There is Power in Vulnerability

By Jen Kline

I am writing today about this word because I believe it is about to change my life. Let me explain.

Growing up it has always been very hard for me to be vulnerable. At some point in my childhood I made a decision that the world around me was not safe and that I needed to protect myself. Protecting myself meant I could not be vulnerable, especially around people. So for years I found ways to avoid being in a place of vulnerability.

I would ignore conflict. I would suppress feelings. I would avoid certain relationships. I would distract myself with being busy and producing and being very involved in anything I could get my hands on. I worked hard and often. I filled my social schedule with anything I could put in it. I did everything big. I even filled the air with my own voice, talking so much in the hopes I could drown out anything that would tell me it was OK to slow down enough to be in a vulnerable place. Sounds exhausting doesn’t it? Well, it was, but let me tell you that what I did as a child and the things I did to protect myself were healthy for me. It was a natural way for me to process all that was happening around me and I’m thankful for it. But 43 years later, it’s exhausting. I’m done. Cashed in. I can’t do it anymore.

This is a new season of facing the vulnerable parts of who I am and this life I have and it’s time to move forward in a way that is good for me. In a way that is real to the people around me and in a way that is honest about my journey with God.

With this journey I am on The Lord is revealing so much to me as I’ve slowed down. He’s spoken beautiful things, brought back precious memories and allowed me to feel a wide range of feelings I was avoiding for all of these years. Often when I am in this place I look to Jesus to see His response to the very human things we deal with, the very hard things on this earth. And I had this thought; When I watched my husband play Jesus in The River Church’s production of The Passion Play, the hardest part of that story for me was when Jesus the Creator of heaven and earth is standing before Pilate and every one is yelling at Him and there is this question as to whether or not they should pick Barabas or Jesus.

My heart aches at this moment every single time. I’m thinking to myself, JESUS! You are GOD! Stand UP! Fight! Do some kind of amazing miracle to save You from this awful fate. Stop them. Change their minds… yell at them! Hit them, run away, and tell them why they are wrong. Tell them who you ARE! Do whatever you have to do to defend Yourself! But He doesn’t. He actually never does. He’s vulnerable. One thing I know about Jesus is His absolute confidence and connectedness to the Father. And I realize the two ingredients Jesus had to always be in a place of vulnerability.

The first is that He was never ashamed of Who He was or what He was there to do. He was present in every moment on earth. He wasn’t distracted or confused. He knew exactly why He was healing, speaking against the Pharisees, challenging the law, and doing things on Sabbath days. He had no shame.

The second is that He knew He was not alone. Even when He begged God to take this cup from Him I believe He knew that God was with Him. He was fully aware of God's presence with Him each and every moment.

If there is power in vulnerability, imagine what that would look like in our families, in our friendships, in our relationships with friends. What if our language and our conversations with our kids were more compassionate and vulnerable? What if we could actually tell our kids that we were having a hard time feeling some emotions, or even cried in front of them? What if we told our husbands the parts of our hearts we’ve been hiding? What if we could tell our friends that we are having a hard time with our finances or that the thing they said to us the other day hurt us? How would we impact each other? How could we impact our community? We wouldn’t have to win all the time; we wouldn’t desire so much control over other people. We could “name” what we were struggling with and let people know what we are about to say to them is very hard and difficult to our hearts. We could listen and we could love people despite their inability to know how to love us well.

It would change our lives.

It wouldn’t make life easier, but I believe that as we really pay attention to the sadness and the difficulties, we would also experience a richer, more vibrant joy in powerful vulnerability.

Listening

By Megan Danquah

Listening.

We are taught from an early age that listening is important, and it is! Listening to our parents, listening to our siblings, listening to our teachers.  Listening to our pastors, bosses, coworkers, friends. Listening to God. I have a question for us, ladies. When was the last time that we were encouraged to listen to ourselves? When, woman of God, was the last time you were encouraged to stop, focus on yourself, get quiet, and listen to what is going on inside of you right this minute? This day? This week? This month? This season of your life? 

We have loud voices surrounding us all the time, demanding our ear. Most of them are good voices and require our care and time. We are busy women who are many times pulled in a hundred directions at once.

But have you stopped, anytime recently, to listen to that little girl inside, full of hopes and dreams for the future, untainted by the pressures and expectations of life? Have you lent an ear to that teenage girl within who is cautious yet risky, fearful and insecure yet beginning to discover the beauty that lies within herself? When was the last time you engaged that woman inside, tending to her children, husband, job, paying bills, putting food on the table, cleaning the house, doing the daily grind over and over again? Isn’t she important to listen to? Isn’t she the one that God entrusted all those beautiful responsibilities with because she is valuable and worthy and because her voice is powerful? 

I recently had a life-changing experience with listening to myself. In 2011 my oldest turned five and we decided to put her in public school, even though I wanted to try out homeschooling. I had just given birth to our third daughter over the summer and because of this I was exhausted.

After Kindergarten and 1st grade, we decided that I would give homeschooling a shot. We got through second grade and then we took a job in another state, moved here to Colorado and, without a second thought, I began homeschooling again in the fall with my (now) third grader and my middle daughter in Kindergarten. Without fail, every Sunday night, I would have a meltdown, whether internally or externally about how much I was dreading the coming week, trying to make my kids enjoy what we were doing at school even though I wasn’t enjoying it myself.

At Christmas-time, I was in the bathroom one day, having yet another meltdown, and, as the tears began coming, this time I asked myself what they were saying to me. What was happening inside of me that was causing this negative reaction to homeschooling?

I listened. Do you know what I heard?  I heard the cries of a woman who needed some space and time, who was overwhelmed and burnt out. A woman who was desperately in need of space to pursue some things that she was passionate about, things that would give her life again. And, this time, instead of allowing her voice to be drowned out, I gave her room and embraced all that she was communicating. I took her seriously.

After a few weeks of processing with my husband and some trusted friends, I made the decision to enroll my girls in public school again. It’s been a little over a month ago that we made this life change, and, girlfriends, I couldn’t be happier! The peace and vision that returned to my life is incredible. I know that I made the right decision for me! For my family! My girls are happy and thriving—growing and enjoying their time at school. Our home life has improved and I am happy again. All because I gave a listening ear to myself and my soul. I embraced me and what was happening inside, even though there were some fears attached, and it has made all the difference.

So, friend, I want to encourage you today to put the kettle on, pour yourself a hot cup of tea or coffee, and sit down for some one-on-one time with……you!  You’ll be the better for it. I promise.    

An Artist's Calling

By Tiffany Bleger

Exodus 35:30 introduces a man who would become vital to the nation of Israel. The NLT translation reads:

"Then Moses told the people of Israel, “The LORD has specifically chosen Bezalel son of Uri, grandson of Hur, of the tribe of Judah. The LORD has filled Bezalel with the Spirit of God, giving him great wisdom, ability, and expertise in all kinds of crafts. He is a master craftsman, expert in working with gold, silver, and bronze. He is skilled in engraving and mounting gemstones and in carving wood. He is a master at every craft." (Exodus 35:30-33 NLT)

God specifically called Bezalel, a craftsman from the tribe of Judah, to oversee the construction of the Tabernacle. To build the dwelling place of Yahweh. The Bible does not say that he was a great manager or overseer, however. It says that he was "a master at every craft."

My spirit finds a significance to that. God did not choose someone whose natural giftings were in leadership and delegation. He chose someone gifted in an art form that would bring beauty to His dwelling place. I'm certain that as Bezalel led the other craftsman in this immense project, God supplied the necessary leadership ability. But the man who started this project was not noted as a leader. And, through the next four chapters, we see the plans given to Moses on the mountaintop come to life through the hands of a craftsman. 

I can't help but wonder what life was like for Bezalel before he was given this task. Was he old? Young? Appreciated for his craft and respected by all? Or ignored, looked down upon, rejected? Was he ridiculed for his gift, this God-given talent that didn't fit the norm for a man in this era? Somehow, I imagine a man, middle aged, but strong and muscular.  He'd have to be strong in order to carve wood and lift kettles of molten gold all day. His hands were delicate, however, probably smaller than most and incredibly sensitive. It required amazing dexterity and coordination to work in gems and cloth with the skill Bezalel obviously had.  

But what was this man like? Did he stand tall, secure in his identity and gifts? Did he know from a young age that he was destined for greatness, that his talents would be used in an incredible way someday? Or did he struggle with doubts and insecurity, wondering why God had given him talents that didn't seem to fit in?  Did he ever consider giving up, switching careers?  Did he struggle to find his place within the tribe?

I wonder if we feel the same way today. We have each been given a measure of talent, special gifts we are to use.  Father gives each of us these gifts to benefit the body of Christ and to point others to the glory of God.  Some of those gifts fit easily into the mold of "church service" that our Christian society has created. But some of us, probably most of us, have talents that seem unusable to God. Talents are different enough from what we see on a Sunday morning that we wonder if there's any use for us at all.

Do you hide your gifts? Have you allowed a dream from your youth to die because you didn't see a place for your talent within the tribe? 

My prayer for you today is that you would allow this passage of Scripture to breathe life into your spirit. Reread Exodus 35-39. Notice everything this seemingly obscure craftsman made for his God. Notice the skill, the giftings this man had to have in order to accomplish this enormous task. And let the Living Spirit speak to you about the talents and gifts He has given you. Let Him reawaken those gifts you've allowed to wither. Perhaps the tribe is simply not ready yet for the tabernacle you will build. But they will be. And it's your job to hone those skills until the day you are called by Father to use them.  

Testimony Tuesday - Your passion and calling

The things you are passionate about are not random, they are your calling.

. Fabienne Fredrickson

Someone posted this on Facebook a little while ago. It really put in words some things that have been going on in my life over the last 8 months.

I work as a horse trainer and in April of last year I left my trainer job of 7 years and went out on my own. It was a huge step both financially and emotionally. I now needed to make sure I had enough work to help support my family but also to further my career.

So I talked to God about it. One thing that happened was that one day when I stood brushing a horse I thought to myself that “ I really would like a horse like this” (this particular horse is probably one of the highest quality horses I’ve ever worked with, really nice high dollar horse) but then the next thought in my head was” but what if it would get injured?” At that moment I heard a voice (can’t say if it was audible or not) say “ Why would I not bless you?” It hit me really hard. Did I not have faith that God would also take care of my horses? It brought me down a new trail of thoughts and prayers. Was I allowed to pray about my job working with horses? I have ridden since I was little and it was always my dream and goal to be a professional trainer. But I don’t think I ever really prayed about it much, especially not for God to bless me in it. I only did it because I had fun and loved doing it.

You also need to know that I have many times in my life seen God move mountains in all kind of areas. I have always believed God had a calling on my life that I one day would fulfill which is how I ended up here.  I came to the US to work with troubled teenagers and horses on a Christian boys ranch. There was suppose to be horses but the main thing was to work with the kids. It ended up never happening. I did administration work instead. 

Anyway here I was realizing that God actually wanted to bless me in the work I am doing. WOW! All of a sudden the words I started out with totally made sense. To be a horse trainer is my life’s passion but also my life’s calling. It is what I am supposed to do. And as one of our pastors so well talked about a while back, it is about seeing dry bones come to live one at the time and be intentional in our relationships and we will see people revived.  To be a missionary doesn’t only mean to leave your home and country and do something totally foreign (even though I tried that to and am very thankful I did) but it means to do God’s mission wherever he sends you.  And in my case it means to serve him as I train horses and teach people to ride.

I wish I could make you understand what a revelation this was to me. I have ridden and trained horses since I was a kid.  But to realize that this is what God wants me to do with the rest of my life, He is the one that put that passion in my life, and He wants me to use it for his glory. I’m blown away.  Now I feel like I can pray for my job, my clients, my future with a whole new level of faith. Now I pray With God instead of To him.

This gives me a different strategy for my future and a feeling of security that is pretty cool!

Blessings!

Daniela Leidy

What Are You Watering?

Have you ever felt like you’re doing everything you know how to do, with all your might and nothing is actually getting accomplished? The Lord reminded me of a word picture He gave me a few years ago when I was feeling this way yesterday. I wanted to share it with you because I’m confident that there are ladies out there who feel like I do.

At our old house Mark and I had planted 2 sets of new trees, a small vegetable garden and a little patch of grass. It was our attempt at landscaping the “desert” we lived in. Sadly, the house we lived in had only one spigot for attaching a hose for watering. Our projects were so far away from each other that in order to water them we would’ve had to spend several hours moving hoses each evening.

The solution we found was an attachment for the spigot where we could connect 4 hoses, each going to the area that needed watering. God told me that the only way that attachment worked well was to shut down three of the hoses and water full blast out of one at a time. If all the hoses were in use at the same time, everything would be watered but none of the areas would receive the necessary water. There would only be a trickle coming from the hose. Much like my life.

If I am so busy doing good things, than it’s very difficult to do the God things that He has assigned me. If my assignments are something like my relationship with God, my husband, my children, women’s ministry and writing (a new thing He speaking to me), and I’m trying to do all at the same time…well none of them get the water and attention they need. If I’m trying to write an email and teach my children, communicate with Mark and squeeze in a quiet time you can imagine how loved everyone feels! I’m pouring out all my energy but nothing is getting done well. I am learning how to set aside specific times for each thing with as few distractions as I can; a difficult assignment to be sure, but a necessary one in order to each area to get the required attention.

If you feel like all of your faucets are running at the same time take a few moments to shut down three and speak to our Sovereign God. Ask Him what needs to shut down when, how to move through the assignments, and even ask what assignments aren’t from Him? There may be something God would like you get involved in that you’ve said “I just don’t have the time”. You may not have the time or energy because you’re spending it doing something God has not asked you to do.

Lord show us where our focus needs to be and help us to discipline ourselves to better accomplish the things you’ve set before us. Amen!

Testimony Tuesday - Being a part!

Many probably remember how Pastor Mark began 2014 with a sermon series called the “Measure of a Strong Church” where he encouraged us to read the first few chapters of Revelation and throughout the series we were to assess ourselves – as individual Christ followers and as members of the body.  I was thoroughly challenged especially since (1) I had feared reading Revelation because I was afraid, specifically of the end times, and (2) our life group had recently read through it with ambivalent results.  One of Pastor Mark’s requests from the church body was to seek God as we read through Revelation and ask God to reveal to us specific things about the River Church.  How did we (as the church) measure up?  Which of the seven churches (or a combination thereof) did we resemble?  
 

The described seven churches are Ephesus (the lacking love church), Smyrna (the persecuted church), Pergamum (the compromising church), Thyatira (the corrupt church), Sardis (the dead church), Philadelphia (the faithful church), and Laodicea (the lukewarm church). 

Reading through this opening part of Revelation again was different because I asked God to open my heart and my eyes – I wanted to please God regardless of my feelings.  I wondered if our gracious and merciful Savior knew that others would be just like me and so He provided a blessing for those who read it:  Blessed is the one who reads the words of this prophecy, and blessed are those who hear it and take to heart what is written in it, because the time is near (Rev. 1:3).  God is all-knowing!  He knew I would be afraid.  Part of my fear is the brilliant and rich figures of speech; the language amazes and startles at the same time, and honestly I didn’t position my heart to read it.  I know now that the enemy was using that fear to block me from receiving God’s blessing.

How I completely missed being in God’s glory because I did not position myself to hear Him!  For me, positioning myself involves several things: praying for God to reveal to me the inner depths of my sin, to repent of that sin, and to expect to hear God’s voice every time.  I love hearing God’s voice – from hushed whispers to thunderous booms.  He is faithful every time.  My part of the faithful equation is much harder to keep.  I did eventually write a list of comparisons between the seven churches and ours.  As I looked at the list of qualities, I asked God what to do with this finding.  At this time, the corporate fast was in progress so I just prayed about the list for a few days.  Then, I prayed for all the church leaders by name and specific area corresponding to the list.   Then, I prayed for the church body as a whole and then individually.  Then, I prayed for myself to find my part in the church body.  So I did what God wanted me to do, but I did it alone (which was never God’s intention) all year long! 

Throughout the year, my desire to know God, read God’s word, study God’s word was growing but I did it alone.  I knew I was disobeying God.  I asked for forgiveness.  I asked for grace.  And of course, God gave it all, including favor and provision.  May it be said that 2015 was a year of revival in the River Church – and needless to say I will be part of it.  So it is with great mercy that I ask all who read this to consider joining me in a new ministry.  I am calling it the Study Guide team.  Just as God revealed to that I am not the only one who was afraid to read through the book of Revelation, I am certain that I am not the only one who desires to know more of God through the weekly sermons.  I do believe that God is leading Pastor Mark to guide our church so as part of the body we need to be positioned to receive and apply God’s word.  I shared my idea with Mark and Jill and they commissioned me to move forward.  I did already speak to a couple of folks, but we definitely need more folks involved so we will have enough on the team to rotate throughout the month.  Thus, the call out for the Study Guide team. 

WHO: All those whom God calls

WHAT: A committed group of believers who will serve 1^st and 2^nd service to collectively write a Study Guide based on that morning’s sermon

HOW: The assigned Study Guide team will attend 1^st service and take notes, and then the team will meet together during 2^nd service and type out a Study Guide for life groups to use during the week

WHY: We our called to study God’s word (and apply it), to fellowship with other believers, and it makes God happy

My heart is what Pastor Mark preached recently on Isaiah 58:6-8.  By providing our church body with a guide to dig deeper into God’s and apply it to our lives, we will see the untying of “the cords of the yoke” and “light will break forth like the dawn.”  Please email with questions: arroyoarte@gmail.com

Wrestling with God

God has placed dreams and promises in my heart that haven’t come to fruition yet.  It can be frustrating.  I would imagine that many of you reading this could say the same thing.  God where is your answer?  What is your timing?  Are you even listening?  Have you forgotten about me?  Have I done something wrong?

It seems that while we are waiting on God for His answers and timing the enemy comes in with lies and doubts and we partner with him and begin to feel discouraged and abandoned.

There are dozens of stories in the Bible where normal, sinful people were struggling with God, waiting for His promises.  One story I love is that of Jacob. 

Jacob was a normal, stinky, younger brother.  He tempted Esau right out of His birthright and then cheated him out of his blessing.  He ran away, got married (twice!), cleverly took his father-in-laws best goats from his flock as his own and ran away again.  He wasn’t all bad though.  He was a hard worker and very smart.  God blessed all that he put his hands to.  He worshipped the God of his fathers and built alters to them.

On his way back to his home to make amends with his brother he stops to wrestle with God.  The Bible doesn’t say this exactly, but I wonder if Jacob remembers the promise God gave to his grandfather Abraham that his decedents would be more than the grains of sand or the stars in the sky.  God’s blessing would be on Abraham and all of the generations after him.  I wonder if Jacob wasn’t seeing the promise fulfilled here.  Especially now that he was to meet up with his brother who he was sure was still angry with him.

So he sends his family on ahead and stays to wrestle with God.  He laid it out before his God.  He knew He needed God’s blessing to go forward with this meeting with Esau.

In Genesis 32:23-28 it says

²³ After he had sent them across the stream, he sent over all his possessions. ²⁴ So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak. ²⁵ When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob’s hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man. ²⁶ Then the man said, “Let me go, for it is daybreak.”

But Jacob replied, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.”

²⁷ The man asked him, “What is your name?”

“Jacob,” he answered.

²⁸ Then the man said, “Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel,^[a] because you have struggled with God and with humans and have overcome.”

Matthew Henry’s commentary says this about wrestling:

Nothing requires more vigor and unceasing exertion than wrestling. It is an emblem of the true spirit of faith and prayer. Jacob kept his ground; though the struggle continued long, this did not shake his faith, nor silence his prayer. He will have a blessing, and had rather have all his bone put out of joint than go away without one. Those who would have the blessing of Christ must resolve to take no denial. The fervent prayer is the effectual prayer.

This is our responsibility: to wrestle with God.  Wrestling challenges our faith and causes us to press in, unwilling to let go until we receive the blessing of God.  It’s exhausting, challenging, tiring, and can seem endless, but it is truly powerful.

God answered Jacob’s prayer for blessing and favor.  God restored Jacob and Esau’s relationship and blessed the nations through them.  He listens and doesn’t demand a perfect life in order to receive His promises, just one willing to wrestle and struggle with God and humans and overcome.

God, let us be ones who do not fear the wrestling but overcome in faith!

What do we do?

Sometimes I get overwhelmed with the state of our country, our world.  So much violence, hate, prejudice, discrimination, social media bullying... It's enough to feel hopeless and powerless. I really hate that feeling.  What can I do about it?  How do I bring hope in a world without?  How do I bring light into darkness?  Do I believe what some Christians do and think that it's okay to just sit back and let the world do it's thing because the worse it gets, the sooner Jesus will come back?  Really?  That's the answer?

Oh Lord help us.

And He does.  He reminded me of homeschool.  The curriculum that I use takes us through all of history starting with creation.  Last year it was creation to the Greeks and this year we're going from Rome to the Reformation.  It's been amazing!  And very eye-opening! 

Not one time in the history of our world have things been easy or peaceful.  We have a world history of violence, greed, war, selfishness, hate, discrimination and bullying. Every country has been fought over and killed for.  

You're probably thinking, wow Jill, this is awesome.  Thanks for the uplifting message.  

Hang with me here.  In addition to reading about all this violent history we've been studying the history of the church.  We read through the Old Testament and New, and have read books about the earliest church after Christ.  And it's blown me away that time and time again, in the midst of war, in the midst of uncertainty, in the midst of great trial and struggle, the church has come blazing through.  The message of hope, the message of Christ, has always been relevant no matter what the circumstances.  The people of Christ's church have fought bravely to protect that message, often giving up their lives for it.

We often hear about the things that the church has done wrong and I will admit to being put off by that when I first became a Christian.  I've also come to see that of course we're gonna mess it up.  We're human and we still wrestle with selfishness and greed.  But for every story of the things we've done wrong there are countless others that would blow you away!  Stories of love, freedom, passion, selflessness, overcoming, forgiveness and grace. 

People like Amy Carmichael, Brother Andrew, George Mueller, the Pilgrims, Nate Saint, Adoniram Judson, St. Patrick to name just a few ... people who gave up everything to follow the call of Christ.

So what do we do with the state of our world?  Give up?  Wait for Jesus to come back?  Or do we follow the heroes of the faith and answer the call from God?

I don’t want to be sitting on the sidelines waiting for the final whistle.  I want to be out there, loving people, bringing light and hope.  Investing in lives that matter to God.  Answering His call no matter that the world may say I’m crazy. 

I am. 

I’m crazy for Jesus and what He’s done for me.  I’m crazy for knowing more about our Savior, the one Who called me into His glorious presence.  I’m crazy to experience His Kingdom here on earth and to bring that Kingdom to others. 

Will you join me?

Testimony Tuesday

 

I'm sharing this testimony because I am experiencing Jesus in a new way through fasting and praying as well as worship and praise.  I've been attending TRC for the past 9 years and in that time have had a variety of experiences with Jesus in a variety of ways.  He's been very real and shown me things in my relationships, in my service, in my worship and whenever I seek his face.  My desire in my heart is for Jesus to transform me and for me to be a vessel of his love and compassion in a hurting world.

What I am realizing is that I cannot be a vessel if I have not been healed of some of the hurt and yuck I have carried around with me most of my adult life.  Some of the things of my past, my sin and my life have kept me from an intimate relationship with him.  But he is SO faithful because as I seek his face in all of it, he begins to reveal more and more to me about how I can bring these things to light. 

So recently I have been "juice" fasting and praying.  If you would have told me a while back that I'd be someone who loves to "not eat" and "deny my flesh" to seek the Lord I would have laughed very hard.  Eating is my thing, I love food. I love talking about food, smelling food, researching recipes, eating things with my kids and recently I've been on a vegan recipe hunt.  (just because I love fruits and vegetables and how they make me feel)  I'm fasting and praying for some big things in my personal life and in the riverKIDS ministry.  What happens when I fast is that I deny my flesh and my spirit soars… it's the only way I can describe it.  I read the bible and words are beaming… I listen to worship and I am rocked… I talk to people about their circumstances and all I can see is the spiritual side of things and how God sees their difficulties.  The fast I am on now has been the most difficult of any fast I have done.  I have to leave the room when I feed my family.  Food smells so incredibly good… I have to keep my bible close by so I can fill my spirit instead of my flesh. It's awesome and painfully uncomfortable at the same time.  God's voice is so close to me when I fast… I just love it.

So last Sunday during worship, I was praying and asking God for more of him and just reveling in His goodness. He showed me a picture of myself worshiping at TRC back when it was New Life and I was visiting my family when Grace was only about 6 weeks old.  We had come to visit the church when it was called New Life and pastor Gary was still here.  I wasn't close to the Lord at that time, but I knew he was drawing me in.  When Grace was born God became so real to me, it was the beginning of my heart being softened enough to hear him.  As the worship music filled the sanctuary my heart softened even more, tears started flowing as I held my new baby in this church as the healing words of scripture fell upon both of us.  I wept and did not know why I was weeping.  During Worship Holy Spirit began bringing this memory back to me and said, do you remember when I softened your heart 9 years ago… I responded… yes… I remember…

Then immediately Holy Spirit brought me the vision of a potters wheel and a clay pot sitting on it.  I immediately felt a rush of love wash over me.  The Lord said to me,  I am doing a new thing in you… I am molding you, because I love you.  I am not molding you because I need you to be different. I am molding you because I love you too much and I have SO much for you. More than you could ever dream.  Allow me to mold you. The clay does not fight the potter's hands.  All the clay has to do is sit there, trusting  the artist and my love will mold you into the woman I have created you to be. 
 

The voice… crystal clear… the vision very powerful and the message healed my heart.  I guess I am writing this testimony to let people know it's important that we allow the Lord to show us things during worship.  If you saw me last Sunday I could not stop crying… I was poised to hear him from fasting, I was letting my heart feel and receive all he had for me and I was responding and communicating back to him as I praised him in each song.  God is moving ladies… just like Mark said - he desires a deep intimate relationship with all of us.  Don't back down.  Show up.  Let him soften your hearts and mold you into the beautiful woman he has created you to be.   Even though all of these things have been uncomfortable… I know they will bring Him Glory… what motivation! 

Jen Kline

Testimony Tuesday - Experience Greater Relationship!

OK here goes. I am experiencing the presence, essence of the Holy Spirit.  I have been a Christian for many years, but until recently I have only experienced the presence of God at church, while worshiping, or hanging with other Christians.  I knew I was missing something as when I got home I felt something missing. I read my bible, I helped out in ministry, I have church friends, THOUGHT I was experiencing God,  but had never felt or experienced the indwelling of the Holy Spirit.  I started to experience this several years ago, when I was in a peaceful place in my life, reading my bible daily, and being unencumbered by “the world”.  But low and behold, I thought God wanted me to be busy, started a business, got all caught up in the realization of my dream. Of course, the business failed, it was never God's idea, it was my own, and I had consulted other Christians to affirm God's blessing, not Him personally.    I am back in that place now where I spend time with Him on a daily basis, read His Word, participate in a bible study, still help out at church, but I have discovered His Holy Presence with me at all times.  Since this revelation I breathe deeply,  I am set free, no longer chained to the world. 

Psalm 25:14  “The Lord tells His secrets to those who respect Him,  He tells them about His agreement.”   This verse holds special meaning to me.  After reading it, I truly knew He wanted me to know things about Him, His character, on a personal intimate basis. 

I joined a bible study, low and behold, my computerized work schedule accommodated my time with some wonderful women. Which, was another answer to prayer, as I didn't feel like I belonged to any particular group at our church, and was praying for a sense of belonging.  Another bible study came along (different teacher, different theme) and continued to speak to me like a personal tale straight from the Holy Spirit.  I would read my bible at home, and go to church and hear Mark mention the exact same passages I had just read earlier.  It's like the Holy Spirit is not coming and going but is constantly with me and my experience with Him is personal, in my face, on a moment to moment basis.  I guess I want to say,  for me, experiencing God's intimacy, being first in my life, is actually placing him first on my agenda,  not, after my family, my friends, my work, and on and on.  Thank you for allowing me to share my love for my Savior and His comfort, peace, protection, and dependability.  Yay God!!

Throwback Thursday -- A Fine Line

---Originally posted 2011---
 
There is a fine line between passion and judgement. Sadly many of us, myself very much included, cross it. A lot. God gives us a passion for something. I believe He gives it to us so we can continue on! And do it well. And do it to bring Him glory.

We can have a passion for families, children, homeschooling, breastfeeding, a certain way to give birth, healthy eating, a specific ministry, a cause, a simple lifestyle, the Bible, prayer, disciplining, evangelism, reading, writing, singing etc... (just to name a few different ones, but there are infinite passions!) We have that God-given passion to be motivated, to be more aware, to defend, to pursue...Unfortunately for many of us, we get this passion and look around {in other words, take our eyes off the Passion-Giver!} and we wonder why everyone else doesn't have it.

When I was doing youth ministry it boggled my mind why people wouldn't totally jump on board and support the youth. In Children's ministry I couldn't understand why people wouldn't serve and love on our future! In women's ministry I didn't get why more women didn't get involved. In each season of ministry God gave me His eyes, His heart and His passion for who I was ministering to. He gives me the same passion for my children and for homeschooling them and for being a good wife and mom.

I realize, however, that I can take that passion and look at others and wonder why they don't feel the same. I wonder what's wrong with them- have they not heard God clearly tell them something!? (oh my gosh how prideful of me....) - and pass judgement. I know that God does NOT want us to move from passion to judgement. He, and He alone, works in the hearts of His people. No one told me to be love youth. God did. No one made me love kids. God did. No one forced me to do women's ministry. God moved on my heart to do it. I was drawn and moved by others' passion but it wasn't because they told me to be passionate about it. Does that make sense?

He is the one with the passion and we are the ones who are responsible to steward it according to His will. His passion keeps us going when it's tough. His passion gives us a goal and a direction when we feel lost. His passion tells us we haven't failed, don't give up. His passion fuels us to love, to encourage, to teach, to do something. His passion is used to build up His Kingdom, not tear it down.

Be a good steward with the passion God gives you and He WILL expand it, grow it and encourage it. And He will be glorified in it!

Throwback Thursday - We all wanna be right

(originally published in 2009)
 
As someone who has worked in more than one ministry {4 or 5 actually} I can tell you that I have, on occasion :) fallen into this. The desire to be right. The desire to make my "passion" everyone's passion. The desire to bring my ministry, my calling, to the forefront and make it known to everyone just how important my ministry is. Wow. How crazy and selfish am I?

Quite, actually. I think that this is something that every single one of us humans has a problem with. And it's not that it's a big problem in the beginning but it can turn into one. Let me explain.

When I was a youth pastor, teenagers were my passion. I loved everything about them. They were cool and fun and I loved hanging out with them, teaching them, and mentoring them. {good} I figured everyone should love it as much as I do. {not so good} I was amazed at some people's attitudes towards youth ministry. People were afraid of the teens, didn't want to volunteer, didn't want to give money to our ministry etc...it broke my heart. These teens were worth it! They deserved better!

Then I moved into Children's ministry. And kids became my passion. I loved teaching, hugging and loving the kids. {good} I felt like they had been forgotten. I was appalled that people {including parents} wouldn't volunteer to love our kids, teach them God's word, and help bring them up. It was such an important ministry. How could anyone see it any different? {not good}

I also have served in women's ministry. I loved getting to know women, hearing their struggles, praying for them, ministering to them, having fun with them. {good} How could people not all jump at the chance to serve women? {not good} They deserve it!

Now I'm doing our greeter ministry and am watching Mark lead worship. Two other very important ministries. Why don't people jump at the chance to serve there?

All of these ministries are important to God. All of them were important to me. Why was I so upset that they weren't important to everyone else?

Because God gave ME the heart for each ministry. God showed ME how to be an advocate for each one, how to love each one, how to serve each one, how to grow each one and how to be changed by each one. Am I right because I've loved each ministry? No. Is everyone else wrong because they don't share my passion for each one? No. Then why do I/we live like that?

I'm not saying that the world is relative and there is no right and wrong, that's not what I'm talking about here. I'm talking about the life that each one of us has. Why do we insist on thinking everyone should agree with everything we do? Is it so we are validated? So that we can be encouraged that we're doing the right ministry or raising our children right or believing the right politics? How sad are we?

I've seen people devastated in ministry because their ministry didn't get the attention they thought it deserved. They were bitter because their ministry wasn't highlighted, wasn't given the funding, wasn't given the attention by the "appropriate" people. They quit. They gave up. Sadly their audience wasn't the important ONE. The important ONE is God. Instead of looking to God for encouragement, validation etc... they looked to man. Man-who will always fail us. Always. Youth, children, greeters, missions, worship, sound, tech., orphans, men, women, singles, married, college...you name it, they all want to be the most important ministry. And they should be. Because they are all important to God. And He gives each of us a heart for that ministry. A heart to help. A heart to love, to minister, to be Jesus. We just can't expect everyone to feel the exact same way that we do. God gives each of us a heart for that ministry during that season for a reason. To bring attention to them maybe. Who knows. But we need to stop freaking out when others don't feel the same. God will take care of it. He will bring others with the same heart to our ministry. We just need to be obedient to what He's asked us to do. And stop being distracted by what we think others ought to be doing.

It doesn't stop in ministry either. I've seen parents like this. They are adamant about the choices they've made for their children and want everyone to agree. Like they are horrible parents if no else is doing it the exact same way they are. Adamant that you give birth naturally, or take drugs, breastfeed or bottle-feed, adopt or get pregnant, have a dozen children or none, spank or not, organic food or not, pacifiers or not, homeschool or public school, cloth diapers or disposable etc...It's insane! I've definitely, at times, been part of the problem. Hard to admit that I wanted others to agree with how I was raising my children in order to feel like I was doing the right thing. Instead of asking God, the ONE who gave me these children, if I was doing alright, I looked to others. And frankly, it made/makes me miserable. Because not everyone does it the same. They're not supposed to. And I'm not failing because I don't do it like everyone else. I'm not a bad parent because I gave birth to my children, breastfed them, disposable diapered them, spanked them on occasion, gave them whatever food I have, pacifiered them, homeschooled them and loved them. Nor are you a bad parent if you don't do any of this! Why must we constantly compare?

I think it has to do with our need to feel good. To feel right. Ugh! We all just wanna be right. Let's stop the madness. Let's stop the judgment. Let's look to HIM for our validation, our encouragement, our instructions, our worth. Man {woman} will fail us. Every time.