watched it, carefully. By my side were the tools I needed to keep the fire in check. I wanted it to burn, and burn hot, but I never let the flames get too high, nor did I let the fire escape the boundary I designed. There is a purpose to fire and it is healthy when kept in its place. 

Father will do that for you. You may be in the fire right now, you may have just come out of the fire, or you may not be anywhere close to the flame. But, I can guarantee that we will all be in it at some point. Are you willing to let Him turn up the heat?  Are you willing to trust that He is constantly watching the fire, tending the border and keeping the flames in their rightful place?  Are you willing to let Him burn away the impurities? 

Know, dear sister, that He will not leave you in that liquid state. He will not burn off the impurities and then forget about you. Once the gold has been melted and the impurities removed, the goldsmith pours the liquid gold into a mold of his own design. You see, gold cannot be molded unless it has been melted. If you allow Father to melt you, He will mold you, and you will come out of it looking more and more like Him. 

Redefining Healing

By Tiffany Bleger

A little over a year ago, I had the opportunity to spend six days away with God in the wilderness. It was a beautiful time of healing for my soul and my heart. I had taken the last of my depression medication while I was away, and knew I needed to refill the prescription when I got home. But I also knew that we didn't have the money to afford it right then. I had not gone more than a few days without the medicine in years. Those times that I had were not pretty. But, I clearly heard His voice whisper, "Trust Me in this."  And so I did. 

One day became two. Two became a week. Before I knew it, I had gone a month without the medicine. It was hard. Withdrawals are neither easy nor pretty, let me tell you! But I had done it, leaning on that promise of "Trust Me". The time came when we had the money to afford the prescription again. But when I asked Father, His reply of "Trust Me" told me all I needed to know. It was clear that I was not to go back on the medication.

I mistakenly took God's promise of "Trust Me" to mean that He was going to completely remove the depression immediately. So, when that first bad bout of darkness overwhelmed me again, I thought I had failed. I thought that somehow I had messed up and God changed His mind. That I wasn't worthy of receiving healing.  I had lived with depression for so long that down days were my normal. Taking the medicine had helped keep the darkness at bay, but it also numbed me. I didn't feel the bad as deeply, but I didn't feel joy either. However, as Father began this journey of healing and restoration, I began to experience true good days. They were refreshing. They were sunshine and warmth to my soul. And they went against everything the lies of perfectionism and depression were screaming. Clearly, God hadn't abandoned me. He was healing me, just not like I expected. 

I've now gone almost 14 months without the medication. There is absolutely no way I could have done this under my own power. I could barely function on my own with the medicine! Each time the darkness returns, and it has, I learn a little more. I learn to reach out to Him sooner. I learn to reach out to my family and friends sooner.  I learn to identify the darkness sooner. 

My healing has not come how I expected. I never know if the next bout will be the last, or if this battle will continue for a lifetime. Some days it is really hard to have hope, to trust His word over the lies. But I do know now that the bad days will end. That the more I cling to the hem of His garment, the easier it is to climb out of the pit and find the light. 

Recently, Father revealed a lie I had believed. I thought that, in order to be able to talk about depression and encourage other women, I had to be healed. Completely. That I didn't have a testimony to share if I still battled the depression. And then, just this week, Father led me to this verse:

Hmm.  Paul had an amazing testimony. And never really shut up about God. Yet, he had a weakness. A weakness he begged God to remove. That verse was God's reply. God used Paul's weakness, his "thorn in the flesh" to witness to the world. Maybe God can use me. And maybe he can use you. Maybe, just maybe, He wants to take that part of you that breaks your heart and use your journey to help someone else. Maybe, just maybe, He wants to take the parts of your past that causes you shame to show the world His power. May our weaknesses be used for His glory. 

There is Power in Vulnerability

By Jen Kline

I am writing today about this word because I believe it is about to change my life. Let me explain.

Growing up it has always been very hard for me to be vulnerable. At some point in my childhood I made a decision that the world around me was not safe and that I needed to protect myself. Protecting myself meant I could not be vulnerable, especially around people. So for years I found ways to avoid being in a place of vulnerability.

I would ignore conflict. I would suppress feelings. I would avoid certain relationships. I would distract myself with being busy and producing and being very involved in anything I could get my hands on. I worked hard and often. I filled my social schedule with anything I could put in it. I did everything big. I even filled the air with my own voice, talking so much in the hopes I could drown out anything that would tell me it was OK to slow down enough to be in a vulnerable place. Sounds exhausting doesn’t it? Well, it was, but let me tell you that what I did as a child and the things I did to protect myself were healthy for me. It was a natural way for me to process all that was happening around me and I’m thankful for it. But 43 years later, it’s exhausting. I’m done. Cashed in. I can’t do it anymore.

This is a new season of facing the vulnerable parts of who I am and this life I have and it’s time to move forward in a way that is good for me. In a way that is real to the people around me and in a way that is honest about my journey with God.

With this journey I am on The Lord is revealing so much to me as I’ve slowed down. He’s spoken beautiful things, brought back precious memories and allowed me to feel a wide range of feelings I was avoiding for all of these years. Often when I am in this place I look to Jesus to see His response to the very human things we deal with, the very hard things on this earth. And I had this thought; When I watched my husband play Jesus in The River Church’s production of The Passion Play, the hardest part of that story for me was when Jesus the Creator of heaven and earth is standing before Pilate and every one is yelling at Him and there is this question as to whether or not they should pick Barabas or Jesus.

My heart aches at this moment every single time. I’m thinking to myself, JESUS! You are GOD! Stand UP! Fight! Do some kind of amazing miracle to save You from this awful fate. Stop them. Change their minds… yell at them! Hit them, run away, and tell them why they are wrong. Tell them who you ARE! Do whatever you have to do to defend Yourself! But He doesn’t. He actually never does. He’s vulnerable. One thing I know about Jesus is His absolute confidence and connectedness to the Father. And I realize the two ingredients Jesus had to always be in a place of vulnerability.

The first is that He was never ashamed of Who He was or what He was there to do. He was present in every moment on earth. He wasn’t distracted or confused. He knew exactly why He was healing, speaking against the Pharisees, challenging the law, and doing things on Sabbath days. He had no shame.

The second is that He knew He was not alone. Even when He begged God to take this cup from Him I believe He knew that God was with Him. He was fully aware of God's presence with Him each and every moment.

If there is power in vulnerability, imagine what that would look like in our families, in our friendships, in our relationships with friends. What if our language and our conversations with our kids were more compassionate and vulnerable? What if we could actually tell our kids that we were having a hard time feeling some emotions, or even cried in front of them? What if we told our husbands the parts of our hearts we’ve been hiding? What if we could tell our friends that we are having a hard time with our finances or that the thing they said to us the other day hurt us? How would we impact each other? How could we impact our community? We wouldn’t have to win all the time; we wouldn’t desire so much control over other people. We could “name” what we were struggling with and let people know what we are about to say to them is very hard and difficult to our hearts. We could listen and we could love people despite their inability to know how to love us well.

It would change our lives.

It wouldn’t make life easier, but I believe that as we really pay attention to the sadness and the difficulties, we would also experience a richer, more vibrant joy in powerful vulnerability.

How Not to Kill a Butterfly

By Jill Palmer
 
Let him struggle
 
A few years ago I read a story about a man who had found a cocoon on a walk and decided to take it home and watch the miracle unfold. One day he noticed that there was a little hole in it and he watched for hours as the butterfly struggled to find it's way out of the cocoon through this tiny little hole. At some point it seemed to stop progressing so the man figured it had done all it could do and went to find some scissors to help it along.

He carefully snipped off the end of the cocoon and the butterfly easily came out. He was surprised, however, to discover that the butterfly's body was swollen and it's wings were shriveled. He expected the wings to dry out in a few hours but they never did. In fact the butterfly was never able to fly.

You see, the butterfly needed to struggle out of the cocoon because that's what helps transform it into the beautiful, flying miracle that it is. The struggle through the hole helps force the moisture from its wings and also helps strengthen them so they can fly.

I never realized that. I never realized the power of the struggle.

I hate struggling. I hate watching others struggle. It's messy and uncomfortable and painful! When it comes to my own walk with the Lord I just want Him to reveal to me the part of me that needs changing, then I'll acknowledge it and allow Him to change it. Done and done.

Except that's not how it has ever worked. Ever.

It's more like "Okay God, I got this. Thanks for changing me." And two days later I'm frustrated because I'm still not healed/changed/patient etc...

Why?!

Why do I have to struggle through this transformation process? Why can't God just come in with His beautiful, giant, gentle scissors and give me a careful little snip that will help me along? I'm tired and weary and ready to give up! This is painful and exhausting.

But He won't pull out His giant scissors because He loves me. He loves me so much He allows me to struggle. He doesn't want me to die - He wants to see me flourish and fly! He knows that my struggle helps to squeeze out the last bit of the "old" me - the selfish me. He knows that the struggle strengthens my wings and teaches me to fly. He's told me in His Word that I am a new creation and frankly I don't really know how to operate in this new freedom - this new life.

So my struggles teach me. They teach me to rely on Him. They teach me that in my weakness He is strong. They teach me that I am loved and that I have a Maker that knows my name, knows my deepest needs and will take care of me.

It's hard though. Hard to struggle. You know what else is hard? Painfully hard? Watching someone you love deeply struggle. Watching your spouse or child or a dear friend or loved one. Watching them struggle to push themselves through this incredible situation knowing there's not a thing you can do about it. You desperately want to rescue them but if you do that they won't be able to live as the new creation they are. The butterfly can't live it's life to the fullest if it doesn't struggle. It will die because the butterfly wasn't made to crawl around and eat leaves anymore. It was made to fly, to drink from gorgeous flowers, to rise above it's old life.

So you sit back and watch and struggle with the uncomfortableness of it all...as you watch the struggle - and the miracle - unfold. And you know that the Creator of all things knows what's going on. He has His hand right in the middle of it and He can be trusted. Even if the situation looks, and is, painful. He knows what we - and they - need and He hasn't forgotten us.

He sees the final picture. The glorious creation He had in mind. And He smiles because He knows we can and will survive...because of the struggle.