Only Jesus

By Esther Belin

O how I do enjoy the mountain high

To restfully ponder in God’s good grace,

God’s wondrous covering, sweet by and by,

How the years fold away, a lost embrace.

No turning back to hold regret, or shame

No longer tangled in a spiraled snare

Only peace when my Savior calls my name!

Like fluffy clouds, a brilliant glow, He cares.

I know God’s love, His perfect plan for me

Yet gnawing disdain feeds my unbelief

Covered and protected, where none can see

The growing painful lies, becoming grief.

To whom I run, to whom upon I call

Only Jesus – carries me when I fall.

In All Circumstances

By Esther Belin

 Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.  ~ 1 Thess. 5:16-18 NIV

During a recent season of practicing this verse, I started reading The Hiding Place by Corrie Ten Boom. This book was the perfect companion to this season because I was drawn to examine my circumstances. Corrie hid Jewish people in her home during World War II and later became a prisoner in a Nazi concentration camp. She lived in daily dread and constant pressure, yet she allowed her circumstances to reveal God’s power regardless of the times she had no idea how she was going to do what needed to be done. I have read several secular texts about the Jewish concentration camps that were grueling to read because they tended to focus on the evil of humanity (sin). Oddly, her memoir was a blessing to me because of her perspective to glorify God – which many times was prompted by her sister, Betsie. Rather than focusing on each set back, each moment of injustice, the sisters focused on God’s power for daily existence – truly living out 1 Thess. 5:16-18 – by being joyful always, praying continually and giving thanks in all circumstances.

This command is simple yet requires a consistent posture, an intentional effort to make fine-tune adjustments in order to hear from God so that you may do His will. I have the luxury of so many choices, so many ways to worship God/not worship God, to be focused/to be distracted. While I enjoy my freedom to choose, I also allow that freedom to become an agent for the enemy. I am ashamed to reveal how I reposition God to fit my choices. The result is an entanglement of exhaustive busyness – a “chasing after the wind” (Ecc. 1:14). The choice to follow Him requires a keen awareness to the tension needed for stretching my spiritual muscles. When I am “chasing after the wind” – my choice is to forego stretching and sag toward complacency, waywardness.

I am in wonderment of the delicate nature of being in God’s will. At one point in the book, Corrie and Betsie prayed a simple prayer giving thanks for their latest living quarters that included a swarm of fleas! At the time, Corrie’s heart was troubled to give thanks for a flea infestation, but she obeyed God’s command. Later, Corrie revealed how that horrible flea infestation created hours of opportunity to freely witness to others since their work station was so badly infested that even the guards dare not enter. While she and Betsie enjoyed a work detail free from the harsh watch of guards, they also were constantly flea-bitten! During this time of constant spiritual stretching, they were continually praying, giving thanks in all circumstances. The practice of continually exercising their spiritual muscles tapped them into Christ’s power to endure the emotional and physical torture.  

As Christ followers, I know we are not promised a life of ease; we are however able to stand on Christ’s promises – of new life, of provision, of perfect timing. I have been in the cycle of the whirl – chasing the wind – seeking a formula rather than seeking the One who can rescue me from this cycle. 

Corrie’s story is fantastical not because of the suffering but because of God’s presence in the midst of her suffering. Staying in the presence of God is doable yet when His presence involves long-suffering, meekness and temperance, I tend to seek more desirable fruits of the Spirit. I want the love, joy, peace. I want to pick my own basket of fruit! O, how I stumble – O, how I seek shelter under God’s veil of mercy. I tell God that I am His servant yet I balk and tug at the first sign of arduous tasks; I resist eating fruits of patience and self-control. I resist God’s sovereignty as the master gardener – the One who prunes, the One who holds the blueprints of my purpose.  

“He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit  he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful” (John 15:2).  

When doing a word study on this verse, I meditated on the difference between cutting off branches and pruning branches. The cutting off is generally done to branches that are withered and already dead perhaps never reaching their full potential. They are cut off from the vine to allow the remaining branches to bear fruit. Pruning is done to healthy fruit-bearing branches in order to continue the process of bearing more fruit. Both scenarios are part of the master gardener’s plan and both scenarios are painful.

Dear Readers, now when fruits of long-suffering, meekness and temperance are served to me, I fondly think of Corrie and Betsie – sweet sisters in Christ who I am looking forward to meeting one day in heaven – and quiet my soul to be joyful always, pray continually and give thanks in all circumstances.

What do you focus on during the process of pruning and cutting? Are you tempted to "pick your own fruit"?

Daily Bread

By Esther Belin

A few years ago, I finally surrendered my finances to God, deciding to convert to a cash system. At the time, I had a steady income. Shortly after this decision, I lost my job. Looking back at that time, I know that God took financial security away from me to be solely dependent on Him. Money was a very apparent idol in my life and because He heard the song in my heart He compassionately pursued me to show me my sin. God was very intentional at removing financial security at the exact time I committed to surrender my finances. It was a test. 

I knew it – in my intellect, I totally knew that I was being tested. At the time, I didn’t really think of it as a trial because I knew I could get another job – or so I thought. So it is during this season of refining that God waited patiently for me to see His mystery, His sovereignty and His love (Job 42:5).

Selah.

Like Paul, “If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness” (2 Corin. 11:30).  Before I go on, I do need to say that I love Paul. I love his obedience, I love his heart, I love his passionate, jumbled, and lengthy sentences that are so dense with truth. Dear Readers, I so encourage you to read your Bible. It is only with reading and truly wrestling with God’s word that one can appreciate these fellow Christ followers.

From very young, I knew that money enabled comfort. It was uncomfortable to watch opportunities pass by for lack of money, or to see how money changed attitudes. In fourth grade, I knew I was going to college because education was a method to achieve money. I put most of my effort in getting good grades and when I realized how easy it was to get good grades, my idol of pride began to take root. Little did I know that my seemingly simple desire to surrender my finances to God revealed a hidden collection of idols. I sigh because my intellect knows God desires all of my heart.  

I am so ashamed to realize how I tried to negotiate with God by holding back – thinking that I could hide my idols from him! So back when I lost my job, my idol of pride stood tall. I thought – ok, no big deal, I will get whatever job I can…. I am so employable…. I have so many skills….. I went to college….. I am better than the average laborer.  I cannot tell you how many unsuccessful job interviews I had. I was even hired, then 3 days before I was to start, it fell through. God was chipping away my pride – and my resistance/ignorance was making it more painful. Because that idol was decades old, the realization as to the invasiveness of it crippled my identity: who I think I am – who I think God is – how I relate to people.  I sigh heavily at my sin – and I rejoice readily at His mercy (Ps. 5:7).

Selah.

In my intellect, I knew that I knew that I knew God desires all of my heart. So why was it so hard to give it to Him? I knew He was trustworthy. I knew He was faithful. I knew He wanted to bless me – to provide for me – to watch me succeed! I knew it in my head but not in my heart. During this season of financial drought, I have had to walk by faith daily. Sometimes moment by moment – clinging so desperately to God – being so precise in my obedience – asking for and taking only my daily portion. God was showing me His provision in a very real and deliberate way. A way not based on intellect but on faith.

Unexpectedly, being on such a tight budget has exposed the bountifulness of God. As I inventoried our pantry and our bank accounts, I began to pray over all of it. 

I prayed that we would eat and spend wisely. I prayed for creativity to find recipes that included food in our pantry. I prayed that the gas in our vehicles would stretch. I prayed over big purchases to be made in the coming months. For such a long time, I had believed a lie that we never had enough. Enough food, enough money, enough time. I was living a lie of deficiency.

Now I gladly praise God for His bounty (Ps. 13:6 ESV). He will never allow His children to lack anything – He provides, protects and pursues. He sings over us (Zeph. 3:17 ESV). I love that. I love that God – Creator of the Universe – sings loudly over us.  God sings over me as I struggle to piece together random dry goods in my pantry for a meal. God sings over me as I pray about even the smallest purchases – and it is in those times that I see God’s bounty everywhere.

Prayer has been my sole source to daily bread – physically, spiritually and emotionally.  There are really no words to replace the blessings of true obedience – everything gets mussed up in the overflow of grace and mercy – like a longing fulfilled, like an aching limb relieved, like the warmth of sun-rays. Dear readers, I leave you with a timeless hymn that has taken on new meaning for me.

1. You have longed for sweet peace,
   And for faith to increase,
   And have earnestly, fervently prayed;
   But you cannot have rest,
   Or be perfectly blest,
   Until all on the altar is laid.

• Refrain:
  Is your all on the altar of sacrifice laid?
  Your heart does the Spirit control?
  You can only be blest,
  And have peace and sweet rest,
  As you yield Him your body and soul.

2. Would you walk with the Lord,
   In the light of His word,
   And have peace and contentment away?
   You must do His sweet will,
   To be free from all ill,
   On the altar your all you must lay.

3. Oh, we never can know
   What the Lord will bestow
   Of the blessings for which we have prayed,
   Till our body and soul
   He doth fully control,
   And our all on the altar is laid.

4. Who can tell all the love
   He will send from above,
   And how happy our hearts will be made;
   Of the fellowship sweet
   We shall share at His feet,
   When our all on the altar is laid. 
 

How have you seen God provide for you? Have you experienced His daily bread?

Accept the Crooked

By Esther Belin

Accept the way God does things, for who can straighten what he has made crooked?  

Eccles. 7:13 (NLT)

For a long time I was troubled by this verse.  In my brain, crooked means imperfection. I had a hard time believing that God would make crooked things since the word perfect is regularly used to describe Him. Why would God make something crooked intentionally? My inner dialogue says: The painting hangs crooked. The hem is crooked. The underlining of my favorite verse in my bible is crooked. I have seen many a student tear out or cross out their writing because it is crooked.

As Christ followers, to seek perfection like Christ is a logical desire – that is easy to accept because walking it out can mean living out God’s purpose for our lives – and I want God’s perfect and chosen destiny for my life (Jer. 1:5-8). That destiny is harder to accept when part of God’s purpose is a crooked path.

I know that God’s ways are not our ways – and I know that God is sovereign over all. And I love that as I grapple with this verse, God’s sovereignty is being revealed to me and I feel silly because it suddenly becomes so obvious that harboring knowledge is not the same as applying knowledge.  Harboring knowledge has been a hindrance for me. While seeking knowledge is generally a good aspiration, I actually built a high place out of my knowledge. I turned something good into something hindering, sinful.

In my preoccupation of straightening, I was not accepting the crooked. I tried to straighten the crooked by applying my knowledge without seeking God’s instruction. I was in constant road construction!

Taking unnecessary detours, creating detours – basically pulling a Jonah (Jonah 1:1-3).

The anxiety of continual highway traffic created fuel for resistance of God’s crookedness. I became overly alert, controlling and sensitive because I was desperately searching for an exit or a smoother road or another driver. Accepting the way God does things means letting Him drive!

Jonah’s prayer was also very helpful to me: “When my life was ebbing away, I remembered you, Lord, and my prayer rose to you, to your holy temple. Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs” (Jonah 2:7-8 NIV). I was missing God’s grace by not accepting the way He does things.

I do love how God’s word is filled with many crooked paths that have been used for His glory. I am applying those tales of Jonah, Moses, Joseph, Ruth, Esther (and many more) to redirect my rebellious inner dialogue that still tries to bump God from the driver’s seat.

My prayer for you dear readers is that you would not wait until your life is ebbing away to call upon our Lord and Savior – He is waiting for you to remember Him – He is waiting to hear from you.

Writing Songs, Taking Selah

By Esther Belin

I have been reading through the Psalms the last few days, paying special attention to chapters I normally gloss over – like Psalm 3. This psalm is labeled as “A psalm of David. When he fled from his son Absalom.”  (For more about that conflict see 2 Samuel, chapters 15-18.) This notation sets a virulent tone – one of sorrow, tragedy, and confusion. David, the one known as a man after God’s own heart, fully exercises all his emotions in song!

I love how God uses songs as a way to dialogue with Him. Knowing that these psalms incorporate Hebrew poetry and structure makes me so curious to study them in Hebrew – especially because I am appreciative of writing as an art. But I am more appreciative of David as a servant of the Most High God. I wonder at the dialogue between him and God. When God asked David to write about this painful and lonely time, what was David’s reaction? Did he agree readily? Or did an emotional tornado wrench at his body and soul at the thought of reliving that time? 

I appreciate that David not only obeyed God, but that his retelling of this painful time does so in music and poem. Beauty from ashes. When I am in the middle of a painful situation – and I don’t even want to pray (or know what to pray), I can always trust that reading through the psalms gives me hope. I thank our loving Father God that He wants us to be emotionally healthy – God expects us to feel and He also wants us to write our own song of beauty from ashes.  He wants us to be consumed by Him – to refine, to reposition, to rejoice! Crazy hard, but doable (Romans 12:12 ESV).  

Additionally, three instances of Selah are included in this short psalm. Selah generally infers a pause – a rest to take in God’s presence, a meditation.

I love this intentional call for a pause. In this particular psalm, I imagine the Selah as a time to fully cry unto God or fully praise God – either way, a true pouring out of self. I can totally visualize David doing both.   

The verse that comforts me the most is verse 5:

“I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the Lord sustains me.” When we “cry aloud” to God, He answers us “from his holy hill” that we may “lie down and sleep.” 

God wants to give us rest! He knows the pressures we are under. He not only knows, He sees and hears. Such love. 

The second half compounds on God’s love: He sustains us. Because of all the emotional weight David was bearing I believe the only reason David was able to awaken again is because he poured himself out to God the day before – in tears and in praises.

This is such a good practice. I easily get filled with the weighty yucky stuff of this world – and I am regularly finding out how easy it can be to let God carry my burdens by crying out and by praising Him. The more I take time to Selah and understand God’s love for me, the more obediently I pour out myself to Him. I want to be sustained. I want restful sleep.

At times, I also want revenge for my pain. Verses 6,7 truly speak to that emotion. David embraces God’s command to not fear. Great assurance. I do love the zeal of verse 7. David cheers God on to arise, deliver him, strike his enemies in the jaw, and break their teeth! Great deliverance. David is a wonderful representation of how to lament, express, and seek God. This short psalm literally packs a punch – and I always feel good after reading it. Great relief. 

We are God’s children and He will defend. We are God’s creation and He will strengthen our skills to sing a new song (Ps. 33:3 NKJV). 

Dear Readers, my challenge to you is to write out your song. Song of Lament. Song of Praise. Song of Deliverance. Seek inspiration from David and strength from our Sovereign God. Allow our Almighty, Compassionate Lord and Savior to awaken your heart strings. And please share it – so we can rejoice or weep along with you (Romans 12:15).  

Take Home Your Treasure

By Esther Belin

An image came to me one Sunday at the close of a worship service. The image came with such an overwhelming emotion of melancholy. God’s presence was so heavy; there was an overflow it. The message was packed with God’s goodness – we were fed well that day! The image that came to me was gold nuggets – a treasure of them. They were the overflow of His blessing and He wanted us (His church) to gather them up and take them home. Yet, I was so grieved, numb with a wave of melancholy. 

Why?

It seemed like no one else saw the treasure – that no one was taking home the gold nuggets placed right in front and beside them. 

I was so weighed down because of this word: melancholy – that I later did a quick word study.

I had known melancholy to simply mean a state of sadness or being lonely.  However, the root origin is Greek and the literal meaning is black bile.  According to the ancient Greek pathology, a person was diagnosed with melancholy when they exhibited a wide range of symptoms (from irregular digestion, enlarged liver/spleen to nervous exhaustion or the feeling of something being stuck in the throat) which was believed to be caused by an excess of black bile in the body.

That day in church I definitely felt a deep congestion like the feeling of something being stuck in my throat.

I knew at that moment God was grieving over us. He was grieving because there are remnants of a dead and lukewarm church – and consequently we cannot see or do not care to pick up and take home the treasure. Now sisters I say this with no condemnation because I lived in this state for many years (and I always justified it because of my circumstances which indeed were oppressive).

Rather, we need to take heart that our compassionate and sovereign Lord and Savior is unfailing. He will show up every time his people are gathered. Yet, do we enter the house of the Lord with expectation? Do we really believe that God wants to satisfy our souls “with the richest of foods”? (Ps. 63:5).

The table is set. The menu is perfect. God invites us personally to feast. 

And we do every week. (I thank Jesus that our pastors use their anointing to enrich the Kingdom.)

The meal is nourishing and filling. The company is encouraging, funny and like-minded. We feast on God’s word every week at church. Yes, the church in general does a great job of feeding the people. However, weekly meals are not enough to keep us nourished and filled.

God’s presence is enough but if we don’t constantly seek Him, we will be continually undernourished and empty (and in such a famished, needy state).  God wants to bless us. He wants us to take those gold nuggets home. He expects us to take the gold nuggets home so during the week we can experience more of His presence by studying his character. Only God prepares such a grand feast where he expects us to take a doggie bag home.

How can we be the light and salt of the world if we haven’t learned how to nourish ourselves on God’s word outside of weekly church experiences?

How do we create a desire to meditate on God’s word – day and night (Ps. 1:2)?

There is no universal formula, but there are universal factors.  Basically, it is a lifestyle, it is an attitude, it is a pattern.

Here is a pattern I use: Posture, Praise, Prayer, Pruning

Below are some verses that correlate to each factor in my pattern (there are so many more). 

Posture: Ps. 119:130, Ps. 37:23-24, Ps. 38:9, Ps. 40:6, Ps. 14:2, Ps. 37:4-8, Ps. 42:1-2, Ps. 46:10

Praise: Ps. 16:11, Ps. 113:3, Ps. 34:19, Ps. 19:7-8, Ps. 46:1-3, Ps. 47:7, Ps. 92:1-2, Ps. 107:9, Ps. 150:6

Prayer: Ps. 26:2, Ps. 34:4, Ps. 119:11, Ps. 51:12, Ps. 55:22, Ps. 43:3, Ps. 61:1-3, Ps. 90:16-17, Ps. 130:5-6, Ps. 141:1-4

Pruning: Ps. 51:6-7, Ps. 94:12, Ps. 119:36-37, Ps. 119:103-104, Ps. 139:1-3, John 15:1-2

The book of Psalms has been comforting and mysterious to me.  I am drawn to the mystery behind the psalms and the psalmist.  I want to know the character of God and the Psalms are a wonderful way to experience God’s majesty, mystery, love, grace, and mercy.

Dear readers, I leave this verse for you to feast on, as it has been essential to fine-tuning my posture of daily meditating on God’s word.

Isaiah 50:4

The Sovereign Lord has given me an instructed tongue, to know the word that sustains the weary.  He wakens me morning by morning, wakens my ear to listen like one being taught.

It is a practice.  Not perfect, but possible. 

Talents, Time & Treasure

By Esther Belin

Dear Readers,
I am honored to be a guest blogger.  I have been praying that God would direct me because I tend to complicate simple tasks.  I retreat.  I ponder.  I meditate.  All these things are wonderful to produce great writing, but my problem was that I never got around to the actual writing.  I often say that I am writing in my head – which is true – however the problem with that type of writing is it is only for me (and I rarely remember the masterpieces composed in my head).  I never used to think there was anything wrong with that until I realized God gave me the love and gift of writing to fulfill part of His will.  So here I am, a guest blogger – writing with the sole purpose of giving God the glory.  This commitment was renewed during a study on the parable of the talents (Matthew 25:14-30 NLT).

This parable is amazingly simple yet mysteriously complex which is probably the reason Jesus taught using parables.  Out of his compassion, he used examples humanity could grasp.  I laugh as I write that last sentence because I feel like I have only recently grasped the meaning!  I was familiar with the lessons of being a good steward of God’s money and possessions, but I never really thought about being a good steward of my spiritual gifts and time.  If I believe God created each person with their own unique giftings and He created time, then of course both gifts and time should be used to bring Him glory.  We limit ourselves when we hide our talents (pun intended).  But more importantly, we limit the building of God’s kingdom.

Understanding the context to stories, parables or people has deepened my Bible studies.  Because the Bible provides only minimal information about the servants and the Master, it can be easy to disassociate from the parable.  Yet because the Bible is truth, we can assume that the servants would have similar emotions/motives/responses we would.  Because the Master entrusted select servants (rather than business partners, family members or friends) with his money reveals fascinating qualities.  Did the Master not have any trustworthy business partners, family members or friends?  Or was the Master just a cool boss who was giving his employees a career opportunity?  If your boss handed over part of her/his personal fortune (a talent is like a million dollars) while s/he went on a long vacation, what would you do? 

Ultimately, what you do with the money depends on how well you know the Master.  I believe that the Master wanted to bless her/his employees and that is the reason why s/he entrusted the money accordingly – and in that sense, it was a test.  I also believe that each employee knew the Master to be kind and generous.  Two of them were challenged by this opportunity, and they accepted it because they knew their Master was kind and generous.  Did they know how to make more money?  Did they know anything about investment? Perhaps, but maybe not.  It seems the first servant had some knowledge about investment, but the second servant “went to work.”  

Our culture in the U.S. is all about the opposite of work.  As a culture, we are aware of the work ethic that founded this country, yet that ethic is very much buried by an entitlement ethic – that we deserve to be happy and wealthy with the freedom to do what we want.  In short, I had to finally position myself to go to work for God.  In order to get to that place I grieved over my past choices to work for my own ideas of happiness, wealth and freedom.  Then, I spent some time in His word trying to figure out what the will of God is for my life.  After much retreating, pondering and meditating, God whispered that I am in His will. Now I am just eager to go to work. 

The process was not easy because I had been so worried (which was a diversion from the enemy) that I was missing out; I almost lost hope until I realized the enemy was creating chatter in my head.   The chatter created confusion, doubt and fear, and would have destroyed my desire to write because I couldn’t hear God’s voice.

Psalm 25:14 states: “The friendship of the Lord is for those who fear him, and he makes known to them his covenant” (ESV).  

The KJV replaces “friendship” with “secret.” Of course God whispers when he is telling secrets! What he was telling me was only for me to know.  He was whispering my part in fulfilling his will – based on my abilities! 

I have asked God many times to reveal to me things in my life – and He has, however I haven’t always been ready to hear it.  Maybe he revealed this same information to me years ago and my heart simply was not positioned to receive it.  I am thankful He is a faithful and consistent God who patiently waited for me.  My prayer is for each of you to reaffirm your belief in a Master who wants to bless you – to create opportunities to hear His whispers.