The Dreaded TeeShirt Drawer

By Tiffany Bleger

So, my dear husband likes tee shirts. A lot. Plain tee shirts, colored tee shirts, tee shirts with business logos, tee shirts with funny pictures, tee shirts with sports teams. I counted them one time. And just shook my head in amazement. 

The tee shirts go in two drawers in the dear husband's dresser. When we first got married, we quickly realized that we had two very distinct tee shirt folding styles. And those two folding styles were, more often than not, completely incompatible with each other. So, I would wash the clothes and fold them. When I would put them away, I would put them in the drawer "my way". Any shirts that were in the drawer folded "his way" would get refolded to "my way" and stacked with the others. 

This method had the potential to work perfectly... if only the husband didn't wear the tee shirts. 

You see, the husband actually likes to wear the tee shirts. So he would rifle through the drawer, looking for "that one", messing up my perfectly aligned stacks. If he refolded any of them, they were folded "his way". Have you realized yet that "his way" equaled wrong in my mind? Other times, the shirts were just shoved back in haphazardly, which was only slightly worse than folding them "his way". So every time I did the laundry, I ended up refolding and reorganizing his tee shirt drawers again. 

This process became so annoying and tedious that I began to dread the laundry. I began to harbor resentment against my husband. I began to believe lies like -

"You know, if he appreciated you, he wouldn't do this."

"He doesn't see how hard you work around here. You're invisible."

"He doesn't respect you. You don't matter." 

It got so bad, I stopped dealing with the drawers all together. I would fold his tee shirts and leave them stacked on top of the dresser. If he put them in the drawer, fine. If he didn't, fine. I wasn't going to deal with it. And I wasn't going to acknowledge the obvious lack of communication that was occurring either. 

Fast forward a few years. I'm browsing Pinterest, wasting time, when I stumbled across an article about folding tee shirts. I clicked on the link, not expecting anything. But what I found started a new process of communication in our marriage. The method taught by the website was different than my method, and different than his. It even had you stack the tee shirts in the drawer differently. The more I looked at it, the more I thought it just might work, if I could convince him to go along with the plan. 

But first I had to talk to the dear husband about it. 

Neither of us like confrontation. We were both raised in families that did not deal with confrontation well, and so we both took the "don't rock the boat" mentality. It was easier to harbor bitterness and resentment than actually face and deal with the hurts we caused each other. 

Guess what I found out when I finally talked to my husband? When I told him how frustrating it was to be continually folding and refolding laundry? How unappreciated and invisible it made me feel? 

I found out my husband wasn't a mind reader. And neither was I. 

He had no clue why the tee shirts had started being left on the top of the drawer. He had no idea  how frustrated and alone I felt. 

We talked about that dreaded tee shirt drawer. We talked about this crazy idea I had to do something completely different. We talked about talking to each other. About really being honest. About sharing our needs, our desires, and our hurts without making assumptions about the other person. 

And we folded the tee shirts. 

Today, when I open the drawer, there's usually a few haphazard shirts. But they don't bother me like they used to. I refold them and stack them, knowing that it excites my husband to be able to see all the tee shirts at once. And I'm at peace knowing that I can take my wounds and fears to my husband in safety. 

You see, it was never about the tee shirts at all. It was all about the communication. 

Mining the Treasure Within

By Jill Palmer

 
This month our little town made national news because of the toxic waste that the EPA accidentally dumped into our river - the Animas river. Three million gallons of the nasty yellowish stuff came slowly down the mountain from Silverton and right through the middle of our town. Within just a day or so it had moved on and continued its journey south leaving our river a little yellower on the side but other than that it looks much the same as before this happened. 

Naturally this upset a lot of people, myself included. So heartbreaking to see this in your own town and wonder just what was in the water and what the effects of this toxic nastiness would be on the environment. TV crews have been here, the governor has been here (and even drank the water! Ew!) and hundreds of people looked over bridges to see the sludge go by (myself included). 

The quick history of it is this: We're a mining town and have been for over a hundred years. There are hundreds of mines north of us. When you mine there is always waste material and the waste material gets moved by water. And much of  that water goes into the Animas. The Animas has never been a clean river since mining started in this part of the country. It's never been safe to drink. It wasn't before the accident happened and it certainly isn't now. The EPA was trying to clean it up and the accident occurred. Who knows if it was on purpose or not. What matters is that it happened. Coincidentally, the night it came through our town there was a huge rainstorm!

So what are we to do?

We pray. 

And that's what we did. I meet with a group of ladies a couple times a month and we pray for our church, our community, our town, our nation and our world. At one of our recent meetings the Lord put it on my heart to pray for our river. As I did He showed me how this toxic waste mess can relate to my own toxic waste mess in the supernatural (the supernatural is represented in the natural and it's one of the coolest things!).

I saw my life as the mineshaft and God was mining for treasure - pure treasure. As He mines, there is waste in the run off. Basically it's always there. It's my old life leaving and the new treasure being discovered. 

My own toxic waste leaks out over time. Often it doesn't hurt lots of people but sometimes it can. Truly it's part of the process of getting it out and the treasure coming to the surface. 

Occasionally a circumstance can seriously poke my "mine" and when that happens lots of toxic waste can come out in gallons! Lots and lots. And it can affect lots and lots of people. Ugh. The ugliness of my own yuck blown wide open for others to see. How fabulous.

But God reminded me of the rainstorm He brought to heal the Animas. He does that in my life too. His Spirit floods my soul, cleanses me of the toxic nastiness and brings healing to myself and others.

I have continued to meditate on this word picture over the last several weeks and it has deepened as He reveals more and more layers to this analogy. Truly His Living Water heals my soul. 

What treasure is God mining in you right now? How can we allow the waste to run-off instead of explode in a huge mess? 

Struggling For Perspective

By Nancy Turley

“The surrendered accept that pain is always but growing pains. And growth is always a gift—even when trials are the tutor.”   Ann Voskamp’s blog (A Holy Experience)

“What used to be a hindrance now helps you the most.” Eckhart

Outside my “Reading Room” window is a hummingbird feeder which hangs down next to a six foot high bush. I love to watch the hummers feed and rest on the steps of the feeder. That is until a Rufous appears out of its hiding place and chases them off. I see it perched in the branches of the bush or even from higher branches in our spruce tree out front, ready to pounce, selfishly declaring the feeder its own. It definitely does not play well with others. I ponder why God even created the Rufous. It is just a big bully, exercising its power, intimidating others from what is also fairly theirs.

I’ve had Rufouses in my life in the form of humans, even as an adult. But more and more, it feels like the real bully is the enemy who would steal my peace by the thoughts and lies he instills in my mind. At times I do feel like I have gone two steps forward and one back in my struggles to gain victory over this. Lately, the teasing thoughts that again assail me are of fear as I wonder about the future. My body is “talking” to me more ways than one, as is my husband Steve’s. It’s easy to project into the future with fearful outlook.

I’m near the end of the book, Into the Silent Land by Martin Laird. One chapter specifically focused on how to bring our minds to a place of silence instead of allowing the harassing thoughts to take over while praying. The author talked about the struggle to keep focused as we are taunted with the current circumstantial struggles in our lives. Interestingly as I read, my visual focus was drawn to the actual printed words with the root word of “struggle” on just one page. Without reading word by word and counting, I could make out eleven times it was mentioned! (I realized later it was because the two lower case letter “g’s” hung below the line and caused my eyes to be drawn to it as they are more darkened places on the page.)

During this counting process though, I had a mini Aha! moment when I realized I was literally doing the very thing the author was pointing out. I was focusing on the “struggle” and thus only saw the words with struggle on the page. All of the other print and wisdom on that page were diminished.

When we focus on the struggle and not the bigger picture, we narrow our perspective and can’t see what God is doing.

I know that despite our real-life struggles, God can and will use them for good, despite the “Rufous bully” thoughts of the enemy. In fact, I think because of these bully attacks, we can be strengthened in our “inner woman” to combat the new onslaughts. The fear that once overwhelmed me four years ago led me to a place of courage into a “new land” which has given me much joy.  Those hindrances are like the two sided coin that can morph our weakness into strength.

Much of our individual journeys are indeed from growing pains, but that pain is a gift—it can allow us to see from a different perspective, a bigger perspective, that of the One who can see all. 

What hinders your perspective? How have you dealt with "Rufouses" in your life? How can we see our struggles and pain as gifts?

Mustard and Mountains

by Kim Beach

 

Faith
Tiny
Mustard Seed
Bigger than me
Mountains loom ahead
What's on the other side?

We must change our perspective
Look at the Majesty
The glory ahead
Beautiful Path
Future bright
Hopeful
Faith

Why Are Birthdays So Important?

© Tawna Wilkinson

Why are birthdays so important? What’s the big deal? It’s just another day you might say.

 If it’s just another day, why do we get excited when a baby is born? If it’s not a big deal, why do we feel pain when someone close to us doesn’t acknowledge it or simply forgets it? If birthdays are not important, why did the angels shout and sing so loudly the night Jesus was born? And why does all of heaven rejoice when one has been born, again?

The truth is, birthdays are important. The Lord God created us in His own image, loved us with an everlasting love, and uniquely positioned us in order that His kingdom is brought to earth through us. He bled, died and rose again so we could accomplish our exclusive rendezvous.

If birthdays do not mark a significant wonder in time and space, why did God make such a fuss over us? Because He knew when a human being is born, every relationship connected to that person brings a special effect influencing all of creation.

That’s why birthdays are so important.

How do you view your own birthday? Do you celebrate or hide?

Learning to Forgive - PART 2

By Megan Danquah

Last month, I began this mini-series (HERE) on forgiveness by sharing some of the truths that I discovered about forgiveness, taken from my personal forgiveness journey. Today, I would like to share the practical steps that you can take to see freedom from wounds small and big alike become a reality in your own life.

1.  First of all, you must know what it is that hurt you. In other words, you must define the pain you are experiencing. Without definition, it is a cancer that is spreading throughout your body, slowly killing your soul and spirit, and eventually your body as well! Keeping a journal is helpful in this process. You can start by writing a detailed account of the event that caused the pain. What happened? Who said what? Where were you, what were you wearing, what were you feeling? How old were you at the time? Afterward, you can use a series of statements to help you further mine out the consequences of the injury you experienced. Help yourself to fill in statements about what you believed before the injury occurred and what it has caused you to believe now.

2. Once you have thoroughly defined the pain you have experienced, you must own it as your own. You must make sure that you are able to separate out the pain that you experienced versus the pain others may have experienced because of the same event. You do not want to be taking on other’s pain in this process. Own only what is yours. After you have done that, it is imperative that you, in essence, be able to look at that pain you have defined, and say to it “I see you, I understand you, and I accept you.” You need to accept that the pain you experienced is yours to own and the fact that it will shape the person you are to become.

3. Next is the part where you put the blame where it belongs. I had tendencies of taking blame upon myself for many wounds I experienced in my life. It was a coping mechanism in which helped me to avoid the anger and grief that I experienced as a result of injurious circumstances. One of the most empowering things that I ever did was fully feel the anger and sadness and despair that were my right to feel after the injury I experienced. It kept the depression at bay because I wasn’t blaming myself. It helped me understand that the clinical definition of depression—anger turned inward—was true! Misplaced anger, or misplaced blame, incapacitates us and disempowers us, causing depression and fog in our lives.

4. Then it was time for me to decide to forgive. And you know what? I could, much easier. It was no longer a “mind-over-matter” situation for me because I had given vent to my feelings of anger, sadness, and despair, for as long as I needed to do so. And I had done that in the correct direction, putting the blame where it belonged, which was outside of myself and on the person it belonged to.

Finally, FREEDOM!  Let’s say it again: F*R*E*E*D*O*M!!!!  

You CAN achieve forgiveness. You CAN see a strength emerge in yourself that you never saw before. You CAN live in freedom and wholeness. You CAN heal! My hope is that this post has taken some of the mystery out of the very intentional process that we call forgiveness and my encouragement is that, no matter were you are in your life, that you take your first steps into that freedom. It really is there, and it really is possible! 

Can you see yourself walking through these steps and finding freedom and wholeness? Do you believe it is possible? If not, what is holding you back?

**On a last note, a huge resource that I used in my process which goes into much more detail than I did here was a book called Forgiving the Unforgivable by Beverly Flanigan. The forgiveness steps I used here were adapted from her book. 

In All Circumstances

By Esther Belin

 Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.  ~ 1 Thess. 5:16-18 NIV

During a recent season of practicing this verse, I started reading The Hiding Place by Corrie Ten Boom. This book was the perfect companion to this season because I was drawn to examine my circumstances. Corrie hid Jewish people in her home during World War II and later became a prisoner in a Nazi concentration camp. She lived in daily dread and constant pressure, yet she allowed her circumstances to reveal God’s power regardless of the times she had no idea how she was going to do what needed to be done. I have read several secular texts about the Jewish concentration camps that were grueling to read because they tended to focus on the evil of humanity (sin). Oddly, her memoir was a blessing to me because of her perspective to glorify God – which many times was prompted by her sister, Betsie. Rather than focusing on each set back, each moment of injustice, the sisters focused on God’s power for daily existence – truly living out 1 Thess. 5:16-18 – by being joyful always, praying continually and giving thanks in all circumstances.

This command is simple yet requires a consistent posture, an intentional effort to make fine-tune adjustments in order to hear from God so that you may do His will. I have the luxury of so many choices, so many ways to worship God/not worship God, to be focused/to be distracted. While I enjoy my freedom to choose, I also allow that freedom to become an agent for the enemy. I am ashamed to reveal how I reposition God to fit my choices. The result is an entanglement of exhaustive busyness – a “chasing after the wind” (Ecc. 1:14). The choice to follow Him requires a keen awareness to the tension needed for stretching my spiritual muscles. When I am “chasing after the wind” – my choice is to forego stretching and sag toward complacency, waywardness.

I am in wonderment of the delicate nature of being in God’s will. At one point in the book, Corrie and Betsie prayed a simple prayer giving thanks for their latest living quarters that included a swarm of fleas! At the time, Corrie’s heart was troubled to give thanks for a flea infestation, but she obeyed God’s command. Later, Corrie revealed how that horrible flea infestation created hours of opportunity to freely witness to others since their work station was so badly infested that even the guards dare not enter. While she and Betsie enjoyed a work detail free from the harsh watch of guards, they also were constantly flea-bitten! During this time of constant spiritual stretching, they were continually praying, giving thanks in all circumstances. The practice of continually exercising their spiritual muscles tapped them into Christ’s power to endure the emotional and physical torture.  

As Christ followers, I know we are not promised a life of ease; we are however able to stand on Christ’s promises – of new life, of provision, of perfect timing. I have been in the cycle of the whirl – chasing the wind – seeking a formula rather than seeking the One who can rescue me from this cycle. 

Corrie’s story is fantastical not because of the suffering but because of God’s presence in the midst of her suffering. Staying in the presence of God is doable yet when His presence involves long-suffering, meekness and temperance, I tend to seek more desirable fruits of the Spirit. I want the love, joy, peace. I want to pick my own basket of fruit! O, how I stumble – O, how I seek shelter under God’s veil of mercy. I tell God that I am His servant yet I balk and tug at the first sign of arduous tasks; I resist eating fruits of patience and self-control. I resist God’s sovereignty as the master gardener – the One who prunes, the One who holds the blueprints of my purpose.  

“He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit  he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful” (John 15:2).  

When doing a word study on this verse, I meditated on the difference between cutting off branches and pruning branches. The cutting off is generally done to branches that are withered and already dead perhaps never reaching their full potential. They are cut off from the vine to allow the remaining branches to bear fruit. Pruning is done to healthy fruit-bearing branches in order to continue the process of bearing more fruit. Both scenarios are part of the master gardener’s plan and both scenarios are painful.

Dear Readers, now when fruits of long-suffering, meekness and temperance are served to me, I fondly think of Corrie and Betsie – sweet sisters in Christ who I am looking forward to meeting one day in heaven – and quiet my soul to be joyful always, pray continually and give thanks in all circumstances.

What do you focus on during the process of pruning and cutting? Are you tempted to "pick your own fruit"?

Beautiful Chaos

      By Kim Beach  

My mind spins in a hundred directions. Nothing new for me. Nothing new for most moms! The extraordinary gift of the female brain is its ability to intake and process numerous pieces of information simultaneously.

It's also a beautiful curse.

Today has added noise - the appliance repair man banging on my disobedient stove; the exterminator spraying for invading spiders; my husband texting his need for clean laundry; my kids formulating a grocery list; and phone calls from doctors and other "important" people wanting a slice of my time.  

To organize these external factors, my mind begins problem solving — how to cook for 8 people without a stove? When can I slip in a load of laundry? How many times have I been to the store in the past three days and forgotten milk? Should I fly to Denver or drive? Did I defrost meat for dinner? Wait, I’m not home for dinner. My in-laws are coming. Will they need dinner?
  
The noise of life quickly becomes waves of distracting static building and washing over me until all peace becomes paralyzing anxiety. What am I going to do with this chaos?

Stop.  Remember.  Worship.

I must get still - discipline myself to quiet my mind. I must remember who God is in my life - My Creator, my Savior, my Healer, my King. I must make my daily activities of being mom - cooking, organizing, problem solving - an act of Worship to Him.  

“Be still my soul and know that He is God,” 

(Psalms 46:10)

Through worship an attitude of gratitude replaces the anxiety, a quiet comes to my spirit and I know the truth that He is God - especially in the chaos. 

Will You Stay?

By Tawna Wilkinson

Will You Stay? 

When all props are down and no one’s 

around, will you stay?

When you’re stripped bare naked with no 

place to hide, will you stay?
  

When the light of His love shines deep in 

your heart, will you stay?

When the pain is wrenching as He gently

restores, will you stay? 

When a glimmer of His image shines 

under the muck, will you stay? 

Will you stay until He is finished, 

and you emerge?