Gaining Understanding

By Nancy Turley
 

"You don't know what you don't know when you're young.” (and sometimes old - added by N. Turley)  (The original quote is from Lots Of Candles, Plenty Of Cake, Advice to My Younger Self by Anna Quindlen)

"A wise (wo)man will hear and increase with learning. And a (wo)man of understanding will acquire wise counsel.”

"For the Lord gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding; he stores up sound wisdom for the upright.”

 “Keep sound wisdom and discretion. So they will be life to your soul.”

                            
“All her paths are peace. She is tree of life to those who take hold of her and happy are all who hold her fast.”  

                            Proverbs.1:5, 2:6-7a, 3:21b-22a; and 3:17 , 18a (NASV)

”If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.  But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt…”  

                             James 1:5. 6a (NIV)

Recently I attended a Lunch and Learn seminar sponsored by our safety department at work. The title was “Cause Mapping.” The hook for the seminar was, “Do you know the reason the Titanic sank?” Most of us immediately went to the main cause—that the ocean cruiser ran into an iceberg—as well as a few other explanations, but what surprised all of us was, in the end, 123 reasons were found to be causes or the “whys?” that so many lives were lost when this ship sank.

The discussion was fascinating as we further learned that had just one or two of these causes been fixed or paid heed to in the earlier time line of what led to the Titanic’s demise, the ship may not have sunk and so many lives been lost. Had the bulkhead been sealed correctly, had the SS Californian responded earlier, had the rudders been fashioned to turn more quickly, had there not been such arrogance of the designer and captain that this ship was “unsinkable”—many, or all, of those 1523 lives would not have perished.

Lately I’ve been pondering about other “sinking causes”—people or things that seem to be sinking or situations where the ship is heading towards an iceberg about to tear a big hole in lives or already has. 

To what degree does the universal and Biblical adage of “what you sow, you will reap” create a pathway that cannot be reversed? To what degree do earlier choices pave that more problematic life pathway that then makes it so hard to make a turn-about? Is there a statute of limitations on how soon we have to turn around before it’s too late to alter present life circumstances, to realize the potential God created us for? 
 

The law of cause and effect can’t be easily overruled just because we are sorry later on. I want to understand my own, and others, “cause mapping.”  I want to understand the root causes of behaviors, the whys of our journeys. But much more than that, I want to see hope despite the small and big ships that have sunk in our lives. In the midst of negative circumstances caused by wrong, ignorant or even innocent choices we made along the way. I want to see grace override that and see how God is weaving it for good.  I want wisdom for us to navigate in the midst of our present journeys. I want to see a redemptive ending despite difficult current pathways. 

I do think years of life can add wisdom, but even in our more “mature” age we still are figuring out that “we don’t know what we don’t know.” And some 20 and 30 year olds have much more wisdom at their age than I ever had at that age (or may ever have).  How did they get that? How do any of us obtain wisdom and where does that start? How, does one gain understanding that provides a reason to keep going and hopefully, have some kind of happier ending? 
  

In the case of the Titanic, for those that survived, it was because they had access to the lifeboats and were fortunate to be able to climb aboard, or others held onto a buoyant part of the blown apart boat, or perhaps had the stamina to tread water longer than others and they lived long enough to be pulled in when thrown a lifesaver. 

For those of us who are drowning or feel like we are sinking, there is another lifesaving tool, that story twist that can still give us a “happy ending.” It’s when we ask for wisdom from God who says He’ll generously give it to us. But before that can happen, it seems we first have to see our part in our demise (or our need for something beyond ourselves), and admit that God is the author of the wisdom we need. It’s a cross-roads place of faith that truly trusts God has our backs, where we truly expect an answer. And to be able to walk in that happier ending we need to accept and act on the wisdom given. 

Regardless of the causes, it’s when we swim towards the lifesaver God throws out to us or climb aboard the lifeboat, that we receive grace and start the journey towards gaining understanding. 

I love that wisdom brings life to our souls and that its paths are peace. I love that wisdom is like a tree of life and thus promises a fruitful future—that acting on what we know we need to do (or not do), will put us on a forward path again. That, despite the cause, or how deeply sunk we may feel, there is a lifeboat to bring us back to firm land.

And for those of us praying for others whose rudders are not turning fast enough to avoid looming icebergs: perhaps our prayer should be that they are led to a point to cry out for rescue and ask for wisdom. Because then...they (and we) have the opportunity by learning and acquiring wise counsel, to get to the place of practicing more of what we then know we know.

And, the further good news is that "God gives grace to those who are afflicted." (Proverbs 3:34 -NASB). He does not have a statute of limitations if we call on Him to help us.  He can turn around and redeem the difficult circumstances of our lives and work them all together for good. 

The Administration of Reconciliation

By Tawna Wilkinson

    

The other day, I had a hard and messy conversation with an individual regarding their dissatisfaction with the church, and what they felt was wrong with it. The truth is I was hurt and very frustrated, as this wasn’t the first time I’d been approached with the same thing.

However, after I allowed myself the shabby process of sorting out my raw emotions with God and my husband, the Lord reminded of II Corinthians 5:17-21:

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new. Now all things are of God, who has reconciled us to Himself through Jesus Christ, and has given us the ministry of reconciliation, that is, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not imputing their trespasses to them, and has committed to us the word of reconciliation. Now then, we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were pleading through us: we implore you on Christ’s behalf, be reconciled to God. For He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.”

I realized if things were the way He intended in the beginning, there would be no need for our administrating reconciliation. For when things are reconciled, they are back to the way they were created to be.

When Christ was here He waded through enormous dysfunction with people’s perceptions of what He needed to do to make things right – in the synagogues; with the Pharisees and crowds; with the twelve men He hand-picked to journey with Him; even with his mother and siblings. And though Scripture doesn’t give much detail about His childhood, I can’t help but think there was a lot of muddling He had to endure just being a kid and teenager.

We want things to be neat and tidy; to be okay. And more times than not, I think that means, the way I want them to be. We hate the groaning our spirits, bodies and souls experience when we perceive things are not the way they’re supposed to be. And the last thing we want to do is stick around and engage in the hard work of restoration.

 Several years ago, a wise young man said to me, “Relationships are messy, and no one wants to get involved in them.” He was right. It’s obvious. When things don’t go the way we want, our first reaction is to bail…. don’t stick around and muddle through the mess and confusing in-betweens. It hurts. It’s hard. We have no promise that we’re going to see resolution. And what’s worse, we have no control over the outcome, let alone another’s choice.

I completely understand. I’ve bailed more times than I care to admit. I’ve thrown my hands up in frustration umpteen times, “knowing” for certain things are never going to change. But if that is true, then this passage of Scripture isn’t.

So today, I am actually thankful for the individual approaching me. For although the issue was not resolved, I now see I was presented with another opportunity to use my “ambassador muscles.” God, and this person, trusted me with part of the messy process of bringing a piece of reconciliation to this beautiful, broken and messy world. And I am glad I chose to engage in it.

When All Is Quiet

By Tiffany Bleger

When all is quiet

Where do you go?

When His voice isn't clear

Where do you run?

Do you charge ahead

Determined in your path?

Do you stand stock still

And wait for the whisper?

Do you turn and run

Back to the familiar?

Do you wander in circles

Moving but going no where?

When all is quiet

Where do you go?

When His voice isn't clear

Where do you run?

Do you lean on your friends 

For an encouraging word?

Maybe listen a little harder

To Sunday's sermon?

Do you beg and plead

And beat your head?

Do you make promises 

You know you won't keep?

When all is quiet

Where do you go?

When His voice isn't clear

Where do you run?

Do you pick up your bible 

And blow off the dust?

Do you listen to music

You think He would love?

Or do you trust and wait

And remember His promises?

Do you know Him well enough

To be still in the quiet?

When all is quiet

Where do you go?

When His voice isn't clear

Where do you run?

Are You Invoiced?

By Tawna Wilkinson

Putt-sing around my house a few months ago, I was wrestling with a dogging question: Should I or should I not help an individual with a genuine need, which in this case happens to be close to me? When I heard: “Bear one another’s burdens…” And…“for each one shall bear his own load.” (Galatians 6.2, 5)
 

A familiar frustration rose in my spirit, for in times past I had grappled, without resolution, with these exact phrases and specific words.

“Lord,” I said. “In one breath You command us to bear another’s burden, and in the next You seem to contradict commanding the exact opposite. I don’t know what to do or how to be.”

“I know,” He replied. “Look into it.”

So I dropped what I was involved with, went to my Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance, and looked up the words and phrases I felt Him emphasize.

To my chagrin, in both instances, the definition of bear was exactly what I thought: “to remove, lift, endure, sustain, receive, etc.” However, I was surprised to find where its meaning was derived….from the base of the Greek word basis which means “to walk; a pace (‘base’) i.e. (by implication) the foot.”

Immediately a picture came of two people walking side by side, one was carrying a large burden while the other, walking in pace, was helping alleviate some of its weight, but was not taking the burden from them.

Intrigued, I dove into the definition of load, and was even more startled at its meaning: “an invoice (as part of freight) i.e. (fig.) a task or service.”

“Wow, Lord…an invoice?”

“Yes, an invoice. I assign to each an invoice; a task; a service to join with Me. If I have not invoiced you to walk side by side with another, yet you choose to, you are in fact sabotaging their relational footing with Me. And, by carrying all, or some, of another’s burden I did not invoice harms our walk as well. Be watchful, child. Do not disrupt your, or another’s, relationship with Me by carrying what has not been invoiced you.”

Sweet release washed over me shedding light on my present situation, as well as evaporating that unresolved and dogging question. For I had many times, out of guilt, shame, or condemnation, whether self-inflicted or imposed by others, helped carry, or carried all of another’s burden never invoiced me. And the results were damaging to the cadence of each relationship.

So, when another’s need arises, I am now inclined to stop and ask, “Have you invoiced me to come along side, Holy Spirit? Or is this theirs to join with You, alone? 

I Need a Clean Sweep

By Jill Palmer

I was driving past a storage place one time and the sign out front read "Too much stuff? Store it here. First month's rent is free!" 

My first thought was that I would give stuff away before I had to pay someone to store it for me. If you're moving that's different but I personally don't want to own more stuff then I can keep at my own house. Paying someone to store my junk doesn't make sense to me. And I don't know if you've noticed this or not but these storage facilities are going up everywhere! We live in a culture with so much extra. 

We find ourselves with extra things that need storing. We see the sign "first month free" and we find our solution! 

BUT THEN comes the sneaky part. As soon as that first month is over they start charging your credit card to pay rent on the unit. You see the charge on your card and say to yourself "I've got to go through that storage unit and get rid of stuff and not pay any more rent." 

And you do that for months....

As I was musing over that The Lord spoke to me and said that is what we do with our emotional junk. We aren't willing to part with old wounds, aren't willing to forgive, aren't wanting to let things go that we were never meant to carry. And so we store it. And the enemy tempts us and says it's okay...the first month is free! 

And it seems like such a good deal so we do it. "I'm mad at so and so and they don't deserve my kindness." We decide to hold onto something. And at first it's fine. No big deal. It's "free". 

Ya see, each of us has our own storage unit full of past hurts, unforgiveness and wounds. And every once in a while we are reminded that we are "paying" for them. Something happens that reminds us of what's in the "storage unit".  And we promise we'll deal with it soon so we don't have to keep on paying that rent. 

And we do that for months....or years...

See where this is going? This next picture might make you chuckle. 

Jesus wants to come in and help you clean out your storage unit. He wants to go through all that stuff that's been packed in there for years.  Sort through what is to keep and what is to dump. And He sticks with you throughout the whole process! It's like Clean Sweep! Remember that show on TLC several years ago?! 

He says in his word that His yoke is easy and His burden is light.  If you are feeling weighed down by the world then maybe it's time to let Jesus into your storage unit and help you clean it out. And stop paying the enemy to store your junk! 

Have you been paying the enemy to store your junk and saying to yourself "I'll get to it later"? How can you begin to take steps towards a "Clean Sweep"?

Learning to Forgive - PART 2

By Megan Danquah

Last month, I began this mini-series (HERE) on forgiveness by sharing some of the truths that I discovered about forgiveness, taken from my personal forgiveness journey. Today, I would like to share the practical steps that you can take to see freedom from wounds small and big alike become a reality in your own life.

1.  First of all, you must know what it is that hurt you. In other words, you must define the pain you are experiencing. Without definition, it is a cancer that is spreading throughout your body, slowly killing your soul and spirit, and eventually your body as well! Keeping a journal is helpful in this process. You can start by writing a detailed account of the event that caused the pain. What happened? Who said what? Where were you, what were you wearing, what were you feeling? How old were you at the time? Afterward, you can use a series of statements to help you further mine out the consequences of the injury you experienced. Help yourself to fill in statements about what you believed before the injury occurred and what it has caused you to believe now.

2. Once you have thoroughly defined the pain you have experienced, you must own it as your own. You must make sure that you are able to separate out the pain that you experienced versus the pain others may have experienced because of the same event. You do not want to be taking on other’s pain in this process. Own only what is yours. After you have done that, it is imperative that you, in essence, be able to look at that pain you have defined, and say to it “I see you, I understand you, and I accept you.” You need to accept that the pain you experienced is yours to own and the fact that it will shape the person you are to become.

3. Next is the part where you put the blame where it belongs. I had tendencies of taking blame upon myself for many wounds I experienced in my life. It was a coping mechanism in which helped me to avoid the anger and grief that I experienced as a result of injurious circumstances. One of the most empowering things that I ever did was fully feel the anger and sadness and despair that were my right to feel after the injury I experienced. It kept the depression at bay because I wasn’t blaming myself. It helped me understand that the clinical definition of depression—anger turned inward—was true! Misplaced anger, or misplaced blame, incapacitates us and disempowers us, causing depression and fog in our lives.

4. Then it was time for me to decide to forgive. And you know what? I could, much easier. It was no longer a “mind-over-matter” situation for me because I had given vent to my feelings of anger, sadness, and despair, for as long as I needed to do so. And I had done that in the correct direction, putting the blame where it belonged, which was outside of myself and on the person it belonged to.

Finally, FREEDOM!  Let’s say it again: F*R*E*E*D*O*M!!!!  

You CAN achieve forgiveness. You CAN see a strength emerge in yourself that you never saw before. You CAN live in freedom and wholeness. You CAN heal! My hope is that this post has taken some of the mystery out of the very intentional process that we call forgiveness and my encouragement is that, no matter were you are in your life, that you take your first steps into that freedom. It really is there, and it really is possible! 

Can you see yourself walking through these steps and finding freedom and wholeness? Do you believe it is possible? If not, what is holding you back?

**On a last note, a huge resource that I used in my process which goes into much more detail than I did here was a book called Forgiving the Unforgivable by Beverly Flanigan. The forgiveness steps I used here were adapted from her book. 

Thought Trails

By Nancy Turley

“Attentiveness is the heart’s stillness, unbroken by any thought.” Hescychios of Sinai
 
“The 'light of the mind' is a metaphor for the ground of awareness showing something of itself to our perception." ( Into The Silent Land by Martin Laird, p. 68)
 
“My soul, wait in silence for God only, for my hope is from Him.” Psalms 62:5 (NASB)

Along with our friends, Joanna and Bill, my husband Steve and I watched in fascination as the fireworks cascaded up, out and down like an evening candelabra in the sky over Vallecito Lake. We fortuitously parked almost right in back of the launching pad of the fireworks. We agreed afterwards that none of us had been that close to a fireworks display before.

I also experienced a different sensation than ever before, consciously attaching an anthropomorphic personality to individual displays as if they were unique beings. The crowd also reacted similarly, laughing after an elongated firework spun out with an audible sound of a child-like scream. One extended fireworks display cannoning maybe thirty or more red rockets, one after another, left smoke trails which formed a tree with branches and roots.  

My focus was drawn to those trails more than the actual fireworks itself. 

The present inner theme at work within me the past few months is one of awareness as I observe how the commentary of 
my thoughts leaves its own trail of "smoke" in my mind. I've performed my own tail spins several times while screaming like a child (though perhaps not as loudly)! And I have realized that my child within is reacting, not so much due to the reality of the present circumstance, but because she is spinning her own tail (and tale!) on a made up "commentary" about that circumstance...the "what ifs" or the misconstrued analysis of a situation that is not true at all. They are thoughts of the thoughts that have not even happened yet, or smoke trails from the past that have followed me into the present.
   
The song “Windmills of Your Mind” had lyrics distinctly describe that idea of cycling thoughts that tease us at times to a point of hopelessness and confusion. The final three lines are below:
“…Never ending or beginning on an ever spinning reel
 As the images unwind, like the circles that you find in the windmills of your mind!”

Most of us have at times found our thoughts spinning like windmills in our minds (we know “the wheels are churning”).

Using a scriptural lens as an antidote to this churning, we might think that “bringing every thought captive” would curb our angst, and yet, if we are not aware that our thoughts are really commentaries, and not truth or fact, I wonder if we have to go a little deeper.

I'm slowly reading through the book Into the Silent Land by Martin Laird, whose purpose is to give more in depth understanding of contemplative or centering prayer. Part of the beneficial "side effects" of this type of prayer help us navigate our way into this land of silence and gain awareness of our thoughts. We can choose when the distracting thoughts appear, not so much to dismiss or let go of them, but to be with them, without analyzing them, to meet the disrupting assaults with a "gaze of silence."

It's a fine line...to let go or to just be with our thoughts and still not perseverate on them. Perhaps to be with them is similar to the concept of "letting go of the letting go." It’s a skill to counter our thoughts with the kind of prayer that silence can give, and I’ve learned that it is not easy. But this kind of awareness in silence in prayer overlooks its distracting reaction to the screaming child within, and gives her a hug instead. It does not judge her; it gives her grace.

Do you struggle with your thoughts? How can we walk the fine line between being with our thoughts and obsessing about them?

Learning to Forgive - Part 1

By Megan Danquah

Ever wonder about WHAT it means to forgive and HOW to actually forgive? In a two-part post “series” I would like to take some time here to “de-mystify” the process. 

In my experience, forgiveness always felt elusive. I knew that it was the right thing to do, but I never understood how. In one sense, I understood it was a matter of my will—a matter of forcing my emotions and pain to bow to my will to say that it is ok, what happened didn’t matter, that if I just put on the love of Christ, all will be well and I will be able to forget about what grievance I experienced at the hand of another person. In another sense, I understood it to be some sort of miraculous exchange of my hurt for the love of Christ for whomever it was who had wounded me. Both understandings left me spending copious amounts of time “praying” - which was really just time spent trying to achieve mind over matter, repeating a mantra in my mind similar to “These feelings of pain can’t rule me anymore, these feelings of pain can’t rule me anymore”.  

The other thing I believed about forgiveness was that the faster it was achieved, the better. I believed that the more quickly I was able to achieve this “mind-over-matter” state, the happier the Lord would be with me. I believed that God wanted me to get rid of my unforgiveness as quickly as possible. Because of this I feel like I spent much of my life attempting to stuff all these wounds - from childhood into adulthood - because, for me, mind-over-matter was unfortunately unachievable. No matter how hard I white-knuckled it, nothing was changing. The pain was still there. All I was accomplishing was becoming a master at living in a perpetual state of denial.

Then something happened to me. I will not go into detail, but it is enough to know that I was deeply betrayed by someone extremely close to me. Betrayed in a way that my whole world and all I knew, along with all the devices I had used to cope with the pain in my life, were destroyed, and not by my own choosing. Here are a few things that I lost as a result: friends, my home, my job. Not to mention some of the emotional things I had lost: trust, a sense of belonging, a sense of justice, a sense of pure love, and all sense of the false security that I had carefully used to protect my heart my whole life. 

So here I was. Faced with forgiveness on a whole different level. A level one-hundred times deeper than any I had faced before. Praise God that He knows us intimately, and He knows exactly what, and WHO we need in our life to help us through when crisis occurs. He did that for me, and here’re a few things I have come to understand about forgiveness:

1. Forgiveness is a process, not a one-off spiritual transaction. We don't need to make it a race to the finish line. I believe it is important to start the process, but not to rush through it. There are so many things to learn about myself and God and others through the process of forgiveness. I do not want to lose that opportunity because of my wrong thinking that God wants this over with as soon as possible, or because I want this over with as soon as possible. It’s hard to sit in our pain, isn’t it? But it is through that very act that healing comes. 

2. Forgiveness is a lot more practical than I ever thought. There are actual steps that I can take, with actual exercises and practices that I can adopt, that will walk me through to a place where I am ready to move forward in my life. (More about that in Part 2). 

3. Forgiveness really has nothing to do with saying the words “I forgive you.” I used that for years in order to feel like I had really done it. Somehow those three words were supposed to equal spiritual and emotional proof that the elusive and miraculous “transaction” of forgiveness had taken place. Forgiveness is a very individual, inner and private process. Only you can know what it is like to live with the pain you have and know the hard work you have achieved to reach a place where you have forgiven.

 

4. Forgiveness requires work. Hard work. BUT it is some of the most valuable work I have ever done for myself. The old saying is true: Forgiveness is about letting someone out of prison, only to discover that the someone was you. The brilliant thing is that it really is for me! It is one of the best things I have undertaken to show love and compassion to myself.  I saw a strength in me that I never knew that I had!!!  

Next month, I will share further some specific steps that you can take to walk through the forgiveness process.

What have you believed to be true about forgiveness and did it hinder the forgiveness process for you?