Testimony Tuesday - Freedom!

I was reading a blog I used to write a couple days ago.  I stopped blogging in 2011 and I went back to read some of my old posts.  Three years ago I was a different person.  Three years ago I wrote in my blog I desired peace and freedom I was desperate for a move of the Holy Spirit in my heart and life and now in 2014… I am free. Free from lies, free from condemnation, free from shame, sin and guilt.  I am free because HE has cleansed me of everything that bound me in a place of hurt and pain.  I am a work in progress and I know my God is faithful so I believe he will continue to reveal things to me that I need to take to him and receive prayer to be healed from.  But I wanted to send you this testimony of God's faithfulness and the gift he gives us that is freedom in Christ Jesus. 

Recently my Dad, whom I've been estranged from for about 4 years was airlifted to Colorado Springs for an open heart surgery.  My Dad and I do not have a close relationship.  We are both wounded… and it became a very messy relationship.  I've taken time to heal my wounds and needed time away from him to do that.   I wanted my response to my Dad's wounds to be from a loving healed place.  Not a hurt and angry place.  So I created some space and pursued Jesus with a passion and fury like never before.  I've struggled with boundaries and relationships my whole life.  How much is too much, what is my responsibility, what's best for me and my heart. As a Mom and wife I have had to establish new boundaries for my life because as I pursued God and a deeper relationship with him, he revealed to me that my husband and kids are my first priority.  

Flash back to this fall I went on an amazing retreat and spent 5 days one on one with Jesus.  The only way I can describe my time away is that it was rehabilitation for my heart.  I spent my days in close relationship with my Lord and Savior, hearing his whispers of truth, his love and adoration and his encouragement and kindness.  He brought me to places where I woke up needing to talk to him and pray with someone about certain things he had wanted to talk to me about for a very long time.  I had a DEEP passion to pray and journal and read his word.  It was a beautiful time away.  During my time away and in the subsequent weeks leading up to my father's critical procedure the Lord had prepared me for the circumstance of my father's surgery.  And now as I look back on it, I realize that as I desire transformational relationship with him to freedom each "unexpected" or "disappointing" circumstance in my life he has and always will prepare me.  I don't need to live in fear or in chaos or in anxiousness.  I can receive news like this and still have peace.  A peace that surpasses all understanding.  He loves me that much. 

He is a jealous God because He loves us, not because he's a control freak.  He is the creator of the universe, but he cares about my heart.  It is with this perspective that I walk through each day in communion with him.  

So when I received the news of my Dad's operation and critical health circumstances, my first reaction was not that of panic, it was of compassion and care.  I immediately began thinking about the good memories I have of my Dad and all the ways he blessed my life. I didn't focus on the hurt he has caused me.  The Lord showed me how he had been so faithful to me providing me this person who raised me the best he could.   As I began conversations with my brother as to how to respond I was not "freaking out" at the details he provided in terms of the seriousness of my Dad's blockage in his main artery.  I was thankful that my mother in law was a cardiac nurse who had answers to lots of questions I had regarding what this looks like for him medically.  With each moment and day after I was given this difficult news I could rely on my heavenly father to provide me with his peace and his wisdom regarding decisions that needed to be made, my responsibility as it related to my Dad and boundaries for things that were mine to take care of or not mine at all… He showed me that he was in control and it was more about relying on Him than relying on my "best laid plans."  God has revealed to me that my responsibility for a lot of things in my life is rather small compared to what I think it is.  He really in a lot of areas only requires me to be communing with him for answers.  He's SO kind to me in that I can trust him with so much of my life.  My kids, my husband, my Dad, my relationships are all in his hands.  Regardless of the worst possible outcome, he is faithful to me.  

I only found this new place because of my deep desire for freedom from where I was living.  Anxiety, fear, frustration are not my friends.  Jesus is.  I'd like to add a disclaimer to my testimony.  Please know that this new freedom is awesome and as each day passes and I am compelled to draw closer to him and he reveals new things to my spirit I am not ever perfected.  But the progress we have made together has been a beautiful and wonderful journey.  The best adventure yet with my heavenly everlasting father has brought me to a place of peace in the midst of the chaos of life.   I am excited for the days to come because I know there is more freedom available to me.  I look forward to the "more" he wants to show me and the additional "love" I will receive from him.  I am thankful that this The River Church is a place where I can pursue that freedom and that I have a group of women in our women's ministry who are vulnerable enough to help me be refined with grace and love.  

I pray this testimony blesses people.  As a leader in this church it is imperative that I am obedient and submitted to the will of God in my life.  I have found great joy in it and I am honored and privileged to lead others as they pursue more of Jesus. He's so awesome. :) 

Serving Him with Joy, 

Jen Kline

Children's Pastor