Focused Tension

By Jill Palmer

Tension. It’s not a word I love but it’s one I’m learning to appreciate. Tension is necessary in so many aspects of life. If the bungee cord is too tight then there won’t be any give when you jump. If it’s too loose…let’s just say that’s not a good option either. If the rope holding the piano to the back of the truck is too tight, it won’t fit and could damage the piano. If it’s too loose, make sure you’re not the one driving behind that truck on a hill.

Can you see why tension is necessary? Everything in the natural is a representation of something in the supernatural and tension is no different.

The Merriam-Webster definition that best fits is “a balance maintained in an artistic work between opposing forces or elements.”

This is Jesus. He was, and is, the perfect balance in an artistic work between opposing forces or elements. He is grace and truth. Mercy and judgment. The beginning and the end. The law and forgiveness. The Sacrifice and the One Who requires it. It really boggles the mind how much tension Christ endured when He walked this earth. And yet it was necessary and it was beautiful.

My life, I have found, is very much filled with this sort of tension. However, I’ve always viewed it as conflict that needs to be resolved rather than a tension that needs to be maintained between opposing forces.

The balance between who I think I should be and who I really am, for example. Truly it can’t be either/or. It has to be both. Unfortunately I’ve been warring with this conflict for so long it’s a struggle to see how it could possibly be both.

Who I think I should be, really who God created me to be in the beginning, is unattainable in this world. If I were to live in this unreachable place I would constantly feel defeated, less than, hopeless and frustrated. Having all patience and kindness and grace in all circumstances is never going to happen. I have limitations as a fallen human in this world. It is not possible to be perfect and to handle every situation as Christ did. It’s just not.

Conversely, it isn’t possible for me to live a healthy, abundant life if I stay living who I really am at this moment. I need to accept who I am but I can’t stay there if I want to enjoy all the promises of God. Who I am right now isn’t who I’m meant to be forever. It’s a stop along the journey. It’s the result of experiences and challenges and the knowledge I’ve gained over my 39 years. It’s part of the process, it isn’t the finished result. Living in this place alone can also leave me feeling defeated, less than and hopeless because I will constantly find myself unable to receive all that God has for me. Intimate relationships, deep and constant joy, freedom and healing are all gifts God has promised to me. In this lifetime I’m always journeying to who I was made to be and if I decide to just stop at the nearest bus stop and give up the journey I’ll never arrive will I?

The beautiful, uncomfortable, healthy tension is lived out everyday in every circumstance. Going back and forth between the wife I want to be and the the wife I actually am right now. The kind of mom I think I should be and the mom I really am at this moment. The follower of Jesus that I strive to be and the disciple that I really am. This difficult reality. This artistic work between opposing forces.

I love the language of that. It describes something that is not simple, not complicated but artful (done with or showing artistic skill). Beautiful, uncomfortable and necessary in order to experience real relationship and real growth.

So instead of running from the tension or trying to resolve it, I’m choosing to embrace it, go with it and live in it because I want to see the fullness of God in my life. I’m forever thankful to Jesus Christ for being my model and my coach in this tension-filled journey.

What kind of tension do you experience? Do you see it as conflict or can you recognize the tension?