Testimony Tuesday - Women's Retreat Part 3

More testimonies from our women's retreat!
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This weekend I started out picturing my "house".  It was a solid foundation but bare.  I stood in the middle of it with a hammer in one hand and a nail in the other, not sure what to do next.  This weekend was a confirmation of the work that He is already doing in my life.  I am not finished yet, but I feel like I can honestly say that I am finishing out the weekend, side-by-side with the Master Carpenter, nailing the first board into place.
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I am not just a face in the crowd to Jesus!  He sees me specifically!
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This weekend Father took me into the deep water, as the Oceans song speaks.  He led me where my feet failed so that I could experience His power through me!
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He is proud of us, His creations!
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We don't have to understand God completely in order to follow immediately.  For years God has been telling me to invest my time and talents to be part of a church family. As I was walking along the river trail, God's creation opened up to me and this is what He showed me about my fear of investing in people.

I was blessed to see with fresh eyes the oak brush leaves.  There were many leaves all connected to a branch.  Although they were changing colors-in a transformation- they were pliable and supple and fastened to the main source of life, the branch.  The leaves were so diverse in color and they were all similar shape - oak leaves - by they were in such diverse progression of change.  The color patterns were beautiful - individually and collectively the display was overwhelming.  I experienced God's mystery.  We all develop at different rates and we all have different talents and levels of time - yet we each are so vital to display God's beauty, His purpose and pleasure.

This is my beginning to risk sharing my talents and time for God's glory.
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God solidified my position in Him and His in me.

Testimony Tuesday - Women's Retreat part 2

For the next several weeks I'll be sharing testimonies from women who attended our women's retreat.  It's so good to see all that God did while ladies were away with Him for the weekend.  Let's celebrate His goodness!
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Bridge - 
Hey Bridge! Hi bridge! My friend.  I say here last year, so much pain, wanting to belong, to fit in.  I say on you, bridge, and watched the water rush away from me, hoping my pain would be carried away by the waters.  Hello bridge. I am back.  And you know what God is saying to me now? 
"STRENGTH! Do you feel it? Strength! No, your life is not perfect but your love, your security, in ME is so much stronger than it was last year." 
What do we work on this time God? 
"Let my love define you." 
Bye bridge - see you next year.  God willing.
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I am unique...I am not anyone else...I don't have to be anyone else...because He loves me.
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I have always had a problem with my body image.  The world looks at women's bodies like they need to be tiny.  I realized this weekend that this body has been a vessel for three beautiful children and that is the reason why my body is not perfect.  I, of course, knew that but I guess have never thought that was a good enough reason to not have a better looking body.  Now I feel this body is what has allowed three children to have life and THAT is a beautiful thing.  My body is NOT perfect and that's ok.
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God got rid of a root of bitterness I had against Him because I felt like I wasn't created to be enough - not influential enough, not beautiful enough, not talented enough.  Such lies!  No more bitterness and now I'm free to live in the truth of who He has made me! Yay Jesus!
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Do not cover our shame and sin up - go "naked" before the Lord.  We must also be understanding and pray and forgive those that also cover up their sin and shame with lies, anger, control, etc.  And pray; pray hard - believing that God can and will break through all the learned family bondage.  Give grace, love and a quiet spirit so that God can move in them.  Do not give up on them or yourself.
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This weekend has spoken to me in regards to being a woman in so many ways and has caused me to see myself and my struggles differently. One way specifically is coming before my Savior naked in my hurts and actions and emotions.  Trusting that He truly is ok with me and His love is great than all that yuck.  My plan now is to continue to put this "nakedness" before Him into action.
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Thank you for taking me "back to the beginning"  I praise Jesus for giving my heart a home, for giving me value and self worth and comfort.

Testimony Tuesday -- Women's Retreat

For the next several weeks I'll be sharing testimonies from women who attended our women's retreat.  It's so good to see all that God did while ladies were away with Him for the weekend.  Let's celebrate His goodness!
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I am enough for Him.
We are enough for Him.
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I am life-giving.  Even if I have believed the voices of the world telling me that because I've never had a child I'm not.  I choose to hear and believe the voice of the Lord who tells me that I am.
I am life-giving even though my womb is empty.
I will trust in the Lord.
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God FASHIONED us!!!!
Eeeeeeeeeeeee!!!
He gave me a picture of an artist/potter creating a masterpiece...and the time that it takes to create such a piece with such immeasurable value.  The eye for detail, the subtle intricate elements, endless hours spent "bedazzling" such a work of art.  Perfection as seen by The Creator takes time...it is not finished.  Just as our "becoming" what HE has in mind...our "divine design" takes time.  We are to ENJOY the time that He creates into His masterpiece...we won't be disappointed.
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God challenged me to be Mary, to be an example of Mary to my children.
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God's been calling me and showing me how to come to Him raw and unfiltered.  So often I try to "pull myself together" before going to God.  He wants me to bring everything to Him RAW, pour out my heart to Him, rest in Him.  HE wants me to trust that He is who He says He is and that He is transforming me and doing a new thing.  He's calling me into His reality---calling me to be real.  He's revealing to me His redemption and restoration.
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I have never doubted that God loves me, cherishes me, values me, desires relationship with me, that God would never bring me to anything that He would not bring me through, that He would lead me, or carry me to where He needed me to be, but this weekend God showed me: I AM WORTHY of being loved by Him unconditionally!

Testimony Tuesday - God's Comfort

My father contracted West Nile virus eight years ago. Dad was left with paralysis below the neck, meningitis, encephalitis, a feeding tube, and on a respirator. He couldn't talk and was only able to move his eyes and shrug his shoulders for yes and no. During this time we all prayed for God's will. We didn't want him to live like this, and knew that he didn't either, But there was nothing we could do but rely on God.

So many times we wondered where God was. To us, Dad was suffering. Day after day, he laid in that bed, listening to the radio or the TV. His only visitors were my mom, and the staff. We we able to visit occasionally, but, unfortunately not often. Even through these times Dad never looked sad, always smiled and the twinkle in his eye was never dim. I promised him that if he wanted to go, I would take care of Mom. That was the one thing in his life that was most important to him. He always shook his head no.

Many people cared for him, and so many commented on what a wonderful man he was. How could they know that? They didn't know him before the bite, and he couldn't talk! Mom said that this was what God wanted from him and was still using him. Nurses, RT's and CNA's all loved him; I mean really loved him! They sang to him, danced for him, told him jokes, and interacted with him like I have never seen before. Once, we even saw one of them laying with him, so that he had human contact. I believe that he helped them to learn patience, compassion, and tolerance.

Mom called a few weeks ago and said that Dad was failing. It could be days, weeks, or even a month or two, but he was not the same. I decided to go to Pueblo on Friday, August 15, before my Fall got busy with work. Saturday, Mom and I went to the nursing home and saw Dad. He wasn't very active, and wouldn't or couldn't, open his eyes. He couldn't move his shoulders and really didn't want to acknowledge that I was there. I talked to him, about the family and such, but when I mentioned the promise that I had made to him earlier he opened his eyes wide, and shook his head yes.

Early Sunday morning, the nursing home called and said that they were afraid that if they removed the ventilator, like they did every morning, that he would not be able to breath on his own.  We headed to the home, calling the family so that they could come.

We loved on him, and disconnected the vent about 11am. He struggled to breath but continued on. We waited and watched. Staff came in, and you could tell they were sad, they had tears for him.

Soon it was time; he struggled to breathe, and the breaths became further apart. With his last breath, God sent a bolt of lightening and a booming clap of thunder above the nursing home, His promise fulfilled!

Even though we had doubt, God let us know that Dad was received in heaven. It was the most beautiful gift I have ever gotten. Dad is dancing with the angels, feasting on steak, and enjoying the company of the Greatest Man to ever walk Earth, Jesus Christ!



--Barb Rosten

Testimony Tuesday - As God Sees Me

I have battled depression and perfectionism since childhood.  In high school, overwhelmed with the fact that I was no longer at the top academically and seeing no end to the pain that was my home life, I began a cycle of starving myself and binge eating.  Food was something I could control.  If I couldn't have perfect grades, if my family was broken, at least I could make my body do what I wanted it to do.  I had always seen myself as too ugly, too fat and too masculine.  I didn't want my curvy hips and powerful thighs.  I wanted the skinny, model body I saw in all the popular girls. 

So I began starving myself, always careful to eat normally around my parents lest they discover my secret.  But when the pounds wouldn't come off as fast as I though they should, I would feed my depression at yet another failure and binge.  No one noticed what I was doing - or if they did they never said anything to me.  And, honestly, this is the first time I've spoken publicly about this part of my past.  This cycle lasted a year, until I began to turn to self-harm as a way to ease my pain and end my failed life. 

Fast forward to this month.  Father had been nudging me to fast for some time, but, like a child, I stuck my fingers in my ears and ignored Him.  The truth was, I was scared. This was a part of my past I wanted to leave in the past, to ignore and hope it would go away.  I was scared of the emotions and memories that would come up if I chose to give up food.  I could come up with a million and one excuses why I shouldn't fast for a week.  And, in my head, they all seemed perfectly logical and reasonable.  But don't we all know that our gentle Father is not about doing things in a way that seems logical or reasonable to us?

Finally I found myself staring at a juicer in Target and hearing Father's voice saying, "What excuse are you going to come up with this time?" And I realized that hearing His voice was so much more important than my fears.  And there were some serious situations in my life that I needed to hear from Him on.  So I chose obedience, hoping that we could deal with these current situations and leave the past in the past. 

Yeah.  Not so much.  God had other intentions. 

I found myself at Zumba class on Tuesday, working out with almost as much energy as I usually have.  I marveled at the way my body had adjusted, having no food for days.  And instantly my mind was transported back to those days in high school, the fear, the pain, the rejection.  I not only had the memories, I felt the memories. I felt every ounce of self-hatred I had for myself, every ounce of depression over my failures, every sickening ounce of belief that there was no way I would ever be beautiful or lovely.  I saw myself once again counting saltine crackers so I could feel full without lots of calories. I saw myself eating an entire package of Oreos in one sitting because I hadn't lost enough weight.  And it broke me. 

I sat with Father later that day and sobbed.  I begged Him to take those memories away, to help me forget.  Instead,  He took me to His word:

Ecclesiastes 3:11
Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own times. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God's work from beginning to end.

And then He began to tell me all the things about myself that He found beautiful.  He spoke truth to my heart, to my soul.  And He held me while I mourned the pain and the hurt those lies that I believed have caused me all these years. 

Now, I cannot tell you honestly that I looked in the mirror today and was completely satisfied.  But it was better.  It was better because I chose to believe the truth from His Word, that He gave me my own beauty for His own purpose.  And I know that every day I choose to trust Him at His word, I will begin to see myself like He sees me. 

Tiffany Bleger

Testimony Tuesday - Breaking Strongholds

In mid-February, we went to visit my uncle in Window Rock, AZ and we can home with 2 puppies.  They were lying on the side of the road and we noticed them when we first pulled up to my uncle’s house.  A couple days later, they were still there.  We had seen puppies like these numerous times before when we visit him, and we knew there was a likely chance these pups would join a dog pack or be hit by a car.  When we stopped to get a better view of them, one of them immediately ran up to us.  The other one soon followed.  They were dirty, skinny, and very sweet.  They slept most of the way to their new home.
 

We named them Mae and Dusty, and they were home for only 3 days before Dusty got sick.  We quickly figured out, she had parvo.  Every vet we talked with made note that parvo can be fatal and the pup would need intensive care for at least 48 hours. The cost would be high and the outcome uncertain. I was so conflicted.  I thought we were doing the right thing rescuing these puppies.  I thought they were a blessing from God.  And now I was being faced with a tough decision.  My impulse was to euthanize them – that while we tried to do a good thing, it was no big deal to put them down since we could easily find more pups on our next trip to the rez.  

On that day in late February, our loving Father God was speaking to me to release the stronghold of detachment, something that has been my philosophy from childhood.  He brought to mind how much he loves me and how much he wants me to care about these rescued puppies because He still recuses and He still heals.  By God’s strength, I reached out and asked for help – and God provided.  The pups were nursed back to health and as they grow and become part of our family.

I continue to see how I need to change (not as a punishment) but because I am prohibiting God’s blessing by maintaining and being overburdened by this stronghold of detachment.   God is teaching me to invest in relationships – with my children especially.  

My four daughters are older and over the last few years I’ve felt like I needed to take a break from nurturing.  I realize now that the reason I was so tired was because all my energy was going into maintaining the stronghold of detachment.  I thought I needed a break from parenting and I just really needed to break free from my stronghold.  What a revelation! 

However, this re-building of relationship is tough work especially with teenage and college-age children.  I am praying constantly for God to soften our hearts so we can receive the blessings from a mother-daughter relationship.  It has been awkward at times but God is good and He is true to His word – if we abide in Him, He will abide in us.  

In stressed situations, my first impulse is still to detach, but God is patient with me.  Nowadays, I am much more attune to the gentle voice of the Holy Spirit.  I am much more apt to receive instruction like one being taught rather than one being punished.  I have learned to see how I believed the enemy’s lies, how I had unbelief.  I know God as a true friend, trustworthy Father and Prince of Peace.  

Isaiah 26:3

You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.

Esther Belin

Testimony Tuesday - Prayer Can Move Mountains

Prayer Can Move Mountains

Okay. That's not exactly how the scripture goes. More like, faith can move mountains. But as we learned from Pastor Mark's message, prayer builds our faith. Alrighty, testimony over! That just about sums it up, but If you desire more details, keep reading.
  

I grew up in Texas, in the Bible belt. Practically born in church. I was raised in a non-denominational church where I attended a service at least 3 times a week. They followed a Baptist doctrinal regarding gifts of the spirit. Basically, the church of Acts was for that time not for the present.

That was 20 years of my life. Then God gave me a husband! A husband with an open mind. We moved 2,500 miles away from home right after the honeymoon to an island. So... maybe I have an open mind too. Les (the husband), was already living on the island for a few months before the wedding  and picked our church home for us. One of two options. This is how he put it to me when discussing the two churches, "small and hip? old and bland?" Hmm... not much of a decision there... I bet you can guess where we ended up. After a few weeks of Les attending he dropped a bomb... "They speak in tongues sometimes". "Wozzers...But you've told me all the people are normal and you could see us all being best friends, lifelong friends. They must have you brain washed already! " was my reply. But being married to that open minded kinda guy I was convinced to check the church out myself once we were both living on the island. Can you say UNCOMFORTABLE!

Like Les promised, after moving to the island I fell in love with the people of that small, hip church instantly!  They WERE normal! I just had to ignore the tongues thing. Besides, in Sunday service it was pretty rare to ever hear it or at least not very loud and I would convince myself that maybe they were praying in Latin or Chinese. Better to ignore it.

Being a part of this small and hip church blending in, slipping out right after service was not an option.  Being responsible young people with tons of free time who loved the Lord we got roped in to volunteer for several ministries inside the church pretty fast.  Les was first to volunteer his time and talent with the worship band which required them praying after Sunday morning practice and before service started. Shortly after I volunteered with the media team and was also required to join in on the time of prayer.  Boom! Then it hit me! ALL of the leadership spoke in tongues! And really loud,  fired up loud! But it didn't scare me. I could see their passion, fire and love for the Lord coming from their mouths in words I couldn't understand. I HAD to know more!

Through membership class we learned that there was a difference between a gift of the spirit and a prayer language. A prayer language being a result of being baptized in the Holy Spirit. Where a gift of tongues is one of many spiritual gifts God can give you, and when used there would be an interpreter. The gift is meant to edify the body and the prayer language is meant to edify you.  I felt like a whole new level of my relationship with Christ was within reach something I was now yearning for.  

A women's prayer group was started at the church at an ungodly hour... 6:00am! I went. I will say nothing of my teeth being brushed or not.  So many woman of the church spoke in their own prayer languages. I could feel the power of the Holy Spirit in that room every week that I attended. Yes, it was loud, yes, it could be distracting when trying to pray silently in English, yes, it could feel uncomfortable when you think you're the only one that can't pray in the spirit. I don't know a ton of people who can pray in English for a whole hour and keep the flow. But I have seen the average person pray in English and tongues and easily pass an hour. I needed this tool in my spiritual tool bag.  

Through discussions with my church peeps I started asking how they were baptized in the Holy Spirit. It's the safe way to ask, "how in the world can I get that mysterious language to flow out of my mouth?"  One of my friends was baptized in the Spirit at a rock concert (a non-Christian one) and she would go back and minister to young people at concerts in her youth. She said that it's the most awesome tool to use when you don't know what to pray for someone or you run out of words. Who would be more equipped to pray on your behalf? The Holy Spirit interceding for us to the Father. How could you ever come up with a better prayer yourself? I HAD to get baptized!

On a Saturday night I was talking to our landlord, Fran, while she was cleaning her bathroom, who lived above us, who was the Senior Pastor's mom, about how she was baptized in the spirit. She was in a garden, alone. Not in a church. Not by any man's doing. I sure wasn't convinced that I could do it on my own. She sensed my hesitation. She reminded me that we were having some retired missionaries as guest speakers at church the next day. Lou and Marian. Well, that was all well and good, but my shot was completely lost. I had to teach Children's Church! Oh, well! Maybe next year or maybe I could muster up the courage to have the senior pastors pray over me sometime.





About 5 minutes before my class would be in total chaos from church running so late, Fran came into the classroom and told me I had to get to the sanctuary immediately! Lou and Marian's invitation was to get baptized in the Holy Spirit! Goose bump city! What a coinkydink! I entered the sanctuary and stopped cold. Lou and Marian had their hands on Les. He was going to get it and not me... In the midst of having such thoughts another wise woman and dear friend basically pushed me into the threesome circle and said, "This is his wife".  After seconds of observing I could see that Les was getting it! Was I too late? Was I called out just to support him? Without skipping a beat, Marian turned her attention on me. She was praying in the spirit with her hands on me and kept telling me to pray.... "not in English" she would say over and over again. Tears were running down my face, I was shaking and concentrating.


Then, God gave me the picture of Peter on the boat when Jesus called him onto the water. I looked down and saw my foot coming out of the boat. It was me. God was calling me in that moment to have faith like no other time in my life. "Don't think about it. Let go" they were telling me. Les was already sharing his testimony with me from minutes before on how he was able to get to the point of letting go. I thought he must have gotten it because he's the one with the "open mind", not me.  The moment I was "out-of-my-mind" and let go of all logic it happened for me too. I remember feeling like I was stepping out of the boat and was free falling for just a split second and then I landed on solid ground (or maybe water). Funny words came out of my mouth. It sounded like only two funny words over and over again, but I didn't care! I knew without a doubt that they were not two of my words or made up words.  I could feel the power of the Holy Ghost on me. I felt completely saturated in the Holy Spirit. We were released that day and told to pray in our prayer language daily, together, at meals, alone in the car. It's like any language. Your vocabulary grows, but it takes practice.

The woman's 6:00am prayer group was like fresh water to me now. A safe place to pray in tongues with my mentors and friends. I was able to grow my prayer language where I felt like a part of the team who was bringing the power of the Holy Spirit into the room.  Prayer walks were taken to a new level! Prayer Chain jumped to epic status.  

My friend and 23 year old coworker was diagnosed with Leukemia. What a great time to have my newest spiritual tool. The day she got the diagnosis I organized a 24 hour prayer, two people deep. Meaning, there was at least two people praying for her healing for over 24 hours.  I was lead to do this, not because I planned on praying for her myself for 24 hours straight, but because I had now physically felt the power of prayer. How prayer increased my faith. And I knew that it would take faith to move a mountain.

Praying in tongues, singing in tongues, is an integral part of my life.  No, it's not salvation. It will not get me to heaven. But It does bring comfort and calms anxiety. It has made my walk with Christ richer. My faith stronger. I desire for everyone to feel the fullness that I feel because of it. That is why I share my testimony.

I encourage you, if you have been baptized in the Spirit and as a result have a prayer language that has been dormant, bust it out! Practice even when you feel silly! The enemy does not want to hear it. He knows there is power in it. He will make you feel silly. Rise above Satan! Use it for the Lord, daily! Use it to pursue Him! To invite His presence right into your car as you're driving! One of my favorite verses that my husband quotes often. "He doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called."