Throwback Thursday - Hard Learned Lessons

---originally published in 2011---
I've decided to write down some lessons learned this year. Hard but oh-so-good lessons. I'll probably reflect over time, not all in one post. There were lots of things learned!

This year has not been without it's challenges. I've faced things that I've never faced before in ministry. Things I wasn't sure I knew how to deal with. And truthfully (because you know how I love truth!) I have learned more in this past year than any other year. I can honestly say that I'm thankful for trials, thankful for doubts, thankful for refinement from a loving God who wants to make me reflect more and more of Him.

One of the biggest truths I learned was about me and my relationship with God.

I had someone tell me that I was a hypocrite. Fake. Questioned me and my life and my relationship with God. Normally I can take it with a grain of salt. I can just look past things but this was different. It was spoken by someone I respected. I didn't know what to think.

God had/has been teaching me to go to Him with everything. It's hard to do sometimes. I just wanted to be mad! I thought to myself, I could go to people who I know love me and they'd tell me different! I'll show this person (and myself) that this just isn't true!

But God said no. Wait. Ask me. What I say matters most. And because I desperately want to know what He thinks and I want to see myself as He sees me, I did. I waited. I didn't talk to people about it. I waited to hear from Him.

I asked Him if it was true? Am I a fake? Do I really love Him like I think I do? Am I fooling myself and others? Who am I? What do I do with this information?

As I was asking all of these questions I was reading a book called "A Lifetime of Wisdom" by Joni Eareckson-Tada and I came across this quote:

This is Jesus talking..."I'll make a deal with you. I'll give you anything and everything you ask. Nothing will be sin. Nothing will be forbidden and everything will be possible for you. You will never be bored and you will never die. Only...you will never see My face."
I was stopped cold. Like a slap in the face. And then an overwhelming emotion. A flood of emotion. Almost tears but I couldn't cry (I was reading it in the car-Mark was driving - and I didn't want to explain just yet why I was crying). So I just sat there. Stunned. But incredibly joyful!

In that instant God revealed to me what was deep in my heart. I couldn't have planned the response I had to thinking about never seeing Jesus' face. I couldn't have prepared myself to read that (the book wasn't about that - it was just a tiny piece). I could never have prepared myself to know how much I truly loved my Savior with a simple paragraph in a book full of so many other things.

I love Him. I truly love Him. It was real. It's true. I would never trade knowing Him, seeing Him, for a great life. Never would I rather have smooth sailing, no sin, no struggles, no pain, no suffering. Jesus makes everything meaningful. Without Him...I can't even imagine.

He has saved me. He loves me. He showed me, out of His love for me, how much I love Him. I am forever grateful for questioning my love for Him. I am forever grateful for being questioned. Because now I know, without a hint of doubt, that it's real. He is real. He is real in my life and I am filled with a joy unspeakable.

Just one of the many lessons learned.

Testimony Tuesday - Experience Greater Relationship!

OK here goes. I am experiencing the presence, essence of the Holy Spirit.  I have been a Christian for many years, but until recently I have only experienced the presence of God at church, while worshiping, or hanging with other Christians.  I knew I was missing something as when I got home I felt something missing. I read my bible, I helped out in ministry, I have church friends, THOUGHT I was experiencing God,  but had never felt or experienced the indwelling of the Holy Spirit.  I started to experience this several years ago, when I was in a peaceful place in my life, reading my bible daily, and being unencumbered by “the world”.  But low and behold, I thought God wanted me to be busy, started a business, got all caught up in the realization of my dream. Of course, the business failed, it was never God's idea, it was my own, and I had consulted other Christians to affirm God's blessing, not Him personally.    I am back in that place now where I spend time with Him on a daily basis, read His Word, participate in a bible study, still help out at church, but I have discovered His Holy Presence with me at all times.  Since this revelation I breathe deeply,  I am set free, no longer chained to the world. 

Psalm 25:14  “The Lord tells His secrets to those who respect Him,  He tells them about His agreement.”   This verse holds special meaning to me.  After reading it, I truly knew He wanted me to know things about Him, His character, on a personal intimate basis. 

I joined a bible study, low and behold, my computerized work schedule accommodated my time with some wonderful women. Which, was another answer to prayer, as I didn't feel like I belonged to any particular group at our church, and was praying for a sense of belonging.  Another bible study came along (different teacher, different theme) and continued to speak to me like a personal tale straight from the Holy Spirit.  I would read my bible at home, and go to church and hear Mark mention the exact same passages I had just read earlier.  It's like the Holy Spirit is not coming and going but is constantly with me and my experience with Him is personal, in my face, on a moment to moment basis.  I guess I want to say,  for me, experiencing God's intimacy, being first in my life, is actually placing him first on my agenda,  not, after my family, my friends, my work, and on and on.  Thank you for allowing me to share my love for my Savior and His comfort, peace, protection, and dependability.  Yay God!!

Throwback Thursday -- A Fine Line

---Originally posted 2011---
 
There is a fine line between passion and judgement. Sadly many of us, myself very much included, cross it. A lot. God gives us a passion for something. I believe He gives it to us so we can continue on! And do it well. And do it to bring Him glory.

We can have a passion for families, children, homeschooling, breastfeeding, a certain way to give birth, healthy eating, a specific ministry, a cause, a simple lifestyle, the Bible, prayer, disciplining, evangelism, reading, writing, singing etc... (just to name a few different ones, but there are infinite passions!) We have that God-given passion to be motivated, to be more aware, to defend, to pursue...Unfortunately for many of us, we get this passion and look around {in other words, take our eyes off the Passion-Giver!} and we wonder why everyone else doesn't have it.

When I was doing youth ministry it boggled my mind why people wouldn't totally jump on board and support the youth. In Children's ministry I couldn't understand why people wouldn't serve and love on our future! In women's ministry I didn't get why more women didn't get involved. In each season of ministry God gave me His eyes, His heart and His passion for who I was ministering to. He gives me the same passion for my children and for homeschooling them and for being a good wife and mom.

I realize, however, that I can take that passion and look at others and wonder why they don't feel the same. I wonder what's wrong with them- have they not heard God clearly tell them something!? (oh my gosh how prideful of me....) - and pass judgement. I know that God does NOT want us to move from passion to judgement. He, and He alone, works in the hearts of His people. No one told me to be love youth. God did. No one made me love kids. God did. No one forced me to do women's ministry. God moved on my heart to do it. I was drawn and moved by others' passion but it wasn't because they told me to be passionate about it. Does that make sense?

He is the one with the passion and we are the ones who are responsible to steward it according to His will. His passion keeps us going when it's tough. His passion gives us a goal and a direction when we feel lost. His passion tells us we haven't failed, don't give up. His passion fuels us to love, to encourage, to teach, to do something. His passion is used to build up His Kingdom, not tear it down.

Be a good steward with the passion God gives you and He WILL expand it, grow it and encourage it. And He will be glorified in it!

Testimony Tuesday - The Holy Spirit and Kids!

This was shared with me by Jen Kline, our Children's Pastor.  It was emailed to her by a precious teacher in our Merge Class (4th and 5th graders). 
----------------------------
I had the awesome privilege to witness something on Sunday that I won't soon forget. We started the hour with our usual romping (worship time) and then worked into the lesson. We looked over the promises God has made to us in relation to the Holy Spirit. We then shared together about the "Super Hero" fruits we tap into when we ask our gift giving Father for them. It was inspiring to hear these young people blurt out their experiences and knowledge about this Super Hero who could raise Jesus from the dead. Each of these kids had already received the gift of salvation.

In turn, we highlighted the idea of unused or overlooked gifts as this can relate to having access to the Holy Spirit, but maybe not enjoying Him.  We touched on the relevance of prophecy, tongues, and the ability to love beyond what anyone may deserve.  A few kids shouted out, "I want that!" and other statements along those lines.

The class decided to take Him up on His offers and ask for more. So, in turn, we gathered around each kid and the kids elected to pray for each other. This is the part I won't forget. As the kids prayed for more Super Hero filling of the Holy Spirit for each beloved child, the room changed and the prayers deepened from "make her a better dancer" to.."God, thank you for her kind heart".."Please fill him with your love" and "thank you for making him so funny" and "help her overflow with your love" and such.

Then there was sobbing. Each kid either sobbed or seemed visibly touched. I have never seen such young people do this together! We grabbed the crier and everyone hugged that person. I couldn't contain myself, of course, and tears streamed down my face. There was one kid who didn't have that expression and we talked about how we all respond in our own way to the Spirit of God and to life and that it's just fine too. To conclude, I have tasted God's heart for this little beloved crew and it's pretty precious.

He's God! My Choice!

God is either the God of all creation....or He isn't.

He's either the God Who promised a future greater than the stars and a land of promise...or He isn't.

He's either the God who changes the mind of Pharaoh and sets His people free...or He isn't.

He's either the God who provides everything His people need daily...or He isn't.
 
He's either the God who raises up prophets and kings and deliverers...or He isn't.

He's either the God who defeats the enemy and is victorious...or He isn't.

He's either the God who shuts the mouths of lions, walks through fire, raises the dead, heals the sick, makes the blind see, sets the captives free...or He isn't.

He's either the God of Redemption...or He isn't.

He's either the God who sent His Son to take our place...or He isn't.

He's either the God who conquered death and rose again...or He isn't.

He's either the God that forgives those who betrayed Him, beat Him, and killed Him...or He isn't.

He's either the God who changes even the darkest hearts...or He isn't.

He's either the God who loves deeper, wider, longer and stronger...or He isn't.

He's either the God of mercy, grace, forgiveness, compassion...or He isn't.

He's either the God of truth, justice and holiness...or He isn't.

He's either the God who's coming back for His bride...or He isn't.

Choose this day who you will serve.  As for me and my house we will serve the God Who Was, Who Is and Who Is to Come.  The Great I Am!

Throwback Thursday - Noise

----originally published in 2001----
 
Recently I heard a "sermonette", if you will, on Noise. It kind of blew me away...in a good way.

He spoke about a sound guy - a friend - in Hollywood who would go out in nature to record nature sounds. Sounds without cars and planes etc...In the 1960's it took over 100 hours of recording to get just 1 hour of silence. Now it takes over 2000 hours for that same 1 hour!

My TV, radio, iPod, computer, cell phone, facebook, blogging, books, cars, airplanes, refrigerator, washer, dryer, dishwasher, fishtank, wall clock, fans and of course children, are all sources of noise in my life. Lots of noise. Am I ever silent? Am I ever still? Do I ever ride in a silent car? Do I wake up to birds singing or an alarm blaring or a fan whirring?
If I sit outside I hear cars go by on our semi-busy road in the distance. I hear planes overhead (we are just 10 minutes from our tiny airport). I hear dogs barking. I hear tractors harvesting hay. Maybe that's why I struggle to hear God's still small voice. Because of too much noise.

Recently I've been bombarded with information. People's opinions of me, encouragement for me, solutions for me etc...It's been overwhelming to say the least. I have been desperate to hear what God wants to say. Desperate for Him to help me sort through the lies and see the Truth.

But I realize I can't hear Him clearly. I realize that He's not in the fire or the wind or the earthquakes. He's in the stillness. He's in the solitude. Jesus went away many times during His ministry to be alone. To hear God's voice. I need to make silence and solitude a part of my disciplines in order to hear the One Whose opinion (and it isn't actually opinion - it's Truth) of me, encouragement for me and solutions for me are all I need. Ever.

Let me know silence. Let me hear His Voice loud and clear. Be still and know that He is God.

Testimony Tuesday - Disciplined Life

A dear friend at our church sent this to me last week.  She had done the Daniel Fast (no dairy, meat, bread, sugar, caffeine etc..) for our 21 day church fast.  This is her testimony on the last day.

Daniel Fast Day 21:

I just spent a few minutes rereading my journal entries from the past month.  You have brought me so far in such a short amount of time God! Thank you for challenging me to seek discipline in all areas of my life.  This is the first month in a very long time that I've remained disciplined in waking up on time, getting ready for the day, doing school with my kids, housework, exercise, quiet time, nutrition - all of it! I feel like I'm a new woman!  And for most of the month I've done it without the help of caffeine! I never would have been this successful at disciplining my life on my own.  And I'm beginning to realize that I don't have to.  You promise to sustain me.  You promise to encourage me.  You promise to provide for me.  And You have, beyond my wildest expectations.  Thank you Daddy, for caring about even the little things.