Testimony Tuesday - Women's Retreat Part 5

I can't fix it, but He can.
This weekend i Have opened myself to more relationship that I probably have in .... forever.  No matter how many devastated, ended, or unhealthy relationships I have had, or unhealthy situation I have been in, my heart WILL be redeemed and healed.  It's a good thing He love redeeming because I have a lot of junk to be redeemed from.
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The more important and special thing to me this weekend was value.  I want to be the hands, the mouth, the feet, the ears, I want to do anything and everything that I can possibly do to be a disciple and show other women that they have value, the way that I have been shown that I have value.  I am special and I bring something special that God has given me, that nobody else can bring the way that I can.
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I can't say that there was anything "huge" in my life but I have experienced a time of refreshing in the Lord - a time of re-connecting and once again a desire to seek Him more fully, more passionately.  So, even though that my not be big to anyone else, it is big in my life and my walk with the Lord.  Thank you for you words and time of preparation to share with us what God has put on your heart!
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With the leaves turning and the rain falling, what a beautiful time to do my shedding of the "crusty old girl" and allowing my Heavenly Father to wash me up, drop my dots and re-identify myself to the true woman that He had made me.  I have been reminded of my "true place" in my world of wife, family and work.  Now it's our time to walk it out faithfully.
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My heart's prayer in coming to this retreat was to meet women, new friends of deep faith.  I found many kindred spirits here which was a joy and met a deep need.  I am still ruminating on that part for me of God's particular design and purpose, but I know the Holy Spirit touched me as tears appeared often (but part of that could be that I forgot to bring my hormone replacement pills!) Haha!
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God set me free from bitterness and anger!
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I have been shown that sorrow is keeping me from receiving all that Jesus has for me and wants me to do.
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God's plan is never wrong...wait on the Lord... Life lessons...for others are thru/can be thru me...all because He love ALL.  It will bring pain and hurt, and joy because He loves us His daughters.
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It was a revelation to learn that we were created for beauty.  My sin has been believing that I am vain for trying to be pretty.  But it backfired.  Instead of not thinking about it, I obsessed over it and tried too hard: buying clothes, cosmetics, over-exercising, dieting, checking the mirror, checking the scale... Praise God I am free!! Thank you Lord!
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Testimony Tuesday - Women's Retreat Part 5

We here are so blessed because we are God's children so our eyes/hearts are open to His Spirit and love and promises.  May we yield to His Spirit daily so that we can show this light to our non-Christian friends.  How sad that they don't have His Spirit to show them how really beautiful they are. Let's be bold and reach out to them.
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Yahoo Jesus!  Restoring my marriage!  Healing my heart!  Hallelujah!!! Glory!
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Wahoo!  Thank you Lord for forgiving me of the sin of fear and failure!  I am so grateful for your love for me!
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Friday morning the first thing I heard - Jumping off point.  God help me take the plunge
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This retreat has blessed me in so many ways.  God has been pulling on my heart then He brought it.  Every single doubt and questions I had for Him have been answered.  Thank you Jill and all of the women who helped put this retreat together.  It has become something I look forward to every year.
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I had quite a few things revealed to me this weekend.  Things I need to work on.  Things I am doing well.  But when it came time to write one down, my mind would draw a blank.  Until this morning.  While singing to God in the shower, a few lines of one song kept reverberating in my heart.  One word of the verse more than the others.  I sang this.  
      Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree
      BENDING beneath the weight of His love and mercy
It stuck out to me because I keep believing the lie that He wants to change everything about me and my life.  That He wants to break me, when all He really wants is for me to bend beneath His love and mercy.  That He wants to change me quietly.  Get rid of the bad and keep the good.
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This weekend marks the start of new God-designed me!
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ONLY GOD could use a sleeping bag to teach...
I woke up this morning and had a thought... "I'm gonna get up and fix my bed...lay my sleeping bag out smooth, straighten my pillows," I decided.
God questioned me, "Why are you gonna do that?"
My immediate thought was,"So my cabin mates will think I have it all together."
God replied, "Why does it matter what they think? I love you even if it stays in a pile on your bed or even if you leave them in a lump pile in the middle of the floor.  How I feel about YOU is the ONLY thing that matters!"
Me: "Oh God...only You could use my sleeping bag to teach me about my worth."

Testimony Tuesday - Women's Retreat Part 4

The fact that my womb and my breasts are a symbol of who God is, makes this pregnancy mean so much more.  I am humbled and honored that God would use me to bring life and speak life into my children and hubby.  My body is BEAUTIFUL no matter what the world or Satan might tell me.  Father I thank You for this amazing gift.
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This weekend the Lord has revealed to me that I am a daughter of a King, romantically fashioned to influence, nurture and bring life to the people in my life.  I have learned that the world I've grown up in and heard from has told me some lies that have wrecked the foundation of what I have thought and known about God.  I'm a life giver.  I can't wait to influence the people in my life with this beautiful gift.  
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I am enough for Him.  We are enough for Him.
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I am life giving.  Even if I've believed the voices of the world telling me that because I've never had a child, I'm not.  I choose to hear and believe the Voice of the Lord Who tells me that I am.  I am life giving even though my womb is empty.  I will trust the Lord.
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This weekend God started tugging at 2 roots that I've known about for a long time but have never been ready to let go of until now.  Pride and fault-finding.  They both make me act like a jerk but in times past I've always found a way to justify it or pass the blame off to someone else.  I asked God why I do this and He revealed to me that I am insecure and scared of being embarrassed.  To kill this week God showed me that I am not good, but He is and He dwells within me making me good, therefore all credit for anything I do good goes to God.  I believe as my pride begins to melt away, fault-finding will as well, because I will not longer need to find someone else to blame for my behavior.

Testimony Tuesday - Women's Retreat Part 3

More testimonies from our women's retreat!
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This weekend I started out picturing my "house".  It was a solid foundation but bare.  I stood in the middle of it with a hammer in one hand and a nail in the other, not sure what to do next.  This weekend was a confirmation of the work that He is already doing in my life.  I am not finished yet, but I feel like I can honestly say that I am finishing out the weekend, side-by-side with the Master Carpenter, nailing the first board into place.
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I am not just a face in the crowd to Jesus!  He sees me specifically!
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This weekend Father took me into the deep water, as the Oceans song speaks.  He led me where my feet failed so that I could experience His power through me!
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He is proud of us, His creations!
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We don't have to understand God completely in order to follow immediately.  For years God has been telling me to invest my time and talents to be part of a church family. As I was walking along the river trail, God's creation opened up to me and this is what He showed me about my fear of investing in people.

I was blessed to see with fresh eyes the oak brush leaves.  There were many leaves all connected to a branch.  Although they were changing colors-in a transformation- they were pliable and supple and fastened to the main source of life, the branch.  The leaves were so diverse in color and they were all similar shape - oak leaves - by they were in such diverse progression of change.  The color patterns were beautiful - individually and collectively the display was overwhelming.  I experienced God's mystery.  We all develop at different rates and we all have different talents and levels of time - yet we each are so vital to display God's beauty, His purpose and pleasure.

This is my beginning to risk sharing my talents and time for God's glory.
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God solidified my position in Him and His in me.

Testimony Tuesday - Women's Retreat part 2

For the next several weeks I'll be sharing testimonies from women who attended our women's retreat.  It's so good to see all that God did while ladies were away with Him for the weekend.  Let's celebrate His goodness!
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Bridge - 
Hey Bridge! Hi bridge! My friend.  I say here last year, so much pain, wanting to belong, to fit in.  I say on you, bridge, and watched the water rush away from me, hoping my pain would be carried away by the waters.  Hello bridge. I am back.  And you know what God is saying to me now? 
"STRENGTH! Do you feel it? Strength! No, your life is not perfect but your love, your security, in ME is so much stronger than it was last year." 
What do we work on this time God? 
"Let my love define you." 
Bye bridge - see you next year.  God willing.
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I am unique...I am not anyone else...I don't have to be anyone else...because He loves me.
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I have always had a problem with my body image.  The world looks at women's bodies like they need to be tiny.  I realized this weekend that this body has been a vessel for three beautiful children and that is the reason why my body is not perfect.  I, of course, knew that but I guess have never thought that was a good enough reason to not have a better looking body.  Now I feel this body is what has allowed three children to have life and THAT is a beautiful thing.  My body is NOT perfect and that's ok.
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God got rid of a root of bitterness I had against Him because I felt like I wasn't created to be enough - not influential enough, not beautiful enough, not talented enough.  Such lies!  No more bitterness and now I'm free to live in the truth of who He has made me! Yay Jesus!
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Do not cover our shame and sin up - go "naked" before the Lord.  We must also be understanding and pray and forgive those that also cover up their sin and shame with lies, anger, control, etc.  And pray; pray hard - believing that God can and will break through all the learned family bondage.  Give grace, love and a quiet spirit so that God can move in them.  Do not give up on them or yourself.
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This weekend has spoken to me in regards to being a woman in so many ways and has caused me to see myself and my struggles differently. One way specifically is coming before my Savior naked in my hurts and actions and emotions.  Trusting that He truly is ok with me and His love is great than all that yuck.  My plan now is to continue to put this "nakedness" before Him into action.
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Thank you for taking me "back to the beginning"  I praise Jesus for giving my heart a home, for giving me value and self worth and comfort.

Testimony Tuesday -- Women's Retreat

For the next several weeks I'll be sharing testimonies from women who attended our women's retreat.  It's so good to see all that God did while ladies were away with Him for the weekend.  Let's celebrate His goodness!
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I am enough for Him.
We are enough for Him.
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I am life-giving.  Even if I have believed the voices of the world telling me that because I've never had a child I'm not.  I choose to hear and believe the voice of the Lord who tells me that I am.
I am life-giving even though my womb is empty.
I will trust in the Lord.
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God FASHIONED us!!!!
Eeeeeeeeeeeee!!!
He gave me a picture of an artist/potter creating a masterpiece...and the time that it takes to create such a piece with such immeasurable value.  The eye for detail, the subtle intricate elements, endless hours spent "bedazzling" such a work of art.  Perfection as seen by The Creator takes time...it is not finished.  Just as our "becoming" what HE has in mind...our "divine design" takes time.  We are to ENJOY the time that He creates into His masterpiece...we won't be disappointed.
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God challenged me to be Mary, to be an example of Mary to my children.
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God's been calling me and showing me how to come to Him raw and unfiltered.  So often I try to "pull myself together" before going to God.  He wants me to bring everything to Him RAW, pour out my heart to Him, rest in Him.  HE wants me to trust that He is who He says He is and that He is transforming me and doing a new thing.  He's calling me into His reality---calling me to be real.  He's revealing to me His redemption and restoration.
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I have never doubted that God loves me, cherishes me, values me, desires relationship with me, that God would never bring me to anything that He would not bring me through, that He would lead me, or carry me to where He needed me to be, but this weekend God showed me: I AM WORTHY of being loved by Him unconditionally!

Testimony Tuesday - God's Comfort

My father contracted West Nile virus eight years ago. Dad was left with paralysis below the neck, meningitis, encephalitis, a feeding tube, and on a respirator. He couldn't talk and was only able to move his eyes and shrug his shoulders for yes and no. During this time we all prayed for God's will. We didn't want him to live like this, and knew that he didn't either, But there was nothing we could do but rely on God.

So many times we wondered where God was. To us, Dad was suffering. Day after day, he laid in that bed, listening to the radio or the TV. His only visitors were my mom, and the staff. We we able to visit occasionally, but, unfortunately not often. Even through these times Dad never looked sad, always smiled and the twinkle in his eye was never dim. I promised him that if he wanted to go, I would take care of Mom. That was the one thing in his life that was most important to him. He always shook his head no.

Many people cared for him, and so many commented on what a wonderful man he was. How could they know that? They didn't know him before the bite, and he couldn't talk! Mom said that this was what God wanted from him and was still using him. Nurses, RT's and CNA's all loved him; I mean really loved him! They sang to him, danced for him, told him jokes, and interacted with him like I have never seen before. Once, we even saw one of them laying with him, so that he had human contact. I believe that he helped them to learn patience, compassion, and tolerance.

Mom called a few weeks ago and said that Dad was failing. It could be days, weeks, or even a month or two, but he was not the same. I decided to go to Pueblo on Friday, August 15, before my Fall got busy with work. Saturday, Mom and I went to the nursing home and saw Dad. He wasn't very active, and wouldn't or couldn't, open his eyes. He couldn't move his shoulders and really didn't want to acknowledge that I was there. I talked to him, about the family and such, but when I mentioned the promise that I had made to him earlier he opened his eyes wide, and shook his head yes.

Early Sunday morning, the nursing home called and said that they were afraid that if they removed the ventilator, like they did every morning, that he would not be able to breath on his own.  We headed to the home, calling the family so that they could come.

We loved on him, and disconnected the vent about 11am. He struggled to breath but continued on. We waited and watched. Staff came in, and you could tell they were sad, they had tears for him.

Soon it was time; he struggled to breathe, and the breaths became further apart. With his last breath, God sent a bolt of lightening and a booming clap of thunder above the nursing home, His promise fulfilled!

Even though we had doubt, God let us know that Dad was received in heaven. It was the most beautiful gift I have ever gotten. Dad is dancing with the angels, feasting on steak, and enjoying the company of the Greatest Man to ever walk Earth, Jesus Christ!



--Barb Rosten