Testimony Tuesday - He's in the Adventure!

From Susan Williams:
 
About 6 months ago I started a crazy journey, one that has been somewhat uncomfortable, unconventional, and really fun.  This journey has brought me new friends, new perspectives,  and caused me to  develop a greater identity of myself and a stronger relationship with Christ.  Let me tell you about it.  

Within a two week span last August, my job changed dramatically, my apartment sold, and a relationship that I had been a part of for three years ended.  It was overwhelming to say the least.  In those weeks I was faced with several big decisions.  I didn't feel ready to make a commitment in a lease, and although I loved my job it had become so consuming that I didn't feel that it was best for me to continue.  I took a few days to let all the changes sink in, and came up with what I called the "45 day plan."  I would resign from my position, I would move my things into storage, and I would spend the next few months visiting family and friends around the country in a pursuit to visit all 50 states.  It was one of the biggest leaps of faith that I think I have ever taken.  

October 1st came too fast, and reluctantly I said goodbye to a place that I loved.  I drove home with my parents and spent a few weeks in a beautiful new room that they had created for me.  It meant so much for me to have a place to land.  In the 6 months that stood between then and now,  I have visited 42 states, driven over 15,000 miles, met an incredible amount of new friends, and learned more lessons that I could possibly count.  

After departing Durango, I quickly came to realize that the three things that I had left were the three things that I found my comfort in.  Without a relationship, an income, my belongs, or my beautiful home, I first felt very lost.  In most conversations, people would question where I was living, where I was working, and if I had a significant other.  After I would answer that I was roaming, unemployed, and single, most individuals  ran out of things to talk about and thankfully the awkward  conversations would be over.  It was really humbling to say that I didn't have a concrete plan, but instead could only offer a crazy idea.  Through having countless "conversations" that all asked the same questions and ended the same way, I was reminded of how so many of us find our identity in where we live, what we do, and who we are with.  Makes sense, right?  But what happens when you none of that?

I was challenged to reevaluate where I found my comfort, my identity, and my purpose.  It seemed that because I didn't fit in any box, and that I had allowed the opinions of others  (or my perceived opinions that others had) determine how I viewed myself... something that is completely normal, and often unquestioned.   In fact, Sociologist, Charles Hortley, calls this idea the "Looking Glass Self" and explains that "the degree of personal insecurity you display in social situations is determined by what you believe other people think of you."  I could no longer tell people that I was a fundraiser, a professional, a girlfriend, or even a resident of a particular area.  And to people who didn't understand, it felt as if they viewed my circumstances as failure.  It felt easier to visit places where no one knew me, or asked all the questions that I didn't have good answers for.  I had allowed others to tell me who they thought I was, instead of hearing from the one who knew what He created me to be.  

Reading in Mark one day, I came across the passage where Jesus asks Peter, "who do you say that I am?" As I read that verse, I was challenged to think who I would say that Jesus was in my life.  Who had I let him become, and what had I not let Him become to me?  What Truths were I believing about Him, and what Truths had I not accepted?   I knew that he should be my strength, my hope... and my everything.  There was a huge part of me that wanted to believe this and find rest in it, but to be completely honest there was a part of me who struggled to trust Him.  What if he didn't have my best interest at heart?  What if He asked something that was scary?  As I began to seek what Scripture said about who He was, I began to ask Him the same question in return, "Who did He say I was?"

I started two lists in my journal several weeks ago now, and I love looking over each of them.  The first list uses Jesus' question, "Who Do You Say That I Am?"  Below are filled with Truth of who my Savior is.  He is  "Healer, Restorer, Redeemer" (Isaiah 61:1-4).  He is Trustworthy (Psalms 37:5).  He is "The Light that overcomes darkness" (John 1:5).  He is the giver of joy, peace, and hope (Romans 15:13).  He is my helper and is security from fear (Hebrews 13:6).  He will never leave or forsake me (Hebrews 13:5).  He is enough (Psalms 90:14).  He is our strength, and is able to do more than we might ask or think (Ephesians 3:16-20).  He  is our deliverer and helper.  He is merciful and faithful (Hebrews 2:14-18).  The list goes on, and daily I learning more about His unchanging character.

At the top of the second page, I have written "My name is Susan, I am."  I have filled this page with the Truth of my identity in Christ.  I am a "friend of God, and invited to share His work" (John 15:15).  I am "holy, chosen, and dearly loved" (Colossians 3:12).  I am anointed to proclaim the Lord's promises (Luke 4:18-19).  I am made new (1 Corinthians 5:17).  I am free (Romans 6:7).  I am "never out of reach or separated from the love of Christ" (Romans 8:38).  I am made in his image (Genesis 1:27).   I am "Christ's workmanship, created to do good works" (Ephesians 2:13).  I am "fearfully and wonderfully made" (Psalms 139:14).  I am a child and heir of God (Romans 8:12-17).

Each time I open The Word, I have something to add to my list as I am constantly learning more about an identity and a relationship that will never change.  I long for an identity that is solid and unchanging, Joy that extends far beyond negative circumstances.  Peace that cannot be shaken, Faith that doesn't make sense, and Praise that doesn't end.  My journey is far from over, but I am confident that as I seek God, He will continue to transform my life as I become a greater reflection of Him and who he has created me to be.