Start-Up Repair

 By Nancy Turley 

It is because of the Lord’s lovingkindnesses that we are not consumed,
Because His [tender] compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
Great and beyond measure is Your faithfulness.
                                                                                                              Lamentations 3:23

Our dogs jumped up on our bed, acting as our usual alarm clock to wake us.  It took me a moment to compute what day it was…a working day or a weekend.  I relished the time on weekends, not so much to sleep in but to have more time in my “reading room” to read in the morning, pray, and do some writing.  That morning I wanted to get busy on my laptop to write some ideas down before I forgot them.  I pressed the power button and could hear the power noise on my laptop gearing up. Then, in just a few seconds...BLIP!  The power light flashed off and the monitor went dark as if a fuse had blown.

I groaned as thoughts flashed back to the last time this happened when I had to take it into the computer shop to get it fixed. It took four days before I could pick it up.  I use my laptop almost every day, so I was frustrated and disappointed that it had once again lost power.  I wondered if I had not charged the laptop last time before I set it to hibernate and it had run out of juice.

I retrieved the electric cord from my laptop bag, plugged it into laptop and the power outlet and again pressed the power button. I tried a new approach this time and held it down until past the time the laptop started booting up. The monitor screen came on with the message alerting me that there had been an interruption in my last session and then a screen came up titled “Start-Up Repair.”

I sighed in relief but wondered if this repair would really work as I had no idea what caused it to blip out in the first place. The battery said it was still at 43%, so it was not what I had originally thought. I followed the Window application questions.  It felt like it was an analogy to hard booting my own morning. And the thought did not escape me that this was what we need at times for other situations in our own lives.

The question first from my laptop was: 

“Do you want to restore your computer using Start-up Repair to an earlier time when the computer worked correctly?”

I’m thinking, “Well, duh. Of course I want it to work correctly. Would someone actually say NO to that?”

Then further informative words came forth from my anthropomorphic laptop: “The repair will not change personal data, but it might remove some programs that were recently installed."

I’m pondering again: “Hmmm…I don’t think I have purposefully loaded a new program on here, so where did that come from?”

”You cannot undo this restoration,” says my laptop.

My unverbalized retort to my Dr. Spock-like laptop was, “Okay.  If my goal is to get you working again and it won’t change my personal data previously stored on my laptop, this is good. And yet, if it were me, not the laptop, I may want you to change some past personal data as well as correct that malware I installed.”

I went ahead and pressed the button to proceed with this repair. My laptop’s reply: “Your computer might restart several times during this process and might take several minutes.”

In the end, instead of several minutes, it took thirty, but my laptop did restart and it only took one time.  It rebooted fine and was back to normal. Still, the analogy was blatant enough not to ignore possible implications. I still don’t know what caused it to blip out in the first place.  But I remembered that my first thought went to a bad case scenario. “I’m going to have to take my laptop away to get this fixed and it’s going to take four days.”

Then my thoughts moved to, “Hmm. Well, I just met a man who goes to my church who could fix it and probably quicker than the other guys. This may not be so bad and it would give me an opportunity to get to know him and his wife better.” I breathed up a quick prayer and let go of my negative energy about it.

Then it went to, “Let’s try one more thing before I give up.  Let’s plug it into the power with the electric cord and see if it might connect better that way.”

Once again, my short-lived real-life situation of my laptop start-up repair felt like it revealed several analogous lessons:

1)      The story we tell ourselves instead of getting the facts may skew the outcome.

2)      Reframing the circumstances and import of the “event” may yet bring hope and lead to resolution.

3)      Plugging into power (from God or empowerment from friends) can affect a repair or solution that will work. (Note to self:  it may take longer than originally thought, but it will work.)

4)     God still keeps the essence of who we are (He doesn't want to change that) but does wasn't to repair the thoughts and our character that cause us to "blip out!"

5)     The restoring salvation God gives is for keeps…it can’t be undone.

6)     And yet, if we need start-up repair again for whatever reason, He’ll take us back to the point it occurred and restore us anew then too. His mercies and compassion happen every day.

I Prayed

By Tawna Wilkinson                               

I prayed.

Heaven opened.

He descended.

I heard Him speak.

He filled and led Me.

Then I returned in His power. Amen.

Love,

Jesus

Gaining Understanding

By Nancy Turley
 

"You don't know what you don't know when you're young.” (and sometimes old - added by N. Turley)  (The original quote is from Lots Of Candles, Plenty Of Cake, Advice to My Younger Self by Anna Quindlen)

"A wise (wo)man will hear and increase with learning. And a (wo)man of understanding will acquire wise counsel.”

"For the Lord gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding; he stores up sound wisdom for the upright.”

 “Keep sound wisdom and discretion. So they will be life to your soul.”

                            
“All her paths are peace. She is tree of life to those who take hold of her and happy are all who hold her fast.”  

                            Proverbs.1:5, 2:6-7a, 3:21b-22a; and 3:17 , 18a (NASV)

”If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.  But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt…”  

                             James 1:5. 6a (NIV)

Recently I attended a Lunch and Learn seminar sponsored by our safety department at work. The title was “Cause Mapping.” The hook for the seminar was, “Do you know the reason the Titanic sank?” Most of us immediately went to the main cause—that the ocean cruiser ran into an iceberg—as well as a few other explanations, but what surprised all of us was, in the end, 123 reasons were found to be causes or the “whys?” that so many lives were lost when this ship sank.

The discussion was fascinating as we further learned that had just one or two of these causes been fixed or paid heed to in the earlier time line of what led to the Titanic’s demise, the ship may not have sunk and so many lives been lost. Had the bulkhead been sealed correctly, had the SS Californian responded earlier, had the rudders been fashioned to turn more quickly, had there not been such arrogance of the designer and captain that this ship was “unsinkable”—many, or all, of those 1523 lives would not have perished.

Lately I’ve been pondering about other “sinking causes”—people or things that seem to be sinking or situations where the ship is heading towards an iceberg about to tear a big hole in lives or already has. 

To what degree does the universal and Biblical adage of “what you sow, you will reap” create a pathway that cannot be reversed? To what degree do earlier choices pave that more problematic life pathway that then makes it so hard to make a turn-about? Is there a statute of limitations on how soon we have to turn around before it’s too late to alter present life circumstances, to realize the potential God created us for? 
 

The law of cause and effect can’t be easily overruled just because we are sorry later on. I want to understand my own, and others, “cause mapping.”  I want to understand the root causes of behaviors, the whys of our journeys. But much more than that, I want to see hope despite the small and big ships that have sunk in our lives. In the midst of negative circumstances caused by wrong, ignorant or even innocent choices we made along the way. I want to see grace override that and see how God is weaving it for good.  I want wisdom for us to navigate in the midst of our present journeys. I want to see a redemptive ending despite difficult current pathways. 

I do think years of life can add wisdom, but even in our more “mature” age we still are figuring out that “we don’t know what we don’t know.” And some 20 and 30 year olds have much more wisdom at their age than I ever had at that age (or may ever have).  How did they get that? How do any of us obtain wisdom and where does that start? How, does one gain understanding that provides a reason to keep going and hopefully, have some kind of happier ending? 
  

In the case of the Titanic, for those that survived, it was because they had access to the lifeboats and were fortunate to be able to climb aboard, or others held onto a buoyant part of the blown apart boat, or perhaps had the stamina to tread water longer than others and they lived long enough to be pulled in when thrown a lifesaver. 

For those of us who are drowning or feel like we are sinking, there is another lifesaving tool, that story twist that can still give us a “happy ending.” It’s when we ask for wisdom from God who says He’ll generously give it to us. But before that can happen, it seems we first have to see our part in our demise (or our need for something beyond ourselves), and admit that God is the author of the wisdom we need. It’s a cross-roads place of faith that truly trusts God has our backs, where we truly expect an answer. And to be able to walk in that happier ending we need to accept and act on the wisdom given. 

Regardless of the causes, it’s when we swim towards the lifesaver God throws out to us or climb aboard the lifeboat, that we receive grace and start the journey towards gaining understanding. 

I love that wisdom brings life to our souls and that its paths are peace. I love that wisdom is like a tree of life and thus promises a fruitful future—that acting on what we know we need to do (or not do), will put us on a forward path again. That, despite the cause, or how deeply sunk we may feel, there is a lifeboat to bring us back to firm land.

And for those of us praying for others whose rudders are not turning fast enough to avoid looming icebergs: perhaps our prayer should be that they are led to a point to cry out for rescue and ask for wisdom. Because then...they (and we) have the opportunity by learning and acquiring wise counsel, to get to the place of practicing more of what we then know we know.

And, the further good news is that "God gives grace to those who are afflicted." (Proverbs 3:34 -NASB). He does not have a statute of limitations if we call on Him to help us.  He can turn around and redeem the difficult circumstances of our lives and work them all together for good. 

Love at Last

By Tawna Wilkinson

 

Winter now, is over.

Springtime at last has come.

The sap is flowing freely. 
The budding is begun.

There’s nothing that can stop it.

Love’s brought new life again.

Light’s moving through the branches.

Giving strength within.

Once the sap starts flowing,

The power it provides

Gives tender buds the strength they need

To breakthrough and to thrive.

Their grace and form unfolded,

Reflects what is within.

Love at last is present,
Now life can’t help but win.

  

GRACE FLAKES

Your grace falls softly like snowflakes…gently…uniquely. 
Collectively the crystals gather, illuminating our
darkness even in the night when we crave your presence
or forget you are as near to us as you are.
                  
We watch flakes grow smaller then big again and sense the wooing to calm our spirits, to rest in this blanket of love, to accept the miracle of nourishment, both to earth and our inner soil and soul.


As more flakes grow into tall mounds of white help us remember we are safe,
That snow angels encamp about us outside. Continue to protect us as we trust you to be our refuge in times of trouble and stress.

 Let us feel the soft feathers of your winged love regardless of cold, flood and angst. Remind us that stilling ourselves in you brings peace that passes understanding

My Psalm 23 Prayer

By Tawna Wilkinson

                                   

Ten years ago, during a very dark night in my life, Psalm 23 came to me in a breathtaking shaft of light. The truth is that “common” scripture I memorized as a child, and heard over and over, literally saved my life in those moments of terror. It gifted me with a strange peace I was extremely thankful for.

A few weeks back, a circumstance presented itself – just one more, in a long line of challenges since the death of my dad 15 months past. I had a bout with appendicitis. Although the intensity of the experience was not nearly as dramatic as my “dark night”, or the death of my dad…. it was tough.

And on one particular night while still in the hospital, I hit a point of deep discouragement. And the Lord brought me back to Psalm 23 in an intriguing form of encouragement. He invited me to say it to Him, in my own words, as a prayer of thanksgiving; as if my life was already complete.

This is what I prayed:

“You Lord, were always my Shepherd. Throughout my life You caused me to lie down, repeatedly in soft, green pastures. You led me beside peaceful, still waters. And You lovingly and gently stored, and re-stored my soul.

Papa, all of my life You led me in Your sweet paths of  righteousness, for the sake of Your holy and beautiful name.

Even though I have walked through the valley of the shadow of death, I have feared absolutely nothing, because You are still with me.

Your rod and Your staff, although hard, comforted me many times. As I knew that those whom You love You discipline.

More than once You laid out a feasting table for me to sit at in the very presence of the enemy of my soul. 

Over and over, You abundantly anointed my head with oil; my cup overflowed.

Surely goodness and mercy did more than follow me all the days of my earthly life. I not only lived on this earth in Your presence. But am now living in it with You, forever.”

The comfort I was absorbed in as I chose each word was profound. To thankfully pray my version of Psalm 23 to Him as if I had actually entered eternity gifted me with another breathtaking shaft of light. He shed peace on my past, recent past and future. And He filled me once again, with a quiet calm regarding my present situation.

THE MYSTERY OF FAITH: PERIPHERAL VISION

And here you are, 

Teasing in the corner of my eye,
Offering peripheral visions,
Knowing
That what can’t be borne
in sunlight
May still be known
in shadow.
 “Sometimes we can come to know a thing only by averting our gaze, by not shocking it with the full force of our looking…”

“…God longs to be courted, to dwell in a mystery that keeps us aching to touch the skin beneath the shadow.”

Quotes and the partial poem above are from the book In Wisdom’s Path, by Jan L. Richardson, Wanton Gospeller Press, © 2000,                  Website link: http://www.janrichardson.com/about.html
 
“Immortal, invisible, God only wise, In light inaccessible hid from our eyes…”
       (Lyrics from the hymn, “Immortal, Invisible,” Welsh melody, Walter Chalmers Smith (1824-1908)

Thoughts and ponderings of paradox mill much in my mind these days.  One of the most intriguing to me is how those who celebrate the mystery of faith (The crux: “Christ has died, Christ is risen, Christ will come again”), embrace a truth that is an intangible tangible.  We can’t touch or physically hold this faith, but we see its rays of light radiating strongly in darkness from those who believe in the mystery of God. Faith in this mystery that is our Creator, Redeemer and Friend, sustains those in grief and loss, gives hope to those who can’t see beyond the next bend in life as they wait for guidance or healing, lends meaning and significance to unanswered questions, and cradles in love those who desire and know the depth of God’s love for them.

Right before Thanksgiving my husband Steve and I attended the celebration of life service for Paul, the husband my dear friend Deb, who I've known for over 35 years. Their daughter, age 20, and son, age 16, and Deb knew that their father and husband walked in the mystery of this deep faith. He died way too soon of brain cancer at age 58. Trying to dissect this or look at it head on, the “why?” questions can’t be answered or given justice that makes any sense. But the “edge of faith” allows us to see from a different angle or point of view—perhaps seeing with “peripheral vision” into the truth that the Holy Spirit reveals. As Jan Richardson’s poem says, “That what can’t be borne in sunlight may still be known in shadow.”  I think this shadow is the vision of faith, akin perhaps to “seeing in the dark” or "looking outside the box." Though the mystery of who God is, remains "in light inaccessible hid from our eyes," vision through faith can illuminate more clearly.

Both Steve and I each have one eye that has lost clarity of central vision. Steve, due to a huge floater right in the center of his eye, and myself, as I wait the repair of a macular hole surgery. We both however, have better peripheral vision.  I resonate with Jan Richardson’s poem and prose above. She is the third person in just three months to proffer that we can see the stars better by looking through our peripheral vision (out of the corner of our eye) than straight at them.

The conundrums of life that bring questions which can’t be answered or fathomed by looking at them straight on or with scientific lenses, may be given light by looking at it from the "periphery" of faith vision. Of the hundreds of people who gathered for Paul’s service and celebrated the mystery of his faith, I doubt that any of us clearly yet understood why he was taken at this time from his family and friends. But we share in whom he believed and we “court our God” with thanksgiving as we know he will reveal enough light in the shadows to allow us to see enough. We ache and yearn to touch God, the skin of Him in person. We rest for now on promises of hope in the unseen, with the mystery we call faith.