Practicing Prayer

When I first became a Christian (by that I mean I surrendered my life and my plans and trusted God with it all) in 1998 at 20 I didn't know much about prayer. I had prayed all my life for meals. I would pray in church with the pastor. I would hear eloquent, beautiful, written prayers. But when it came time for me to pray....out loud in front of others....I honestly didn't know how to do it. 

I remember one of the first prayer meetings I went to in college. I didn't really know what to expect. We had gathered to pray for a speaker that was coming to the Fort to share. I think I assumed we'd gather, hold hands and pray eloquent, beautiful, written prayers. 

I was wrong. 

What I experienced that night was a form of warfare. I didn't know it but I do now.  People started praying out loud at the same time. I remember thinking this is crazy. Everyone's talking at the same time! How can they hear? I sat wide eyed looking around at believers who were contending for what The Lord wanted in that place. 

I remember God saying to me 'It's okay. Just watch. This is good. It's of me. It's new for you but it's good.' 

So I did. I just watched. And I learned. 

Fast forward many years. Over the course of my walk with The Lord I've put into practice what I saw. I have read books on prayer, prayed with others and have become much more comfortable in prayer. I've come to see prayer as just a simple heartfelt conversation with God. He's not impressed by eloquent language but by a simple love for Him. God has given me a prayer language and it's a beautiful thing. A gift that I treasure and use often. I can imagine that if the old me came and heard the new me praying, the old me would stare wide eyed ;) 

But I'm not done learning and I'm not done practicing. I have learned, so far, that prayer is to be practiced. It's something that grows as we do it. We learn as we do it. We become more comfortable when we do it. 

Here's where I'm at now. I have all day running conversations with God. He's always somewhere on my mind and I chat with him all day. I don't say that to boast but to share honestly where my prayer life is. I can pray out loud. I love to pray for others. I can see what God does through prayer. 

Here's where I'm challenged. Specific, conversational prayer by myself. God has been stretching me on just sitting quietly with Him. Praying and listening. Coming to Him with things about life, my family, my church, His plans for me. When I do this my mind tends to wander. A lot. 

My in-head prayers tend to go something like this: 

"God thank you for this beautiful, rainy day....I need to make sure the kids dress warm for the park....sorry Lord. I'm back. I love you God and I'm so thankful for Your revelations, Your patience, Your grace. Help me to love my kids like You love me....cause yesterday was really challenging. Gosh I hope I don't have to do as many time outs and I wonder if school will go well. Maybe I should go on Pintrest and look at how other moms organize.... Whoa! Back now Lord...my coffee's getting cold. Maybe I should warm it up....grrr! I'm sorry God. Why can't I focus for two minutes?! Help me hear you in my bible time. Show me what you have for me today....don't forget to wash that one shirt Jack loves...."

Get the picture? I don't believe for one second that God is angry with me for my wandering mind. In fact He probably just chuckles at me. He knows my heart and my desire. He also knows I need discipline and practice. Practice refocusing my mind on him. He's patient and slow to anger. Thank goodness! I'd be annoyed if I was having a conversation with myself like that! 

All this to say, don't give up on prayer. Don't think He's disappointed in you because it isn't eloquent and beautiful. Whatever you say to Him is beautiful to Him. He just loves talking with His kids. Keep practicing. It gets easier! 

Amen :)