Wrestling with God

God has placed dreams and promises in my heart that haven’t come to fruition yet.  It can be frustrating.  I would imagine that many of you reading this could say the same thing.  God where is your answer?  What is your timing?  Are you even listening?  Have you forgotten about me?  Have I done something wrong?

It seems that while we are waiting on God for His answers and timing the enemy comes in with lies and doubts and we partner with him and begin to feel discouraged and abandoned.

There are dozens of stories in the Bible where normal, sinful people were struggling with God, waiting for His promises.  One story I love is that of Jacob. 

Jacob was a normal, stinky, younger brother.  He tempted Esau right out of His birthright and then cheated him out of his blessing.  He ran away, got married (twice!), cleverly took his father-in-laws best goats from his flock as his own and ran away again.  He wasn’t all bad though.  He was a hard worker and very smart.  God blessed all that he put his hands to.  He worshipped the God of his fathers and built alters to them.

On his way back to his home to make amends with his brother he stops to wrestle with God.  The Bible doesn’t say this exactly, but I wonder if Jacob remembers the promise God gave to his grandfather Abraham that his decedents would be more than the grains of sand or the stars in the sky.  God’s blessing would be on Abraham and all of the generations after him.  I wonder if Jacob wasn’t seeing the promise fulfilled here.  Especially now that he was to meet up with his brother who he was sure was still angry with him.

So he sends his family on ahead and stays to wrestle with God.  He laid it out before his God.  He knew He needed God’s blessing to go forward with this meeting with Esau.

In Genesis 32:23-28 it says

²³ After he had sent them across the stream, he sent over all his possessions. ²⁴ So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak. ²⁵ When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob’s hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man. ²⁶ Then the man said, “Let me go, for it is daybreak.”

But Jacob replied, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.”

²⁷ The man asked him, “What is your name?”

“Jacob,” he answered.

²⁸ Then the man said, “Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel,^[a] because you have struggled with God and with humans and have overcome.”

Matthew Henry’s commentary says this about wrestling:

Nothing requires more vigor and unceasing exertion than wrestling. It is an emblem of the true spirit of faith and prayer. Jacob kept his ground; though the struggle continued long, this did not shake his faith, nor silence his prayer. He will have a blessing, and had rather have all his bone put out of joint than go away without one. Those who would have the blessing of Christ must resolve to take no denial. The fervent prayer is the effectual prayer.

This is our responsibility: to wrestle with God.  Wrestling challenges our faith and causes us to press in, unwilling to let go until we receive the blessing of God.  It’s exhausting, challenging, tiring, and can seem endless, but it is truly powerful.

God answered Jacob’s prayer for blessing and favor.  God restored Jacob and Esau’s relationship and blessed the nations through them.  He listens and doesn’t demand a perfect life in order to receive His promises, just one willing to wrestle and struggle with God and humans and overcome.

God, let us be ones who do not fear the wrestling but overcome in faith!

Testimony Tuesday - He listens

Right after Christmas we found out that we will need to be out of the house we currently rent by May. So, we had and have been praying about housing. On the first day of the fast this year; my husband was sharing with a gentleman at church about needing to find a place. This same gentlemen just so happens to have a place that he is fixing up and wanting to rent out to a family in April. It has many of the things that we have been praying for. Even if this is not the house for us, it was the encouragement that both of us needed that God is indeed working on our housing situation and is listening to our prayers.

What do we do?

Sometimes I get overwhelmed with the state of our country, our world.  So much violence, hate, prejudice, discrimination, social media bullying... It's enough to feel hopeless and powerless. I really hate that feeling.  What can I do about it?  How do I bring hope in a world without?  How do I bring light into darkness?  Do I believe what some Christians do and think that it's okay to just sit back and let the world do it's thing because the worse it gets, the sooner Jesus will come back?  Really?  That's the answer?

Oh Lord help us.

And He does.  He reminded me of homeschool.  The curriculum that I use takes us through all of history starting with creation.  Last year it was creation to the Greeks and this year we're going from Rome to the Reformation.  It's been amazing!  And very eye-opening! 

Not one time in the history of our world have things been easy or peaceful.  We have a world history of violence, greed, war, selfishness, hate, discrimination and bullying. Every country has been fought over and killed for.  

You're probably thinking, wow Jill, this is awesome.  Thanks for the uplifting message.  

Hang with me here.  In addition to reading about all this violent history we've been studying the history of the church.  We read through the Old Testament and New, and have read books about the earliest church after Christ.  And it's blown me away that time and time again, in the midst of war, in the midst of uncertainty, in the midst of great trial and struggle, the church has come blazing through.  The message of hope, the message of Christ, has always been relevant no matter what the circumstances.  The people of Christ's church have fought bravely to protect that message, often giving up their lives for it.

We often hear about the things that the church has done wrong and I will admit to being put off by that when I first became a Christian.  I've also come to see that of course we're gonna mess it up.  We're human and we still wrestle with selfishness and greed.  But for every story of the things we've done wrong there are countless others that would blow you away!  Stories of love, freedom, passion, selflessness, overcoming, forgiveness and grace. 

People like Amy Carmichael, Brother Andrew, George Mueller, the Pilgrims, Nate Saint, Adoniram Judson, St. Patrick to name just a few ... people who gave up everything to follow the call of Christ.

So what do we do with the state of our world?  Give up?  Wait for Jesus to come back?  Or do we follow the heroes of the faith and answer the call from God?

I don’t want to be sitting on the sidelines waiting for the final whistle.  I want to be out there, loving people, bringing light and hope.  Investing in lives that matter to God.  Answering His call no matter that the world may say I’m crazy. 

I am. 

I’m crazy for Jesus and what He’s done for me.  I’m crazy for knowing more about our Savior, the one Who called me into His glorious presence.  I’m crazy to experience His Kingdom here on earth and to bring that Kingdom to others. 

Will you join me?

Testimony Tuesday - He Gives Us Visions

Ryan and I are going through a difficult season with a number of family members. It started with my aunts passing at the beginning of December, Ryan's uncle being hospitalized on Christmas with terminal cancer and a dear loved one becoming separated from his wife. All of these things have weighed on us and our families emotionally, spiritually and physically.

One night we were lying in bed and Ryan grabbed my hand and said we should pray together. As Ryan began to pray he asked the Lord to become the stronghold in our lives. At that moment I felt as if I had dozed off, yet I could still hear everything he was saying. I fell into a dream-like state and had what I'm calling "A vision of fire". I saw our house in a dome of blazing, roaring fire. It was loud and fiercely bright. It was perfectly round and fully encompassing. We could see out perfectly clear but anyone looking in basically saw the sun. I immediately thought of my neighbors (who are strong believers) as we are in a du-plex and the dome spread to their side of the house as well to totally encompass them. And then it was gone. I snapped back to and was still fully aware of Ryan praying and everything he had said. It the natural it only lasted a couple seconds, but it felt like several minutes for all the details I saw and was aware of. That week we had started listening to a message on Psalm 91.  The next day the pastor started to pick apart words in this passage. Psalm 91 is all about Gods protection.

Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” Surely he will save you from the fowler’s snare and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday. A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you. You will only observe with your eyes and see the punishment of the wicked. If you say, “The Lord is my refuge,” and you make the Most High your dwelling, no harm will overtake you, no disaster will come near your tent. For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone. You will tread on the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent. “Because he loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call on me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation.” (‭Psalm‬ ‭91‬:‭1-16‬ NIV)

The next morning watching our preaching show and having the pastor describe in depth the description of these words, we knew we had just had a God moment the night before. We know God is present and working. It also showed me that God is fierce in His protection. The vision is no less clear than it was when I had it. His love and protection for us does not fade.

Blessings,

Erin Bowers

Testimony Tuesday - the power of community

My WORST. MOM. MOMENT. EVER. EVER. EVER. EVER.

It had been planned for over a month… Asha was supposed to ride the Polar Express with a somewhat older friend of mine, her daughter, and more specifically with her granddaughter, Nicole, on Tuesday night December 30^th. These two little girls are really good friends…even though they only see each other once a year, as Nicole lives in OK. Due to poor planning, miscommunication with Shawn, and just flat being an irresponsible idiot... WelI…I proceeded to have my WORST. MOM. MOMENT. EVER. EVER. EVER. EVER. The train was pulling away RIGHT IN FRONT OF US as we were caught at a stoplight on Main St. and College Ave. (1 block from the train station)!!!!! Asha and I ran like Cheetahs into the train station…only to be told… “I’m sorry girls…it’s too late to get on the train.” I remember Asha peering up at me with her big, brown eyes and asking, “But Mama…how am I gonna get on the train???” I said nothing. I couldn’t. I was absolutely numb. This was BY FAR my LOWEST. MOM. MOMENT. EVER. EVER. EVER.

The walk back to my friends Jeep (she drove us into town driving like Mario Andretti)…was the LONGEST of my life. No words were said. There I was…walking back to the Jeep, hand in hand, with my sweet, precious, innocent, lil' girl...as the train went the OTHER direction. Asha climbed into the back seat, completely silent. I breathed the BIGGEST breath that I could muster and turned around to face my daughter… It was dark in the Jeep, but the street light caught her sweet, precious face. It was then that I noticed two big tears roll down her saddened face. That sight brought the waterworks for both of us, while my sweet friend sat quietly in the driver’s seat. We both sat and BAWLED our eyes out... I repented to her. Told her it was ALL MY FAULT. My heart ACHED for HERS… I had messed up MONUMENTALLY… She just sat there with her lil' innocent tears streaming down her face.

So...we took her to Durango Joe's to get a “peace offering” hot coco, heavy on the whip and sprinkles. We waited for the train to return (it's only gone an hour). Then we waited for my friend, her daughter, and Nicole to get off the train. We met them in the train store, only for me to get called "The Doghouse Girl" by Nicole’s mom and then I was told by my friend that Nicole was crying for Asha as the train pulled away from the station. DOUBLE DAGGER on top of an already gaping wound… I didn't sleep very well at all that night... I kept waking up with the sight of Asha sitting in the back seat of the car...tears rolling down her sweet face. Siiiiiigh... I was grieving for my daughter, her heart, my heart… I couldn’t carry this. I needed JESUS to carry this burden for me. I got up and began to talk, pray, sob, and tried my best to give HIM my hurt... I heard him say, “Text Jen (Kline) and share what happened. I am going to speak to you, through her…” I did just that. At the end of my mile long text to her…I said to Jen, “Just wanted to share this with you, knowing you would have some encouraging words for me...” I did not tell her that the LORD had directed me too.

The LORD is FAITHFUL when we do what HE says… This was Jen’s text to me:

“I actually have tears as I’m typing this. I can’t imagine how you must feel. I think the reason I am crying is because I know how much you LOVE to bless your kids. And it makes me sad to know how sad you must have been/are. I will pray for Asha and her dealing with the disappointment and I think it is SO HUGE that you prayed with her... Trust that God will instill in her a grace giving loving heart because of you taking it back to Jesus. You are not perfect. There are no parent "fails." Everything we try and do with our kids is something God can use for his glory. He wastes nothing. The Polar Express is fleeting... Jesus is eternal... Asha will always be better because if you walking out your journey in front of her. You show her what the grace and goodness of GOD looks like and you will never go wrong. Ever.”

Jen sent a second text… “On another note, I was actually just thinking about how beautifully you plan things to do with your family, how you think ahead, consider the "fun" things you can do together, little trips, going back to MN to see family. Your children have a FULL and blessed life! And it is largely because of the efforts you make and have made since the day Asha & Caleb were born. Cut yourself a whole lot of slack on the “Grace-o-Meter.... You rock. You are a kick a** mom!!!”

I guess my point in sharing this BAD. MOM. MOMENT. with all of you is this… WE NEED EACH OTHER… WE REALLY DO!!! I could have wallowed in self-pity, guilt, sorrow, disgust…at the pain I caused EVERYONE involved… But, chose instead to bring a girlfriend into my “moment”. GOD used Jen to speak TRUTH into what the enemy wanted me to sit and ruminate on… TRANSPARENCY brings FREEDOM and is LIFE-GIVING ladies!!! It may suck to share your “crap”…but you WILL be a better woman, mom, sister, daughter, friend…because of it!

That’s RIGHT…I am a KICK A** Mom!!!

Lynn Dearey