Testimony Tuesday - Relationships

This is a beautiful testimony from a woman who was willing to just allow the Holy Spirit minister to her in her relationship with her husband.  I'm so grateful that she was willing to share this with us all, as I believe each of us struggle very similarly, if not with our husband, then with many other different relationships.  Grace is a beautiful thing! 

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My journal entry on Monday, April 7
"Lord, I feel better about my husband today.  I still would like to see him put positive, healthy effort into our current situation.  Speak to me now Lord and tell me what You want me to do."

His response:
"My assignment for you hasn't changed.  I continue to ask you to treat your husband with love, respect & kindness in spite of how he treats you or speaks to you.  Forgive him continually!  Every tone, word, expression, disrespectful behavior & interaction.  Overlook his flaws/faults in forgiveness, don't ignore them in frustration.  By overlooking them, you are extending grace to him and I want you to do that more and more.

Jill's talk on Saturday was for you.  Grace is a wonderful, powerful thing and I want you to walk in grace, live in grace, be present in grace more and more.  My assignments to you can be summed up in one word - GRACE!  I know every detail of your marriage and every desire of your heart for your husband and marriage.  I know all of it!  I am working overtime in all of it.

I want you to practice grace.  I want it to become part of your daily life.  I want you to learn to walk in grace in every area of your life.  I know your struggles & I know that walking in grace is a big thing.  Remember that I am always with you to help you.  Look to My Holy Spirit for daily, hourly help, strength, courage.  We are all for you and We will never let you down.

Now is the time for you to live and walk in grace.  I know you've been struggling for years with relationships and inner struggles.  Walking in grace will help with all those lifelong struggles.  Trust Me.  Remember often Dt. 31:8 'The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you.  He will never leave you or forsake you.  Do not be discouraged.  Do not be afraid.'  Remind yourself of this as often as you need to.

I love you more than you can comprehend.  I have so many wonderful plans for you.  But first you must deal with this issue of grace.  Trust Me in all of this.  I will not disappoint you.  I will lift you up and encourage you.  I will bring about your desire to be transformed.  I love that you are seeking Me in 2014.  Keep drawing near to Me and I will bless you in ways you never imagined.  I love you - you are My precious daughter!"

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After receiving this from the Lord, I was crying and confessed/repented to the Lord for some of my recent behavior and attitudes.  I then felt that God was leading me to ask for my husband's forgiveness, which I did.  And, needless to say, after seeking his forgiveness, I was filled with peace.

Testimony Tuesday

I received this the day after I sent out an email to the women in our church.  The topic was joy.  I asked if I could share this great testimony! 

Hi Jill,

Your message yesterday was just for me!  What's funny was that I had the experience of deciding to choose joy over negativity just before I received your email!  Here's what happened:

The majority of my income comes from the monthly payments I receive acting as the bank for a commercial building I sold.  Unfortunately, the man who bought the building is not the most faithful payer.  Once again, the man didn't pay this month.  He was, in fact, over three weeks late with his payment.  I was starting to fret, worry, even wonder if it was time for me to get a lawyer.  I left the man a rather impassioned phone message.  But as he had never ever bothered to call me in the four years I've been dealing with him, I expected nothing from him.

To help me work out my aggressiveness, I went outside to pull dandelions.  As I worked, I realized that my "salvation" did not come from this man.  I re-ran some verses in my mind about how God would never leave or forsake me, about how He knows everything and has a plan for me.  Then I started praying for the situation; I even prayed for the man and his own personal situation.  I decided that I could confidently leave the whole thing in God's hands and I was covered with His peace.

After an hour I went back inside.  A few minutes later, the phone rang.  It was the man!  Though he still gave me a big run-around concerning why he hadn't paid, etc. etc, he said that the payment had just been sent to the title company to be forwarded to me!

God came through for me and I can only praise The Lord for His intervention!  I chose His joy by committing my situation to Him and in His mercy, he chose to act immediately on my behalf!

Thank You, Lord!

Testimony Tuesday -- Casting Down Idols

From Esther Belin:

 

I have lived in the Durango community for 17 years and it is now my home. However calling this area my home has taken about 8 years.  I moved to this area from Santa Fe with my husband and two young children.  It wasn’t until a couple of weeks that I realized that I moved here with many selfish desires and expectations.  I came with my own agenda, my own plan to true fulfillment. Part of that plan included living the Durango dream – owning a half-million dollar home, being the perfect public school volunteer, securing a leisure, well-paying job.  I know now that I started building this high place of pride/expectation/comfort/covetousness ever since I was a little girl.  Durango just happened to be the place that everything came together – I was married with children – so the next step (in my mind) was to cash in the idol I had been so faithfully building and worshiping.  

Needless to say, I carried this high place to each home we lived in – placing it in a prominent area – careful not to damage it with each move.  We are now in our 5^th location.  With God’s grace, we were able to buy a home 3 years ago.  When we bought this home and land, I dedicated it to the Lord – continually asking Him to use it for His glory.  Since then, I have been tested.  We’ve had problems with our well the first two years, then last spring I lost my job.  The enemy was feeding me lies that God gave us the wrong house, the wrong location, wrong everything.  I realize now that I have been prolonging God’s blessing by my disobedience.  About 2 weeks ago while baking, I ended up shattering a baking dish that symbolically represented my high places.  That baking dish was quality glass and ornately crafted – representing all the luxury and comfort I believed I deserved, and when it shattered, there was such an amazing grief that overcame me.  Such an immediate emotional drain hovered over me that I verbally told God to tell me what this shattering meant.  

At the time, I had been studying about the Israelites and their 40 years in the wilderness.  And I knew instantly that God allowed that treasured dish (my high places) to shatter so completely that there was no way I could rebuild – and there was no way that I would longingly gaze at my Promised Land for 38 years!  God was telling me loud and clear that He is waiting for me to live the abundant life HE has planned for me. God was telling me that this journey through the wilderness is to test my faith, that He will provide, that He will protect (defend), that HE wants me to follow him, that He is waiting for me to live in belief of HIS promises.  

That day I grieved.  I grieved that I wasted so much time/energy on building my high places.  I grieved that I displeased God, that so much of my life here in Durango was built around this idol.  That day I committed to grieve in God’s presence – to be near His holy mountain – to rest in His salvation – to finally be in the comfort of HIS refuge.

Deuteronomy 12:2

You shall utterly destroy all the places where the nations whom you shall dispossess serve their gods, on the high mountains and on the hills and under every green tree.

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Throwback Thursday - Disciplined Life

God is challenging Mark and I to lead a more disciplined life. A structured life in order to accomplish more, stay focused on His Kingdom assignments and not feel stressed. Last year we just existed. We did what we could when we could. Life happened to us-we did not happen to life. It was very frustrating.

So this year The Lord has led us to 4 areas each, to focus on. To schedule times to focus on them, to be disciplined in following the schedule and to then be successful in accomplishing our Kingdom assignments. 

It's not easy though to be disciplined. Our natural, depraved nature would like to sit back and let things just happen. What I have realized though, is that whatever we decide to not be intentional about, the enemy would gladly be in charge of. Whether its our relationship with God (church/quiet times/prayer), our marriages, our children, our jobs, our homes, our finances, food (weight issues), our friendships, our ministries, rest...it can be exhausting trying to be intentional about all those things. But that is where God wants us. Not exhausted but dependent on Him! 

We are in a battle. A battle to stay on the narrow road of Christ. There is an enemy that is working hard to distract us. I picture driving down a highway going pretty fast (the speed limit of course!) on a trip and its windy. Very windy. It's difficult to keep the car in the road where there are gusts of wind blowing strongly from left to right across the car. It's actually happened to me many times on trips to Denver. I have to grip the wheel, focus on what's ahead (my goal), not be distracted by the shaking car. It can be tiring!

Making sure that the house is kept up, homeschool gets accomplished, dinner gets made, laundry gets done, the husband gets my attention (good and positive, not grumbling or complaining), women's ministry gets planned (bible studies, retreats, breakfasts), exercise is accomplished, eating well happens that day, quiet times are enjoyed, and fun happens is tiring! Especially if the wind (my laziness, tiredness or ability to get distracted with blogging or Facebook or Pinterest...) is howling that day. Staying on the road is hard. But it's worth it. I will arrive at my goal and see all that has been accomplished! And accomplished well! 

If we just drove and drove and drove without rest we're likely to give up out of sheer exhaustion. That's why God wants us to be intentional about rest. So we will push through the challenges knowing that rest is coming soon. We need a day of rest every week. We need periodic vacations that are about spending time as a family away from normal responsibilities. Times to quiet our minds and bodies. To prepare for the next part of the drive. 

Stay on the path set before us. Be disciplined and self-controlled. 

Proverbs 1:2-3

  For attaining wisdom and discipline; for understanding words of insight; for acquiring a disciplined and prudent life, doing what is right, just and fair. 

Proverbs 1:7

   The fear of The Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline. (This discipline refers to punishment but I think it's appropriate for self-control discipline as well.)

Proverbs 5:23

   He will does for lack of discipline led astray by his own folly.

Testimony Tuesday - He's in the Adventure!

From Susan Williams:
 
About 6 months ago I started a crazy journey, one that has been somewhat uncomfortable, unconventional, and really fun.  This journey has brought me new friends, new perspectives,  and caused me to  develop a greater identity of myself and a stronger relationship with Christ.  Let me tell you about it.  

Within a two week span last August, my job changed dramatically, my apartment sold, and a relationship that I had been a part of for three years ended.  It was overwhelming to say the least.  In those weeks I was faced with several big decisions.  I didn't feel ready to make a commitment in a lease, and although I loved my job it had become so consuming that I didn't feel that it was best for me to continue.  I took a few days to let all the changes sink in, and came up with what I called the "45 day plan."  I would resign from my position, I would move my things into storage, and I would spend the next few months visiting family and friends around the country in a pursuit to visit all 50 states.  It was one of the biggest leaps of faith that I think I have ever taken.  

October 1st came too fast, and reluctantly I said goodbye to a place that I loved.  I drove home with my parents and spent a few weeks in a beautiful new room that they had created for me.  It meant so much for me to have a place to land.  In the 6 months that stood between then and now,  I have visited 42 states, driven over 15,000 miles, met an incredible amount of new friends, and learned more lessons that I could possibly count.  

After departing Durango, I quickly came to realize that the three things that I had left were the three things that I found my comfort in.  Without a relationship, an income, my belongs, or my beautiful home, I first felt very lost.  In most conversations, people would question where I was living, where I was working, and if I had a significant other.  After I would answer that I was roaming, unemployed, and single, most individuals  ran out of things to talk about and thankfully the awkward  conversations would be over.  It was really humbling to say that I didn't have a concrete plan, but instead could only offer a crazy idea.  Through having countless "conversations" that all asked the same questions and ended the same way, I was reminded of how so many of us find our identity in where we live, what we do, and who we are with.  Makes sense, right?  But what happens when you none of that?

I was challenged to reevaluate where I found my comfort, my identity, and my purpose.  It seemed that because I didn't fit in any box, and that I had allowed the opinions of others  (or my perceived opinions that others had) determine how I viewed myself... something that is completely normal, and often unquestioned.   In fact, Sociologist, Charles Hortley, calls this idea the "Looking Glass Self" and explains that "the degree of personal insecurity you display in social situations is determined by what you believe other people think of you."  I could no longer tell people that I was a fundraiser, a professional, a girlfriend, or even a resident of a particular area.  And to people who didn't understand, it felt as if they viewed my circumstances as failure.  It felt easier to visit places where no one knew me, or asked all the questions that I didn't have good answers for.  I had allowed others to tell me who they thought I was, instead of hearing from the one who knew what He created me to be.  

Reading in Mark one day, I came across the passage where Jesus asks Peter, "who do you say that I am?" As I read that verse, I was challenged to think who I would say that Jesus was in my life.  Who had I let him become, and what had I not let Him become to me?  What Truths were I believing about Him, and what Truths had I not accepted?   I knew that he should be my strength, my hope... and my everything.  There was a huge part of me that wanted to believe this and find rest in it, but to be completely honest there was a part of me who struggled to trust Him.  What if he didn't have my best interest at heart?  What if He asked something that was scary?  As I began to seek what Scripture said about who He was, I began to ask Him the same question in return, "Who did He say I was?"

I started two lists in my journal several weeks ago now, and I love looking over each of them.  The first list uses Jesus' question, "Who Do You Say That I Am?"  Below are filled with Truth of who my Savior is.  He is  "Healer, Restorer, Redeemer" (Isaiah 61:1-4).  He is Trustworthy (Psalms 37:5).  He is "The Light that overcomes darkness" (John 1:5).  He is the giver of joy, peace, and hope (Romans 15:13).  He is my helper and is security from fear (Hebrews 13:6).  He will never leave or forsake me (Hebrews 13:5).  He is enough (Psalms 90:14).  He is our strength, and is able to do more than we might ask or think (Ephesians 3:16-20).  He  is our deliverer and helper.  He is merciful and faithful (Hebrews 2:14-18).  The list goes on, and daily I learning more about His unchanging character.

At the top of the second page, I have written "My name is Susan, I am."  I have filled this page with the Truth of my identity in Christ.  I am a "friend of God, and invited to share His work" (John 15:15).  I am "holy, chosen, and dearly loved" (Colossians 3:12).  I am anointed to proclaim the Lord's promises (Luke 4:18-19).  I am made new (1 Corinthians 5:17).  I am free (Romans 6:7).  I am "never out of reach or separated from the love of Christ" (Romans 8:38).  I am made in his image (Genesis 1:27).   I am "Christ's workmanship, created to do good works" (Ephesians 2:13).  I am "fearfully and wonderfully made" (Psalms 139:14).  I am a child and heir of God (Romans 8:12-17).

Each time I open The Word, I have something to add to my list as I am constantly learning more about an identity and a relationship that will never change.  I long for an identity that is solid and unchanging, Joy that extends far beyond negative circumstances.  Peace that cannot be shaken, Faith that doesn't make sense, and Praise that doesn't end.  My journey is far from over, but I am confident that as I seek God, He will continue to transform my life as I become a greater reflection of Him and who he has created me to be.  

Throwback Thursday - The Cost

Have you ever heard 'you get what you pay for?' It's very true often times. I'm a bit of a bargain shopper and when I buy cheap shirts they always seem to get tiny holes in them or when I buy cheap shoes they tend to be uncomfortable or wear out quickly. It frustrates me really. I want to be able to have good quality stuff for cheap. Not really a reality though.

Mark on the other hand doesn't mind spending money. He has had no problem dropping $100 on a pair of shoes. Or more! I remember when he bought me a pair of Dansko's for my birthday several years ago. I thought I would throw up when I found out how much they were. But I will tell you that I still have those shoes, they are still quite comfy and I still wear them. 3 summers ago I bought a pair of Choco's (nice sandals) for $100. I wear them all summer long. Everyday. Absolutely my favorite pair of sandals. And I will have them forever. Mark is totally changing my perspective on spending more for something that will last. 

You may wonder why I decided to blog about expensive shoes. I really do have a point. This weekend God challenged me with the cost of knowing Him. I have heard plenty of sermons on the cost of discipleship. But I think on Sunday God spoke to me very clearly about the cost. 

I had been praying for more of Him. What does that mean? Well I prayed that our church (and myself) would love Him more, would desire to know Him more, would be willing to serve Him more. This past weekend I experienced God in a deeper way. He spoke powerfully to me. I desire that that continues. 

And He said, do you know what that will cost? Sure I thought. Time.  Perhaps money. And He said yes...and also possibly relationships. There may be people who don't want to follow where you lead. Are you willing to still go? There are people who may not like what you're doing. Will you still do it? There may be folks who resist your teaching. Will you still teach? 

Whoa. It completely stopped me in my tracks as faces of people I love dearly flashed before my minds eye. Am I willing? Am I willing to do, go and teach what God says even if it costs me? 

Abraham was. Noah was. Moses was. David was. Esther was. Elijah was. Isaiah was. Daniel was. Jesus was. Paul was. Peter was. James and John were. 

God is certainly worth it. He is worth my all. I prayed against fear of man and fear of failure. I prayed that he would make me bold and obedient and courageous. 

I will get what I pay for with my relationship with God. I can have a little or I can have it all. I can pay a little or I can pay it all. 

He paid it all for me. He must think I am worth it. 

Testimony Tuesday -- Praying Parent!

From Sarah Dombrowski:
 
One of the gifts that God has given me (but I haven't utilized and explored nearly enough) is prayer.  While I was pregnant with my almost two year old, Joshua, I read "Praying Through Your Pregnancy", which uses a lot of scripture in it's prayers.  I have seen every prayer I prayed over him during that time come to fruition.  

One of those prayers was that he would have a hunger for scripture.  When Joshua was born, I asked God for a scripture to pray over his life. He gave me 1 Samuel 16:18.  It lists six attributes of David that I wanted Josh to have.  I prayed that for the first year of his life, keeping it on our bathroom mirror as a reminder.  

Around his first birthday, I asked God what the next step was.  He told me to pull the scripture apart, and define those attributes by other scriptures.  I took those twelve scriptures and wrote them on post it notes, and placed them on the wall above Josh's changing table.  Every time I changed him, I would read a few to him. 

A few months into reading them, he would point to himself as I read; "mighty man of valor", "skillful in playing", "the Lord is with him".  What a cool thing to see Josh do, already claiming those words over his life!  I wish I did that so easily!  Now he is INSISTENT that the scriptures must be read every time he is changed.  He points at the wall and babbles forcefully, urging us to read them to him.  His hunger for scripture is already there!  

I share this, not as a pat on my back, but to say that prayer, especially praying the scriptures, will work in your life too!  Ask God to reveal a verse, or maybe a chapter to you, something special He wants to share with you for this time in your life.  Ask for one for your kids, your husband, your parents, your friends, your coworkers.  I guarantee that as you pray over them, change will come, you will see breakthrough in their lives, and you are memorizing scripture without even trying.  I know God has something neat He wants to give each one of us, if we take the time to dig into His word!