---I would like to set aside Tuesdays as the day we testify to God's
work in our lives. I say we because I have asked women at the River
Church to share what God is doing in their lives and families. These
are their stories! "They defeated him [the accuser] through the blood of the Lamb and the bold word of their witness." Revelations 12:11 (MSG)---
12/10/13
God is huge, God is amazing, God loves me(all of us) so much that I am unable to even comprehend his love. Yet I still doubt him, I still have fear, and I sometimes fight myself from becoming angry with him. I know God is present in my everyday life and he hears my every prayer I pray. I know he has a plan for my life and that he knows what's better for me then I know for myself. This year God has given my Husband and I many opportunities to grow with Him. We have faced some impossible situations, and God has provided financially, helped soothe us emotionally and mentally, and He has been preparing us for one of the biggest battles of our lifetime.
When I meet my Husband he already had a beautiful 15 month old baby girl. We were like an instant family, and my Husband and I had to figure out pretty quick how serious our relationship was. Looking back I know that he knew we would eventually get married. We both had quite a bit of emotional and mental turmoil we had to get through to be healthy, that baby girl was at the center of our new relationship. We worked hard to develop and grow into a functioning, healthy, stable family that neither my Husband or I had ever had. We had to share our little princess with her Mother and step dad 50/50. It has been an experience to watch such a young child grow up being bounced back and forth and never really having any sense of a real routine.
Without going into details, my Husband and I honestly thought our princess would be better off living in one home the majority of the time. We have been preparing for this battle since the beginning of our relationship, and he has been preparing before I even met him. God has been teaching us to bite our tongue and turn the other cheek for years. He has directed us to move to a smaller town 45 minutes away from Durango so we would have the opportunity to buy a house and become better established financially. It was a very difficult decision to make as we felt it could result in us loosing time with our child. But we felt for us to be truly able to provide for this and all our future children we had to make a change.
God provided us a great house, on a great street with amazing neighbors and a great elementary school down the street. He has allowed my Husband to start his own business, and me to finish my pre-requisites towards my nursing degree. He has also directed us to stir the waters of the battle over the custody of our child. We had to make the decision, if we take our child's counselors recommendations and seek majority custody and risk loosing time with our little girl, or stay where we were comfortable and have the security we would have her 50% of the time. We could feel God calling us, and were terrified, but we listened and contacted a lawyer. That was in May. Since then we have had to invest money we didn't have, which God provided. We have had to go through an investigation, deal with a stressed, scared, angry child and have faith in God that He will be sitting in that court room everyday, but especially on the decision day.
This process has been a long one. At first my Husband and I thought we could finish before school started in August. I remember being so angry when the first court day we could get was 10/30/2013. I panicked and was angry with God. I felt Him tell me that this isn't your battle but it is Mine. I remember contemplating on if I should leave my family and go to the women's retreat in September. I had to leave my child who was screaming and kicking and crying because she didn't want me to leave (although she had a great weekend with her Daddy) to go to the women's retreat. I am so thankful I did. God blessed me abundantly and allowed me to meet an amazing woman, before she was taken the next week. He better prepared me for this and other trials in my life. I learned there God has a sense of humor sometimes, an He knows what He is doing.
So to say the least, it has been a tough journey, and I haven't always had the best attitude about it. While driving our daughter an hour to school just to then turn around to go to work, God was there. He was teaching me with the fog, the sunrise, and the deer. He gave me an opportunity to spend time with my step daughter, and we have had some great jam sessions. He has allowed me time to praise Him in my car, and also how to be quite and listen to Him. He has taught my Husband and I to trust Him further, and I now can feel Him so close to me everyday. I have seen other's prayers change the entire energy of our home.
So as tomorrow approaches, the day of decision is here. I need Him more then ever. I have confidence in what He is doing. I know this has been His battle the entire way. We just have to show up. I can envision Him sitting in that court room waiting for us. He already knows the outcome. He is already on the other side of the judge's decision. And I know that my child is sitting safely in His hands. She is safer in His hands then she is in mine. He knows what is truly best for her, and He loves her so much. He has a plan and He loves and cares for my Husband and I, just as much. He also loves and cares for the other side. He even loves us enough to help us keep our anxiety and stress down so we do not shake, or get sweaty, or say something stupid in front of the judge. He will actually speak for us.
I know this is long, but this is what I encourage everyone to do in their lives with their trials and tribulations. Look to them as a blessing. As a sign that God wants you to grow closer to Him. No matter what you face, big or small, you are not alone. You have the biggest, strongest, smartest God who is walking right beside you. He doesn't get angry when you become weak and doubtful. And when you feel angry from not being able to control something, start with controlling your mind. Don't allow the enemy to come in and "mess with your stuff." Especially as women, we have a huge influence on our family and the people who surround us. Our emotions and outlook on life is an example for our Husbands and kids. Like my Husband says, "happy wife happy life." We are women of God, and we should be a force to be reckoned with. We have a right to stand up for what we believe, and to speak our thoughts. Because through us God can shine. We can make a difference. We can change this world. God can use us to speak to other women, and that is why I am speaking to you. Even though I am "just" a step mom, I have loved and cared for this child for four years, she is my baby too. And God gave me a responsibility to help raise her to be a strong, fierce women of God as well.
God bless you and yours today. Stand strong in the knowledge that God is with you. Stop telling God about your mountains, start warning your mountains about your God!
Have a blessed day,
Lexi
UPDATED:
God loves us and has an amazing power to smile while we complain to him about our life's. I cannot count the number of times that I have doubted him.
Today though... I stand forever changed.
The day before court I began to start shaking uncontrollable, I was nauseous and unable to eat. Also I hadn't sleep good for weeks, I could feel God waking me up every night or early early morning to pray. Even then I could see his ability to bring peace to my house after a night of praying. As we walked into the court room my Husband and I were a mess. We had been crying since the night before. Honestly this was the most terrifying thing either of us have ever done. We could lose our baby. But we prayed, we worshipped and held on to Gods word. Since I was testifying I had to sit in the hall. I could see through the window the face of the Judge, the man who was going to change our life. I appreciated that time in the hall. I sat and I talked to God, I recited in my head over and over again,
" For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but if power and love and of a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7
I prayed for my Husband, the judge, our lawyer, everyone. At this point my right leg was shaking so bad it was practically bouncing off the floor out of control, my hands were freezing cold but dripping wet, my stomach was turning and I remember thinking to myself, " I hope I do not have a vasal vagel reaction and just pass out cold on the stand or throw up!" I had never been so nervous in my entire life. I asked God to hold my voice steady, and speak for our baby girl through me. An also help my Husbands and my words glorify God. My lawyer came, I looked at her, she smiled and I remember thinking to myself,
"Let's do this!"
At that moment God overcame me with strength and courage. He had provided me an opportunity to speak my truth, he had also been teaching me for years how to do so correctly. I stopped shaking, sweating, and I spoke clearly and confidently not stuttering once. God arrived in my voice and mind, he also arrived for my Husband as well.
After 3.5 hours of trial the judge stood up and said,
"I know what everyone wants, I will get you an order next week."
And it was over, and now we had to wait longer....
Monday mid day we got the word. The Judge agreed, Our Little girl gets to experience a routine and consistency the first time in her life and live with my Husband and I the majority of the time.
Praise God. Know he is with you!! Trust and believe in him. His timing is perfect, and waiting on him teaches us valuable lessons that only he can teach us.
God bless
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