Throwback Thursday - Do I really want God's best?

(originally published in 2009)

If I were to define my life I would say something like a friend and follower of Jesus, a wife, and a stay at home mom. Nothing too flashy but it's me.

I try everyday to submit my will to Christ's. I know that He is worthy to be praised. He's faithful, wise, and in control. He's omniscient {knows everything}, omnipresent {is everywhere at the same time}, and omnipotent {all-powerful}. He has never let me down. He is above and beyond worthy of my trust and my life.

Yet sometimes I'm not so sure I want to turn everything over to Him. And it makes me sad to realize that I haven't.

I have heard many sermons, sung many songs and read many books about submitting myself, my life, my dreams and plans, all to God. And everytime I hear, sing or read these encouragements I think "I have! I will! I am!" And then I realize "I haven't! I'm not so sure I will. And am I really?"

Obviously it's pride that makes me think I've got the submission thing down. I feel like I've submitted big things to Him. I pray about lots of things asking for Him to guide me, direct me, show me what I need. And usually I'm eager to hear His answer. Mostly because it's something I'm desperately wanting Him to answer...my way...

He doesn't always answer my way. Duh! I'm not omni-anything. What do I know? And I trust that. Then I realize that there are still areas that I'm afraid of His answers. So I don't ask. I'm afraid that I won't be able to do what He asks, that I won't like what He answers, that I'm not really hearing the right thing anyway. And then, of course {because my crazy mind works this way} I go on and on thinking, again, how trustworthy He is. How much He loves me and wants the best for me.

But do I really want God's best?

In my mind I scream "YES! Of course I do!". But then I look again at my actions and realize that I am not always asking for God's best.

I read a book recently, Believing God by Beth Moore, and she described a scene that has literally haunted me since I read it. She shares about going on a walk and coming upon some ducks playing in a muddy pond next to the sidewalk. They were splashing around having a great old time in this small, muddy pond. As she walked up a small hill she saw a beautiful, clear, big pond. Those poor ducks were settling for this little, yucky dirty pond when, if they would just get out and go up the hill, they would have a beautiful, clean pond with more room to play.

How often have I desperately tried to be content in my small, yucky, muddy pond, instead of going up over the hill to experience and see what God's best is for me? Am I afraid of the big pond? Am I afraid of the hill I may have to climb to get there? Am I scared of leaving the comfortable - even if it's not great - just because it's familiar? Am I truly afraid of what God's best is?

I have no logical reason to feel this way. God has proven Himself to me many times over. When I prayed about Children's Ministry {a ministry that I was terrified to do} God changed my heart and gave me an excitement and passion for kids that I didn't know was in me {and it probably wasn't until I allowed God to move me}. When I prayed about homeschooling {something else I was terrified of} God challenged me, changed my heart, and gave me the desire to teach my kids at home.

There are still areas that I am being very challenged to wholeheartedly submit to Jesus. And I desperately want to. I know that His pond that He has for me is sooooo much greater than the mud puddle I've been settling for. I think it will be an everyday, for the rest of my life, challenge. But I know that His plans for me are greater than I can think or imagine.

What an adventure being a Christian is! Amen?!