Throwback Thursday - Disciplined Life

God is challenging Mark and I to lead a more disciplined life. A structured life in order to accomplish more, stay focused on His Kingdom assignments and not feel stressed. Last year we just existed. We did what we could when we could. Life happened to us-we did not happen to life. It was very frustrating.

So this year The Lord has led us to 4 areas each, to focus on. To schedule times to focus on them, to be disciplined in following the schedule and to then be successful in accomplishing our Kingdom assignments. 

It's not easy though to be disciplined. Our natural, depraved nature would like to sit back and let things just happen. What I have realized though, is that whatever we decide to not be intentional about, the enemy would gladly be in charge of. Whether its our relationship with God (church/quiet times/prayer), our marriages, our children, our jobs, our homes, our finances, food (weight issues), our friendships, our ministries, rest...it can be exhausting trying to be intentional about all those things. But that is where God wants us. Not exhausted but dependent on Him! 

We are in a battle. A battle to stay on the narrow road of Christ. There is an enemy that is working hard to distract us. I picture driving down a highway going pretty fast (the speed limit of course!) on a trip and its windy. Very windy. It's difficult to keep the car in the road where there are gusts of wind blowing strongly from left to right across the car. It's actually happened to me many times on trips to Denver. I have to grip the wheel, focus on what's ahead (my goal), not be distracted by the shaking car. It can be tiring!

Making sure that the house is kept up, homeschool gets accomplished, dinner gets made, laundry gets done, the husband gets my attention (good and positive, not grumbling or complaining), women's ministry gets planned (bible studies, retreats, breakfasts), exercise is accomplished, eating well happens that day, quiet times are enjoyed, and fun happens is tiring! Especially if the wind (my laziness, tiredness or ability to get distracted with blogging or Facebook or Pinterest...) is howling that day. Staying on the road is hard. But it's worth it. I will arrive at my goal and see all that has been accomplished! And accomplished well! 

If we just drove and drove and drove without rest we're likely to give up out of sheer exhaustion. That's why God wants us to be intentional about rest. So we will push through the challenges knowing that rest is coming soon. We need a day of rest every week. We need periodic vacations that are about spending time as a family away from normal responsibilities. Times to quiet our minds and bodies. To prepare for the next part of the drive. 

Stay on the path set before us. Be disciplined and self-controlled. 

Proverbs 1:2-3

  For attaining wisdom and discipline; for understanding words of insight; for acquiring a disciplined and prudent life, doing what is right, just and fair. 

Proverbs 1:7

   The fear of The Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline. (This discipline refers to punishment but I think it's appropriate for self-control discipline as well.)

Proverbs 5:23

   He will does for lack of discipline led astray by his own folly.

Throwback Thursday - The Cost

Have you ever heard 'you get what you pay for?' It's very true often times. I'm a bit of a bargain shopper and when I buy cheap shirts they always seem to get tiny holes in them or when I buy cheap shoes they tend to be uncomfortable or wear out quickly. It frustrates me really. I want to be able to have good quality stuff for cheap. Not really a reality though.

Mark on the other hand doesn't mind spending money. He has had no problem dropping $100 on a pair of shoes. Or more! I remember when he bought me a pair of Dansko's for my birthday several years ago. I thought I would throw up when I found out how much they were. But I will tell you that I still have those shoes, they are still quite comfy and I still wear them. 3 summers ago I bought a pair of Choco's (nice sandals) for $100. I wear them all summer long. Everyday. Absolutely my favorite pair of sandals. And I will have them forever. Mark is totally changing my perspective on spending more for something that will last. 

You may wonder why I decided to blog about expensive shoes. I really do have a point. This weekend God challenged me with the cost of knowing Him. I have heard plenty of sermons on the cost of discipleship. But I think on Sunday God spoke to me very clearly about the cost. 

I had been praying for more of Him. What does that mean? Well I prayed that our church (and myself) would love Him more, would desire to know Him more, would be willing to serve Him more. This past weekend I experienced God in a deeper way. He spoke powerfully to me. I desire that that continues. 

And He said, do you know what that will cost? Sure I thought. Time.  Perhaps money. And He said yes...and also possibly relationships. There may be people who don't want to follow where you lead. Are you willing to still go? There are people who may not like what you're doing. Will you still do it? There may be folks who resist your teaching. Will you still teach? 

Whoa. It completely stopped me in my tracks as faces of people I love dearly flashed before my minds eye. Am I willing? Am I willing to do, go and teach what God says even if it costs me? 

Abraham was. Noah was. Moses was. David was. Esther was. Elijah was. Isaiah was. Daniel was. Jesus was. Paul was. Peter was. James and John were. 

God is certainly worth it. He is worth my all. I prayed against fear of man and fear of failure. I prayed that he would make me bold and obedient and courageous. 

I will get what I pay for with my relationship with God. I can have a little or I can have it all. I can pay a little or I can pay it all. 

He paid it all for me. He must think I am worth it. 

Throwback Thursday - My quest for freedom

This was from last March -----

Three weeks ago I went on a retreat-type trip called HeartQuest.  It was here that I was unplugged and had no distractions and got to hear [clearly] God whispering to my thirsty heart.  He changed me.  And subsequently changed my life.  It wasn't just a quick revelation and move on.  It was a deeper revelation and understanding and healing.  Something I have felt so powerless in the past to do.  I had no frame of reference for what I desired in my heart.  I needed more of Him.  I got it.  He was/is faithful.  And gentle.  And kind.  And loving.  He ministered to my hurts and my fears and did so with love, with laughter, with peace.  I am forever changed.

Before I left I had been praying and looking for my rain to come.  In the OT Elijah had prayed (as God had told him to) for the rain to stop.  It did.  For 3 years.  But then Elijah prayed for the rain to come again.  He knelt on a mountain top and prayed fervently for God to send the rains again and drench the earth.  He looked up and didn't see the cloud.  So he prayed again.  Looked again - no cloud.  Prayed again.  This happened 7 times.  Then a cloud the size of a man's fist was visible in the sky.  Immediately Elijah jumped up to warn of the coming rain (remember it hadn't rained in 3 years).  He was so confident that God was coming he didn't wait for the rain - he saw the cloud and knew!  I had been praying and believing for my cloud and it came.  And He poured out into me!  Like a fire hose!  I'm still dripping wet!

So, the reason for my burning desire to blog...today I read James 1.  I studied this same book before my HQ in a Beth Moore Bible study back in February and it was wonderful.  But now I have new eyes.  I couldn't wait to see what Holy Spirit would show me with my new eyes and my clear and free heart.

It didn't take long.  I stopped and was brought back to verse 2 (told you I didn't get far).  I even laughed and questioned why I would stop there.  But I trusted and explored.  The words "consider it pure joy when you face trials of many kinds" kept standing out to me.  I believe God wanted to show me, anew, what this means for me now and how He has changed my perspective. 

Here's a bit of what I wrote down.  Trials are what help refine my faith.  They reveal to me what God wants to heal in me.  What fears or wounds need His presence.  For example, a week after I got back from my trip I battled in my mind something very powerful.  I have felt invisible. Like no one really sees what I do at home, with our house, with our kids, behind the scenes.  I hear complaints (mostly from my kids of course).  I wondered if it really mattered.  If what I was doing at home - laundry, dishes, cleaning, grocery shopping, cooking, homeschooling etc...- was actually making a difference.  It's mundane.  Boring at times.  Feels unimportant. 

On this day in particular I faced some events that just confirmed (in my mind) what I was feeling.  Immediately I knew it was a lie and was reminded that I was different.  But I didn't know how to battle it.  And battle I did.  In my head!  It was overwhelming emotionally.  I asked God to show me why I felt this way and how to fight it off.  He spoke so gently to me and said 'you want to know that all you do matters. That you matter. You want to hear a good job every once in a while.  The problem is that you expect your kids and your husband to do that.  They can't be that for you.  I can.  I see.  I know.  I care and it matters to me.  Let that be your recognition and praise.'

I stopped almost instantly and began meditating on the fact that He sees.  He knows.  He cares.  It matters to Him.  And I was changed. He revealed Himself to me as El Roi - the God Who Sees.  He met me in my battle - because I invited Him in - and He revealed Himself to me.  And I considered it pure joy!!

I got it!  The joy of the trial is in knowing Him more intimately.  More beautifully than before.  The joy is being set free!  Healed from wounds!  And my friends, I have experienced a joy unspeakable.  He came in to my heart, cleaned house, and I never want to go back to that messy place again.  I want to clean up the messes as they come and continue to experience His great joy even in the midst of sorrow and struggle.

Romans 5:3-4 says (and I paraphrase) that the trials and suffering eventually produce hope.  And hope doesn't disappoint because God poured out His love into us by His Holy Spirit - His gift to us.  Hope and Holy Spirit are precious gifts and the Bible says that trials produce more of that so then, I will consider it joy!

Then in 1 Peter 5:3-4 it says that these trials have come so my faith - which is worth far more that gold! - may be genuine and bring God glory.  Bring. God. Glory.  My heart's desire.  I consider it joy!  Even as I type these words I'm overwhelmed with the joy in my heart.

He's used my trials to reveal to me my hurts and wounds and His character and nature.  I've been studying the names of God (ever since El Roi) so I could know and proclaim Who He is more and more.  He's shown me He's Almighty God, All-Sufficient One, Lord, God Most High, the Great I AM.  I'm blown away time and again as I see the hugeness of my God!  I can trust Him.  I can follow Him.  I can depend on Him.  Nothing gets by Him.  I'm not even kidding when I say it's a level of freedom that I have not experienced before in my life.  Everything within me says don't lose it!

And this isn't the end of my story.  Only the beginning.  I pray that in whatever trials you are going through that you invite into them the Almighty God who wants to show you His love, His protection, His goodness and kindness, His faithfulness, His provision, His healing....

Shalom!

Throwback Thursday - Just Listen

 Never underestimate the power of listening.

I've not been known in my life as a good listener.  No one has actually come out and told me this...I just know.  I'm usually thinking about the next thing I'm going to say instead of truly listening to what is being spoken.  Or else I'm just talking and talking.  I'm a good talker :)

But God.  He has been reminding me over and over about the power of listening.  A couple years ago I felt like I needed to hear more Truth about this very thing.  I looked up scripture and found a few that have sat in my bathroom and I've read over and over again, daily.  I believe the Truths are starting to sink in.

Several of the scriptures relate to me listening to God.

John 1:27 - My sheep listen to my voice...

James 1:22 - Do not merely listen to to the word, and so deceive yourselves.  Do what it says.

Others remind me that wisdom comes from listening.

Pr 1:5 - let the wise listen and add to their learning...

Pr 12:15 - The way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice.

Pr 19:27 - Stop listening to instruction, my son, and you will stray from the words of knowledge.

To listen means to humble ourselves. 

To listen means that we want to learn and grow and change.  

To listen means we desire knowledge and wisdom.

And when it comes to listening to people...

James 1:19 - Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.

Listening to others brings value to them.  It shows that you care.  That you value what they are sharing.  That you aren't just thinking of yourself. 

 To listen is to build relationship and trust.

I've thought about how listening affects my relationship with Mark.  He's a great listener.  I love talking with him because I feel respected and valued and loved.  I want him to feel the same.  To know that I care about what he says.  Even if I disagree.

Listening to my children does the same.  To have them know that it matters to me that they are sad or mad or scared or hurt or confused or frustrated.  Instead of just fixing the problem I need to be proactive in listening.

I will do the same for friends.  At least that is my prayer.  That they know that I care, that it matters, that they matter.  I have had conversations where I feel like a person hasn't heard a stinkin word I've sad.  Truly it just made me not want to share again.  They have been more concerned about what they want to say then listening to me.  I don't like the feeling.  I don't want others to feel like that around me.

People are important to me.  Relationships are important to me.  

I want to

Just Listen.

Throwback Thursday - Believes All Things

 I was reading through 1 Corinthians the other day and the middle of chapter 13 stood out.

"[love] bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things" 1 Cor. 13 7 NASB

Love believes all things?  What does that mean?

As Jesus is my perfect example I look to Him to show me what it means to believe all things.  To hope all things...I was reminded of His betrayal.

Jesus knew that Judas was the one who was going to betray Him with 30 pieces of silver and yet Jesus trusted him with the money.  Whoa!  Jesus believed the best of Judas even though he knew what he was going to do.  Jesus believed all things.  He hoped.  I'm pretty sure I would've said 'Hey Peter you handle the money.  I know I can trust you with it.'  Judas?  Not so much.

Jesus trusts us with His name.  Christ-followers.  Boy have we blown that.  Yet He still believes in us, hopes for us, endures for us....He doesn't take away His name.  He doesn't go back on His promises to us.  Amazing!

Can I do that?  Do I do that?  Do I look for the best in people even when the worst is what screams the loudest?  Believing the best is hard.  Especially when we've been hurt or betrayed.  But that is perfect love isn't it?  To not look for trouble but to look for the best?  To not be fearful of what people can, and may very well, do to us but to believe in them.  To love them.  To reach out to others no matter what.  Even if it means getting hurt.  Love endures all things....

I'm not saying that this requires us to blindly trust everyone and give out our social security number to anyone who asks :)  But I'm challenged to believe in people.  Believe in what they can be through the transforming love of Christ.  What a different way of looking at love!

Throwback Thursday - HOPE

(all images from Google)

The other day I was asked by a friend

What is hope?

I thought about it for a while and this is the answer I gave her. I hope (hehe) that it sheds some light for someone on this very powerful 4-letter word.

The definition of HOPE is to expect with confidence.

HOPE is powerful. I watched a movie a while ago about WW2. A village of Jewish people were being held prisoner by Nazi’s. They had no idea what was going on outside of their prison and they began to lose hope that the war would ever end. People were killing themselves, giving up on living because they had nothing to live for in their existence as they saw it. One day a guy overheard something on the radio about the allied forces coming soon. He shared it with the people and everything changed. They realized they could endure this hardship because a better life was coming. Soon. Sometime. They didn’t know the exact timeline but they had HOPE that it was coming. Their circumstances didn't change but their perspective did. They had HOPE.

Interesting that when I googled hope, pictures of Obama came up. We can be let down when we hope in people (any politician, our friends, spouse etc) or hope in circumstances (economy, jobs, situations etc). There is only one HOPE that is perfect and will never let us down.
Jesus is our HOPE. He conquered death so that we may have HOPE eternal. At the end of every scenario, no matter how bad, Jesus is there. He never leaves us. In Him there is no death! No end. That’s HOPE. That no matter the circumstances in my life and how they may change, He is unchangeable, unmovable and always faithful.

HOPE is saying that tomorrow can be better than today and next week can be better than this week. HOPE is saying God’s plan for me is something I can trust in and even if it doesn’t make sense now, His promises are true and He will never leave me and He wants the best for me. No. Matter. What. Life doesn’t always make sense. We are never promised that it would. But knowing Jesus gives us HOPE in the future. He tells us that someday there will be no more sin, no more tears, no more pain. It’s worth waiting for and enduring the hardships now because in the end it WILL be good. No matter how long we wait.

I think we all battle with hopelessness. We don't think that our situation will ever change. We lose HOPE. That's why we must remember the promises of God. They bring us HOPE again. They help us to look to the future (next week, next month, next year, eternity).

We can expect with confidence that Jesus is now taking care, and always will take care, of us and that all things work together for good for those whose HOPE is in the Lord.

Throwback Thursday - Enough

If you would've asked me a year ago, probably even 6 months ago, if we were rich I would've laughed in your face! {not a mean laugh though...I promise} Because I don't consider us rich. Rich is expensive cars, fancy dining with 3 forks at every meal, yachts, exotic vacations, private school, paying more taxes then we make in 10 years of salary, really big houses, people who aren't related to you cleaning those big houses...Nope. That's not us.

But then I was hit in the face {not literally thankfully} with this:

Being rich means having enough.

Enough food.
Enough clean water.
Enough clothes to keep you from being naked.
Enough house to keep you dry and warm.
Enough.

Because being poor means going hungry, trekking 5 miles each direction to get water, wearing the same clothes for a year or more, living in a humble place with barely walls and a roof or nothing at all. I won't even mention indoor plumbing, electricity, appliances, cars etc...
Do I have enough?
Definitely.
Therefore am I rich?
Definitely.

I believe that this is only the beginning of what God wants to do in my heart and in my life. I have two books on my horizon to read. One that I started already and one that is next. Both of them deal, somewhat or totally, with excess (meaning after you've had enough water, food, clothes to keep you from being naked, house etc...the leftover money) in our lives. Coincidence? I think not.

I'm terrified and excited at the same time. Terrified at how much I have given in to materialism and what that means and excited to be set free from too much. I already know that a lot of my stress comes from having too many toys to pick up. Too many clothes to wash, dry and put away. Too many things to do to keep my house in order. What if it was more simple than that?

I'm not suggesting that God wants me to give everything away and live in a tent in the woods but maybe He's beginning to show me how bogged down I am by the things of this world and how I can experience more freedom in Him by releasing it, giving it away, down-sizing. Who knows?

All I know is that something has been stirred up in me and I have no doubt that it will not go away until God peels away this part of me. To free me up to serve Him, to minister to my husband and children, to minister and love others.

I already warned Mark that as I read there will be conversations. Definitely not mandates but that's how I process. Talk it out. Who knows where God will take this. And now I'm warning you :) I'm sure there will be posts journaling my experience and conviction.

Painful? Probably a bit. But from what I know about God, it will be worth every single moment.

 

*sigh* I'm ready Lord!

(I think)

Throwback Thursday - Hard Learned Lessons

---originally published in 2011---
I've decided to write down some lessons learned this year. Hard but oh-so-good lessons. I'll probably reflect over time, not all in one post. There were lots of things learned!

This year has not been without it's challenges. I've faced things that I've never faced before in ministry. Things I wasn't sure I knew how to deal with. And truthfully (because you know how I love truth!) I have learned more in this past year than any other year. I can honestly say that I'm thankful for trials, thankful for doubts, thankful for refinement from a loving God who wants to make me reflect more and more of Him.

One of the biggest truths I learned was about me and my relationship with God.

I had someone tell me that I was a hypocrite. Fake. Questioned me and my life and my relationship with God. Normally I can take it with a grain of salt. I can just look past things but this was different. It was spoken by someone I respected. I didn't know what to think.

God had/has been teaching me to go to Him with everything. It's hard to do sometimes. I just wanted to be mad! I thought to myself, I could go to people who I know love me and they'd tell me different! I'll show this person (and myself) that this just isn't true!

But God said no. Wait. Ask me. What I say matters most. And because I desperately want to know what He thinks and I want to see myself as He sees me, I did. I waited. I didn't talk to people about it. I waited to hear from Him.

I asked Him if it was true? Am I a fake? Do I really love Him like I think I do? Am I fooling myself and others? Who am I? What do I do with this information?

As I was asking all of these questions I was reading a book called "A Lifetime of Wisdom" by Joni Eareckson-Tada and I came across this quote:

This is Jesus talking..."I'll make a deal with you. I'll give you anything and everything you ask. Nothing will be sin. Nothing will be forbidden and everything will be possible for you. You will never be bored and you will never die. Only...you will never see My face."
I was stopped cold. Like a slap in the face. And then an overwhelming emotion. A flood of emotion. Almost tears but I couldn't cry (I was reading it in the car-Mark was driving - and I didn't want to explain just yet why I was crying). So I just sat there. Stunned. But incredibly joyful!

In that instant God revealed to me what was deep in my heart. I couldn't have planned the response I had to thinking about never seeing Jesus' face. I couldn't have prepared myself to read that (the book wasn't about that - it was just a tiny piece). I could never have prepared myself to know how much I truly loved my Savior with a simple paragraph in a book full of so many other things.

I love Him. I truly love Him. It was real. It's true. I would never trade knowing Him, seeing Him, for a great life. Never would I rather have smooth sailing, no sin, no struggles, no pain, no suffering. Jesus makes everything meaningful. Without Him...I can't even imagine.

He has saved me. He loves me. He showed me, out of His love for me, how much I love Him. I am forever grateful for questioning my love for Him. I am forever grateful for being questioned. Because now I know, without a hint of doubt, that it's real. He is real. He is real in my life and I am filled with a joy unspeakable.

Just one of the many lessons learned.

Throwback Thursday -- A Fine Line

---Originally posted 2011---
 
There is a fine line between passion and judgement. Sadly many of us, myself very much included, cross it. A lot. God gives us a passion for something. I believe He gives it to us so we can continue on! And do it well. And do it to bring Him glory.

We can have a passion for families, children, homeschooling, breastfeeding, a certain way to give birth, healthy eating, a specific ministry, a cause, a simple lifestyle, the Bible, prayer, disciplining, evangelism, reading, writing, singing etc... (just to name a few different ones, but there are infinite passions!) We have that God-given passion to be motivated, to be more aware, to defend, to pursue...Unfortunately for many of us, we get this passion and look around {in other words, take our eyes off the Passion-Giver!} and we wonder why everyone else doesn't have it.

When I was doing youth ministry it boggled my mind why people wouldn't totally jump on board and support the youth. In Children's ministry I couldn't understand why people wouldn't serve and love on our future! In women's ministry I didn't get why more women didn't get involved. In each season of ministry God gave me His eyes, His heart and His passion for who I was ministering to. He gives me the same passion for my children and for homeschooling them and for being a good wife and mom.

I realize, however, that I can take that passion and look at others and wonder why they don't feel the same. I wonder what's wrong with them- have they not heard God clearly tell them something!? (oh my gosh how prideful of me....) - and pass judgement. I know that God does NOT want us to move from passion to judgement. He, and He alone, works in the hearts of His people. No one told me to be love youth. God did. No one made me love kids. God did. No one forced me to do women's ministry. God moved on my heart to do it. I was drawn and moved by others' passion but it wasn't because they told me to be passionate about it. Does that make sense?

He is the one with the passion and we are the ones who are responsible to steward it according to His will. His passion keeps us going when it's tough. His passion gives us a goal and a direction when we feel lost. His passion tells us we haven't failed, don't give up. His passion fuels us to love, to encourage, to teach, to do something. His passion is used to build up His Kingdom, not tear it down.

Be a good steward with the passion God gives you and He WILL expand it, grow it and encourage it. And He will be glorified in it!

Throwback Thursday - Noise

----originally published in 2001----
 
Recently I heard a "sermonette", if you will, on Noise. It kind of blew me away...in a good way.

He spoke about a sound guy - a friend - in Hollywood who would go out in nature to record nature sounds. Sounds without cars and planes etc...In the 1960's it took over 100 hours of recording to get just 1 hour of silence. Now it takes over 2000 hours for that same 1 hour!

My TV, radio, iPod, computer, cell phone, facebook, blogging, books, cars, airplanes, refrigerator, washer, dryer, dishwasher, fishtank, wall clock, fans and of course children, are all sources of noise in my life. Lots of noise. Am I ever silent? Am I ever still? Do I ever ride in a silent car? Do I wake up to birds singing or an alarm blaring or a fan whirring?
If I sit outside I hear cars go by on our semi-busy road in the distance. I hear planes overhead (we are just 10 minutes from our tiny airport). I hear dogs barking. I hear tractors harvesting hay. Maybe that's why I struggle to hear God's still small voice. Because of too much noise.

Recently I've been bombarded with information. People's opinions of me, encouragement for me, solutions for me etc...It's been overwhelming to say the least. I have been desperate to hear what God wants to say. Desperate for Him to help me sort through the lies and see the Truth.

But I realize I can't hear Him clearly. I realize that He's not in the fire or the wind or the earthquakes. He's in the stillness. He's in the solitude. Jesus went away many times during His ministry to be alone. To hear God's voice. I need to make silence and solitude a part of my disciplines in order to hear the One Whose opinion (and it isn't actually opinion - it's Truth) of me, encouragement for me and solutions for me are all I need. Ever.

Let me know silence. Let me hear His Voice loud and clear. Be still and know that He is God.

Throwback Thursday --- Why Church?

----originally published in 2011----

I get asked that question often. Not everyday but a couple times a year I think. That's often, I think, for a question like that. The conversation comes around to why do we need to go to church? What's the point?

As someone who loves going to church, being a part of a church, serving at a church, giving to a church and whose husband is employed by the church, I love answering this question. Cause I love my church! But I know I can't answer it like that for someone who doesn't.

Our last small group had this same discussion. Why go to church? I also recently talked with a good friend who asked what church was supposed to look like and what did God design church for.

After discussing this many times and sharing thoughts and scripture I think I'd answer it this way:

Because God created the church and the church body for His glory. At church is where we can corporately experience and share His glory. At church is where His glory is multiplied exponentially.

Does this mean God can't be glorified outside the church? No. Not at all. But I believe there is something special and unique about the way God uses a church and the people in it (if they allow Him to!).

Here's what I mean. In Matthew 14 Jesus and His disciples found themselves on a hill teaching 5000 men (and most likely women and children but only the number of men was recorded). It came time for them to eat. The disciples didn't know how everyone was going to be fed. The only food they were able to come up with was 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish. Not enough at all to feed 5000 men (probably 10,000 people!). But Jesus knew what to do.

He took what they had and multiplied it exponentially and everyone was fed with 12 baskets of food left over!

I believe He does that at church. He takes what we have, what we give Him - our time, our talent, our money, our worship - and multiplies it exponentially. It overflows and blesses the city around us and our world.

Here's what I mean. When we use our talents for Him as part of a church body of believers He increases it. Mark, for example, has a great voice. A talent God gave Him. He could use it at home, use it in the car, use it in a park but it's greatest use is at church as He leads people in our congregation to worship! That doesn't mean God can't use that talent anywhere else, He most certainly can, but people are impacted by the worship He leads and it spills over into lives throughout the week. Touching way more people than Mark could do alone. Make sense?

Another example: Our pastor is going to be teaching a pastor's conference in Uganda in a couple weeks. They want to have 800 pastors attend this conference but they have to raise funds in order to rent the building, feed them etc...It's going to cost only $10 per pastor! That's crazy! Nothing in the US cost $10! So if I have $10 and I decide to, on my own, send it to Africa in hopes of helping a local pastor, how much affect do you think it will have? Not much. But if I give my $10 to my church for this conference it will pay for a pastor to attend and then go back to his local church and affect hundreds of people for Christ. My money goes further when God multiplies it through my church. Does that mean don't give if it isn't through a church? No. It just means God takes what we give at church and multiplies it exponentially.

I also think church is where we can be encouraged, challenged, taught, refreshed, supported, sharpened, prayed for, loved, blessed, and poured into. Church is my family of choice. I truly would be lost without these people God has brought into my life to do life alongside me and my family.

Many people will attend church out of obligation or guilt or habit. Many people will attend a church and think "what are they going to do for me?". Many people will attend church and hate it because it feels so empty and it doesn't fill them. Many people will question why even go to church.

I challenge everyone to think - What can I do for people at my church? What can I give to others? How can I bring God glory in my local church body?
What talent or gift has God given me to bring Him glory? I'm pretty sure if we look to help others instead of ourselves we'd enjoy church a whole lot more!

I think there's a place for each person in a church and that the church just isn't the same without each piece. When we can come together in unity, God can do incredible things and He will be glorified. He will multiply our small gifts!

Throwback Thursday - Decluttering

I was listening to the radio the other day and they mentioned that the perfect time to declutter our homes is when we move from one house to another. It got me thinking about my life (yeah I do that a lot...).

Whenever I've switched ministries or expanded my ministry (I've done it 3 or 4 or 5 or 6 times now and I include things like having children - they are a ministry for sure!) I have felt like stuff in my heart/life has to be decluttered. I'm moving into a new season and there just isn't room for everything to go with me. So God begins to declutter me.
He brings me my pride and tells me to get rid of it. He shows me my insecurity and tells me to burn it. He reveals to me my selfishness and tells me I don't need it. He helps me go through all my stuff and get rid of the junk I don't need (and frankly have never needed but continue to hold on to). Sometimes it's a painful process. Even though I don't like all my junk, it brings me comfort. It isn't easy to walk away from it. But I picture God like the guy on the old TLC show Clean Sweep. The guy who shows you how much you don't need what you're holding onto. The guy who helps you put it down and walk away. The guy who does a big reveal at the end in your new room/house and shows you that it's so much nicer without all the junk!

Not only does He help me get rid of the junk, He helps me pack up the stuff I do need. The stuff He's been teaching me over and over again. Wisdom. Grace. Love. Truth. Patience. Mercy. Forgiveness. Justice. Submission. Listening. Learning. He helps me put them into boxes to be moved and brought into my next season in life. There's room for that.

Just not the crap. With each new season I can see that God is here with His boxes and packing tape.

Ready to declutter.

Throwback Thursday - Loving Who?

----originally published May 2011----
Several weeks ago I was having a conversation with a good friend of mine who said that she was being very challenged in her life at that exact moment to love people who weren't nice to her. As she shared some of the really crummy stuff people had done to her and her family she talked about showing these same people unconditional love and that it was a difficult place. She wants to follow God's command to love your enemies but it doesn't mean it's an easy thing to do, especially when they're really mean to you! It challenged me to hear her heart. I reflected on my own life.

I had thought that I did okay loving my enemies...until I really figured out who my enemies were. When I think of the word enemy I think of someone I absolutely hate. And frankly I don't absolutely hate anyone (that I know of). But then I realized my "enemies" aren't horrible, terrible people who've done unthinkable things to me or people in other countries that I've never met. My enemies were people who hadn't been nice to me. Who hadn't treated me fairly (I thought). Those people were people who I was not showing love to. I realized that if someone asked me to cook them a meal, or give them money, or go out of my way to help them out, I probably wouldn't do it. In fact, I'd probably avoid helping them at all costs. Really? Is that what Christ has taught me to do? Wow. Yuck in my heart.

Luke 6:35-36 says "But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful."

Jill - do not withhold Christ's love from people just because they aren't people whom you think deserve it. You don't deserve what you've been given. No one does. That is called mercy. Not getting what you deserve. Overcome evil (or perceived evil) with good. Love your enemies! Do good to them. Pray for them.
Christ did that for me...how can I do less?

I am compelled to show Christ's love to ALL people (even those who I don't think deserve it) because that is what He did for me. It isn't an easy thing. I guess if it was then everyone would do it! But I'm determined to learn this and love people. It's gonna be a long process though... :)

Throwback Thursday - Unlearning in order to Learn

Originally published April 2011
------------------------------
Makes sense doesn't it?

Well it's starting to make more and more sense to me. I recently read in a book that half of spiritual growth is learning things you didn't know and the other half is unlearning things you do.

So. True.

I'm now reading a book - a total kick-you-in-the-pants-splash-cold-holy-water-on-your-face-gospel-truth-speaking book called Radical by David Platt. I won't go into all that it entails because there's entirely too much and it's a book you just have to read in order to get it, but let me tell you that it's reminding me, as well as opening my eyes, to just how different God's plans are from the worlds.

I realize, once again, that God is opposite of the world. That's not to say that everything in this world is bad, but it is to say that many things I do and believe to be true, while I think they are of God, actually are not. What?! I know! Here I am thinking I know most of what I need to know about God and how to live my life for Him but in reality I know a lot about what I've learned from others but not enough about what HE wants me to know. Make sense?

Here are some differences....

God says bless your enemies. The world? Yeah not so much.
God says surrender to me. The world says, work hard and you will succeed.
God says sex is for marriage only. The world says try before you buy - it won't matter.
God says there is only one way. The world says everything works.
God says there is right and wrong. The world says do what feels right.
God says give what you have away. The world says make sure you have enough and there's always more that you "need".
God says I'm not here to make your life comfortable. The world says comfort is our right.
Gods says I have come to and for you. The world says strive and you might make it to a "higher place".

And that's just a few!

I've learned a lot in my almost 35 years. Some things are truth and some things are lies. Truth and lies about Who God is and truth and lies about how to serve Him. I've finally asked myself a very important question...do I live my life according to scripture or according to what I've seen "good" Christians do and say?

Unfortunately all too often I've made decisions based on the latter rather than the former. I've made decisions based on experiences, books, teachings (non of which are all bad) rather than God's word.

Puts a whole new meaning for me on scripture being my Bread of Life, Water to Drink, the Sword of the Spirit....Am I hungry for what He says or what I'm comfortable with?

I have a long ways to go. Lots of things to unlearn. I am so thankful, though, to my parents for the way they raised me. Because of their unconditional love there are many things I do not have to unlearn. There are true things I have always known. Things like love, acceptance, forgiveness, grace, commitment, devotion, giving, family, respect, responsibility, safety...I'm so grateful for that.

I see a new journey. A journey about discovering God. Discovering what it really means to surrender to Him, to His plans, to His love. Unlearning what I think it's supposed to look like and learning what it really looks like.

Throwback Thursday - A New Old Song

(originally published in 2011)

I was praying the other day for several people I know who are really going through tough times. They've either lost someone they love or have financial/health struggles. This time of the year is difficult for many people. They feel lonely, sad, broken ... It's my favorite time of the year but I know that that isn't true for everyone.

As I was praying I started praying specifically for comfort and joy. I prayed for God's comfort during the difficult moments that are sure to come and I prayed for joy despite circumstances that already exist. Joy that comes with knowing that our Savior was born so that we may be with him forever.

And because I LOVE Christmas carols and am always amazed how they can minister to me no matter how many times I've heard them I wasn't surprised when I started humming God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen. But when I started to really think about what the words meant...an old song became new to me. A song that speaks to the hurting.

There are 7 verses (that I can find) but I picked 3 that were meaningful to me. If you are hurting or lonely or sick or just not really loving this time of year, please read these words and know that there is always hope. And Jesus came to bring comfort and joy....for you.

God rest ye merry gentlemen let nothing you dismay
Remember Christ our Savior was born on Christmas day
To save us all from satan's power as we have gone astray
Oh tidings of comfort and joy, comfort and joy,
Oh tidings of comfort and joy

The shepherds at those tidings
Rejoiced much in mind,
And left their flocks a-feeding
In tempest, storm and wind:
And went to Bethlehem straightway
The Son of God to find.
O tidings of comfort and joy,
Comfort and joy
O tidings of comfort and joy

Now to the Lord sing praises,
All you within this place,
And with true love and brotherhood
Each other now embrace;
This holy tide of Christmas
All other doth deface.
O tidings of comfort and joy,
Comfort and joy
O tidings of comfort and joy

Throwback Thursday - Simply Christmas

(originally published in 2011)

I recently read an article that said that even religious people aren't going to church on Christmas or including any religious celebration during the Christmas season. That they are just too busy with parties, dinners, shopping etc...It made me really sad.

Really sad that Jesus is being pushed out of His own birthday party. I can't imagine putting together a party with all the decorations, sending out the invitations, making tons of food, decorating a cake, buying and wrapping gifts and spending weeks in anticipation of the blessed event only to not invite the celebrant. Doesn't that seem odd? I'm pretty sure my children would have none of that (I'm just imagining Kale preparing for his birthday party only to find out he's not invited). Yet that's what happens at Christmas. We can get so distracted with the party that we forget about the Guest of Honor. Jesus. I am guilty of this many times throughout the Christmas season. I get so into all of the fluff that I have to literally stop and think again of my reasons. Could I "do" Christmas without all of the fluff? I sure hope so. The fluff is traditions, memories, fellowship and fun. There's nothing wrong with that. But my hope is that even without the extra stuff...Christmas is still Christmas to me.

At the very heart of Christmas is simply a baby in a manger. Born to bring us peace and joy and hope and love.
Born to live a sinless life.
Born to teach us how to love God and love others.
Born to heal the broken, the sick, the blind.
Born to give us a new life.
Born to die on a cross and then 3 days later rise from the grave to conquer death. Born to reconcile God and man.
Born to show us amazing, endless, unconditional love.

If I miss that....I miss Christmas. I pray that your Christmas is filled with family, friends, joy, laughter and lots of love. But I pray more than anything that your Christmas is centered around, and filled with, the love of Christ.

Simply Christmas

Throwback Thursday - Perfection

(Originally published in 2011)

Perfection.  Is that a realistic notion?   Can we really expect perfection from anyone?  Anything?  Does God expect perfection from us?

I've been pondering perfection.  I have come across people in my life who expect perfection from me, my husband and/or my children and it's heartbreaking because it's impossible for us to ever live up to those expectations.   It isn't loving, grace-filled or truthful.

It makes me think of my relationship with Jesus.   How does He see me?  What does He expect from me?   Perfection?  Hardly!  Perfection means no grace and Jesus personifies grace and truth.  Perfection and grace can not go hand in hand when describing anyone else except Jesus.  You can not expect perfection from yourself or from others and still give grace.  It just doesn't make sense.

Jesus knew from the very beginning that we would fail.  He knew it and yet he still died for us and still loves us today.  Amazing!  We can't really even to begin to understand that love.  He pours that out for us daily.  Daily we fail to be perfect and daily He loves us with grace and truth.  He's not disappointed or mad or frustrated or impatient.  He's just loving.

I've come across people who have gotten angry with me or my children in an instant.  They've been upset because a harsh word was spoken or because we weren't grateful or because we were wrapped up in ourselves. We've been in the wrong, no doubt, but then that was it.  We had one chance and we blew it. There was frustration or anger or impatience or disappointment and we were done.  No chance (it seemed) to be forgiven and start over.  No chance to learn how to be better.  No chance.

How often have I done the same thing to others?  I've been on the receiving end of the expectation of perfection and it's a yucky feeling.  A feeling of never being good enough.  Never.  And I hate it.  It's made me open my eyes more and more to my own treatment and expectations of others.  Do I expect perfection?  Am I filled with grace in truth in my relationships or do I write people off when they fail me?  Do I understand that people will fail but it is grace and truth that lifts them up to try again, not a broken relationship?  Do I give grace and truth to those who have expected perfection from me?  Ouch. That's a hard one.

And to just make it harder...do I expect [impossible] perfection from myself?  Do I treat myself like Jesus does?  With compassion and grace and value?  Grace + Truth over time = change.  How can I change if I don't give myself grace and truth?

Perfection expects the right thing all the time.
Grace {and truth - can't have one without the other!} understands that the right thing won't be said all the time and says please don't talk to me that way...let's try again.

Perfection expects the correct behavior all the time.
Grace and truth understands that we are all sinful humans struggling to learn and grow and says that really wasn't a good choice...here's a better idea.

Perfection expects that people will never fail {and boy will they be disappointed!}.
Grace and truth understands that we've all fallen short and that it is very, very possible, when we get knocked down, to get up again, brush ourselves off and keep going!

I don't know where you are at today but I have been uber challenged to adjust my expectations.  Not lower them but adjust them.  I want to be the kind of spouse/parent/friend/sister where it's safe to fail with me.  I want to be a safe place for people to be....people!  I don't want people to walk on pins and needles around me...afraid that if they fail I will write them off.  Jesus never wrote anyone off.  Even those who failed Him as He was being crucified.  His love, grace and truth were poured out even in those moments.   How I wish to be that kind of friend!

And how thankful I am that even as I'm walking this road of grace and truth that God knows that I will fail...a lot.  I pray that I will have grace for my own life as I learn how to love others as He loves me.

*on a random side note: I googled an image for perfect/perfection and Google gave me images of celebrities, houses, landscapes, coffee etc.  I guess perfect is in the eye of the beholder eh?*

Throwback Thursday - A Thankful Heart!

(originally published in 2011)

I've been pondering what it means to have a thankful heart and how it can change the way my children, all of you and I see the world around us.

It changes us....

from ewww! Gross dinner! I don't want any! to Thank you for making this. I appreciate it. from All he does is work! to I'm so thankful he has a job and is able to provide for us. from This job is hard/dumb/not fun etc...! It doesn't pay well..grrr! to I'm thankful to be where God wants me to be. from These kids are driving me crazy! to I'm thankful for each day I have with the gifts God has given me and for the refinement in my life :) from I don't like our government. I'm tired of this! to I'm thankful to be living in a free country where I'm allowed amazing privileges. from I hate the weather! to So thankful for each season that brings with it a purpose and a plan. from I didn't get enough sleep and I'm cranky! to I'm thankful for a warm bed sleep in. from My family drives me nuts sometimes! to I'm thankful for a family to be a part of. from I hate being sick. to I'm so thankful for the times that I am well. from I'm tired of the tough seasons in life. to I'm thankful for the seasons of blessings and for the work God does in me during the tough times. from I never have enough money! to I'm thankful for the many, many ways God provides for me. from I hate this house! to I'm thankful for a place to live, a roof over my head, running water, heat, electricity.... from Homeschooling is sometimes the stinkin most hardest thing I've ever done and boy does that yellow bus look inviting! to It's an honor to be able to have my kids home with me teaching them life skills, character development as well as "normal" school stuff. from A new car would really be nice. This old clunker is just not working anymore. to I'm thankful for a working car that gets me where I need to go. from I really don't like being so far away from family. to I'm thankful for my family of choice. from My church doesn't play the right music all the time or preach the things I want to hear and people can be seriously ornery and un-Christian. to I'm thankful that I am free to worship. I'm thankful for a place I can go, as a striving Christian myself, and be a part. I'm thankful for other striving Christians, even though they may hurt me sometimes. God has brought everyone in my life for a reason.

Here's to a change of heart!

Throwback Thursday - Change Me on the Inside

(originally published in 2011)

I was driving into church last Sunday humming a worship song, listening to my kids in the backseat, and of course driving when I felt like God spoke clearly to me. It had to have been the song I was humming mixed with the prayers I've been praying that prompted this Holy Spirit visit {although He really doesn't really need prompting - basically my heart was finally ready to hear what He was going to speak}.

This is what I heard:
{and when I say heard I don't mean an audible voice, it's more like a thought that I know is definitely not mine -- the Bible talks about how His sheep will know His voice - the more I get to know God the easier it is to figure out when He's speaking to me. That's not to say that I don't miss it when He speaks. I still do that. A lot. But this day I don't think I missed it.}

You pray for other people - which is not a bad thing - however, many times you pray for them to change. What about your own heart? Why aren't you praying for your heart to change towards them? You are missing out on the work I want to do in your heart by focusing on others.

Bam! Like a gentle smack in the head (honestly I love it when God does that). I really want to change. I don't want to be the same old me. One who is judgmental, prideful, selfish...I want to love others like He wants me to love. I want to think of others before myself. I want to be like Him. I realized that I did pray for others to change. I think it was so I didn't have to. Or didn't have to deal with the thing I didn't like. I don't completely know my motive - can't quite pinpoint it - but I do know that many times I had selfish motives for sure.

Has God spoken this to me before? Most definitely. Unfortunately I can be like a car out of alignment sometimes and start to drift off course. That's when I need a gentle smack on the head tug on my wheel to get me back on track. So thankful for those smacks!

Lord, Change me on the inside!

Throwback Thursday - The Bridge

(Originally published in 2010)

A short while back I had a conversation with someone I love very much. They asked me a question about my faith, specifically Jesus, that I felt like I couldn't, and didn't, answer very well at the time. We got interrupted as I was stuttering out a response and I felt like I didn't really say much. The question I was asked was why is your way right and every other religion wrong. It was a really good question. One I remember asking when I was searching for truth. It wasn't being asked in any way other than I believe they wanted a real answer. So I wanted to take a couple minutes and share with them, and with you all, about what being a Christian is like - for me - in light of other religions.

I have this vision of standing on top of a very high ledge on a mountain. I look down and it is almost impossible to see the bottom of this huge valley. I know it's there but you can't really see it. I know that if I fall, or jump, that I won't live through it. I also know that behind me, slowly, the mountain is crumbling.

Across the way is another even more beautiful mountain. A safe mountain. But it isn't reachable. I don't see anyway across this great chasm.

All around me are people. All different kinds of people. All seeing the same thing that I see. Mountain crumbling behind me. Deep valley below me. Beautiful unreachable mountain before me. However we are all approaching this scenario differently.

Some are sitting down. They aren't worried about the collapsing mountain. In fact they are saying that it isn't really happening. That is isn't a big deal. Let's just not worry about it and it won't happen.

Others are trying to make stuff to cross the valley. Some are tying ropes in hopes of throwing it across the way and climbing over. Some are cutting down trees and trying to make a bridge. Some are building flying machines in hopes that they will be carried across. All of them know that the mountain they are on won't last forever.

I have been searching around trying to figure out the best strategy across the way when someone comes to me and says 'follow me I know the way'. I listen and they lead me to a bridge. A solid, sturdy, narrow bridge that starts just feet before me and goes clear across the valley to the other mountain....safely. There are people already on it. Thousands of people. The bridge is so strong it's holding everyone! I'm amazed that I haven't seen it before. I'm amazed that all of these people haven't seen it before. It's been there the whole time but I wasn't able to see until I listened. Then I saw because I had faith. It's like the bridge in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (yes I am married to Mark...). Do you know which one I'm talking about? The one he doesn't actually see until he steps on it?! This is what I had been searching for. The Way. Now, what do I do with this information. What would you do if you found this bridge? Would you tell someone? Would you cross it quietly and hope no one sees you or makes fun of you? What would you think about all those people around you who are looking for what you've found?

Are all those other people wrong? I guess the answer is yes. But I don't look at them and say 'too bad for you...I found the bridge that will lead me safely away and I'm right and you're wrong and you'll never make it'. No. I look at them and think, 'I know that that rope will never be long enough, the ladder will never be strong enough, the flying machine will never last long enough to get you safely to the other side. But I have found the way. Come with me and I will show you. Please. Listen and see that there is a way. One way. It's here and it's for everyone who wants to come.'

There are some people who look at me and laugh. They don't see the bridge so they think I'm making it up. They say it's a myth. A good idea. A crutch to lean on when things are hard.

Some people know that the bridge is there, they've seen it themselves, but they refuse to cross it because they think other ways will work just as well.

Still others will cross it and not tell a single soul that it's there. They say, 'I guess they'll have to figure it out on their own. Hopefully they'll make the right choice....'

Others are screaming at everyone telling them that if they don't cross the bridge then they're stupid, foolish, morons.

And then there are those who are quietly showing people the bridge. Leading them to the bridge. Just like someone did for me.
I look at my life now, with Christ, and I know The Way. My faith - everything about it - would be meaningless if I didn't actually care to tell others about it. If I know there is only One Way across that great divide then I have no choice but to tell people, regardless of what they think. I, in no way, have to drag them across the bridge, ridicule them for not believing there is a bridge, hate them for trying something else, or ignore them. But can you see someone listening to me if I said something like 'I'm pretty sure this is right. I mean I don't like saying you can't try the rope or the ladder, it might actually work for you...but for me the bridge works best." How many people will I have lined up?
Instead I must lead them, lovingly like someone did for me, to the bridge. And show them that it's there, it's for them, it's for everyone - even people who have ropes and ladders and flying machines. Those people aren't stupid. They just don't know. No one has shown them the One True Bridge. They may have seen ones that look like it but they will fall apart. Guaranteed.

I am 100% confident that I have found the way. And I desperately want you to know about it so you can come to the beautiful mountain with me.

God - Jesus - The Bridge - is here for everyone.

This is how much God loved the world; He gave his Son, His one and only Son. And this is why; so that no one need be destroyed; by believing in Him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life. God didn't go to all the trouble of sending his Son merely to point an accusing finger, telling the world how bad it was. He came to help, to put the world right again. {John 3:16&17 the Message}

I love you!