Testimony Tuesday

I received this the day after I sent out an email to the women in our church.  The topic was joy.  I asked if I could share this great testimony! 

Hi Jill,

Your message yesterday was just for me!  What's funny was that I had the experience of deciding to choose joy over negativity just before I received your email!  Here's what happened:

The majority of my income comes from the monthly payments I receive acting as the bank for a commercial building I sold.  Unfortunately, the man who bought the building is not the most faithful payer.  Once again, the man didn't pay this month.  He was, in fact, over three weeks late with his payment.  I was starting to fret, worry, even wonder if it was time for me to get a lawyer.  I left the man a rather impassioned phone message.  But as he had never ever bothered to call me in the four years I've been dealing with him, I expected nothing from him.

To help me work out my aggressiveness, I went outside to pull dandelions.  As I worked, I realized that my "salvation" did not come from this man.  I re-ran some verses in my mind about how God would never leave or forsake me, about how He knows everything and has a plan for me.  Then I started praying for the situation; I even prayed for the man and his own personal situation.  I decided that I could confidently leave the whole thing in God's hands and I was covered with His peace.

After an hour I went back inside.  A few minutes later, the phone rang.  It was the man!  Though he still gave me a big run-around concerning why he hadn't paid, etc. etc, he said that the payment had just been sent to the title company to be forwarded to me!

God came through for me and I can only praise The Lord for His intervention!  I chose His joy by committing my situation to Him and in His mercy, he chose to act immediately on my behalf!

Thank You, Lord!

Testimony Tuesday -- Casting Down Idols

From Esther Belin:

 

I have lived in the Durango community for 17 years and it is now my home. However calling this area my home has taken about 8 years.  I moved to this area from Santa Fe with my husband and two young children.  It wasn’t until a couple of weeks that I realized that I moved here with many selfish desires and expectations.  I came with my own agenda, my own plan to true fulfillment. Part of that plan included living the Durango dream – owning a half-million dollar home, being the perfect public school volunteer, securing a leisure, well-paying job.  I know now that I started building this high place of pride/expectation/comfort/covetousness ever since I was a little girl.  Durango just happened to be the place that everything came together – I was married with children – so the next step (in my mind) was to cash in the idol I had been so faithfully building and worshiping.  

Needless to say, I carried this high place to each home we lived in – placing it in a prominent area – careful not to damage it with each move.  We are now in our 5^th location.  With God’s grace, we were able to buy a home 3 years ago.  When we bought this home and land, I dedicated it to the Lord – continually asking Him to use it for His glory.  Since then, I have been tested.  We’ve had problems with our well the first two years, then last spring I lost my job.  The enemy was feeding me lies that God gave us the wrong house, the wrong location, wrong everything.  I realize now that I have been prolonging God’s blessing by my disobedience.  About 2 weeks ago while baking, I ended up shattering a baking dish that symbolically represented my high places.  That baking dish was quality glass and ornately crafted – representing all the luxury and comfort I believed I deserved, and when it shattered, there was such an amazing grief that overcame me.  Such an immediate emotional drain hovered over me that I verbally told God to tell me what this shattering meant.  

At the time, I had been studying about the Israelites and their 40 years in the wilderness.  And I knew instantly that God allowed that treasured dish (my high places) to shatter so completely that there was no way I could rebuild – and there was no way that I would longingly gaze at my Promised Land for 38 years!  God was telling me loud and clear that He is waiting for me to live the abundant life HE has planned for me. God was telling me that this journey through the wilderness is to test my faith, that He will provide, that He will protect (defend), that HE wants me to follow him, that He is waiting for me to live in belief of HIS promises.  

That day I grieved.  I grieved that I wasted so much time/energy on building my high places.  I grieved that I displeased God, that so much of my life here in Durango was built around this idol.  That day I committed to grieve in God’s presence – to be near His holy mountain – to rest in His salvation – to finally be in the comfort of HIS refuge.

Deuteronomy 12:2

You shall utterly destroy all the places where the nations whom you shall dispossess serve their gods, on the high mountains and on the hills and under every green tree.

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Throwback Thursday - Disciplined Life

God is challenging Mark and I to lead a more disciplined life. A structured life in order to accomplish more, stay focused on His Kingdom assignments and not feel stressed. Last year we just existed. We did what we could when we could. Life happened to us-we did not happen to life. It was very frustrating.

So this year The Lord has led us to 4 areas each, to focus on. To schedule times to focus on them, to be disciplined in following the schedule and to then be successful in accomplishing our Kingdom assignments. 

It's not easy though to be disciplined. Our natural, depraved nature would like to sit back and let things just happen. What I have realized though, is that whatever we decide to not be intentional about, the enemy would gladly be in charge of. Whether its our relationship with God (church/quiet times/prayer), our marriages, our children, our jobs, our homes, our finances, food (weight issues), our friendships, our ministries, rest...it can be exhausting trying to be intentional about all those things. But that is where God wants us. Not exhausted but dependent on Him! 

We are in a battle. A battle to stay on the narrow road of Christ. There is an enemy that is working hard to distract us. I picture driving down a highway going pretty fast (the speed limit of course!) on a trip and its windy. Very windy. It's difficult to keep the car in the road where there are gusts of wind blowing strongly from left to right across the car. It's actually happened to me many times on trips to Denver. I have to grip the wheel, focus on what's ahead (my goal), not be distracted by the shaking car. It can be tiring!

Making sure that the house is kept up, homeschool gets accomplished, dinner gets made, laundry gets done, the husband gets my attention (good and positive, not grumbling or complaining), women's ministry gets planned (bible studies, retreats, breakfasts), exercise is accomplished, eating well happens that day, quiet times are enjoyed, and fun happens is tiring! Especially if the wind (my laziness, tiredness or ability to get distracted with blogging or Facebook or Pinterest...) is howling that day. Staying on the road is hard. But it's worth it. I will arrive at my goal and see all that has been accomplished! And accomplished well! 

If we just drove and drove and drove without rest we're likely to give up out of sheer exhaustion. That's why God wants us to be intentional about rest. So we will push through the challenges knowing that rest is coming soon. We need a day of rest every week. We need periodic vacations that are about spending time as a family away from normal responsibilities. Times to quiet our minds and bodies. To prepare for the next part of the drive. 

Stay on the path set before us. Be disciplined and self-controlled. 

Proverbs 1:2-3

  For attaining wisdom and discipline; for understanding words of insight; for acquiring a disciplined and prudent life, doing what is right, just and fair. 

Proverbs 1:7

   The fear of The Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline. (This discipline refers to punishment but I think it's appropriate for self-control discipline as well.)

Proverbs 5:23

   He will does for lack of discipline led astray by his own folly.

Testimony Tuesday - He's in the Adventure!

From Susan Williams:
 
About 6 months ago I started a crazy journey, one that has been somewhat uncomfortable, unconventional, and really fun.  This journey has brought me new friends, new perspectives,  and caused me to  develop a greater identity of myself and a stronger relationship with Christ.  Let me tell you about it.  

Within a two week span last August, my job changed dramatically, my apartment sold, and a relationship that I had been a part of for three years ended.  It was overwhelming to say the least.  In those weeks I was faced with several big decisions.  I didn't feel ready to make a commitment in a lease, and although I loved my job it had become so consuming that I didn't feel that it was best for me to continue.  I took a few days to let all the changes sink in, and came up with what I called the "45 day plan."  I would resign from my position, I would move my things into storage, and I would spend the next few months visiting family and friends around the country in a pursuit to visit all 50 states.  It was one of the biggest leaps of faith that I think I have ever taken.  

October 1st came too fast, and reluctantly I said goodbye to a place that I loved.  I drove home with my parents and spent a few weeks in a beautiful new room that they had created for me.  It meant so much for me to have a place to land.  In the 6 months that stood between then and now,  I have visited 42 states, driven over 15,000 miles, met an incredible amount of new friends, and learned more lessons that I could possibly count.  

After departing Durango, I quickly came to realize that the three things that I had left were the three things that I found my comfort in.  Without a relationship, an income, my belongs, or my beautiful home, I first felt very lost.  In most conversations, people would question where I was living, where I was working, and if I had a significant other.  After I would answer that I was roaming, unemployed, and single, most individuals  ran out of things to talk about and thankfully the awkward  conversations would be over.  It was really humbling to say that I didn't have a concrete plan, but instead could only offer a crazy idea.  Through having countless "conversations" that all asked the same questions and ended the same way, I was reminded of how so many of us find our identity in where we live, what we do, and who we are with.  Makes sense, right?  But what happens when you none of that?

I was challenged to reevaluate where I found my comfort, my identity, and my purpose.  It seemed that because I didn't fit in any box, and that I had allowed the opinions of others  (or my perceived opinions that others had) determine how I viewed myself... something that is completely normal, and often unquestioned.   In fact, Sociologist, Charles Hortley, calls this idea the "Looking Glass Self" and explains that "the degree of personal insecurity you display in social situations is determined by what you believe other people think of you."  I could no longer tell people that I was a fundraiser, a professional, a girlfriend, or even a resident of a particular area.  And to people who didn't understand, it felt as if they viewed my circumstances as failure.  It felt easier to visit places where no one knew me, or asked all the questions that I didn't have good answers for.  I had allowed others to tell me who they thought I was, instead of hearing from the one who knew what He created me to be.  

Reading in Mark one day, I came across the passage where Jesus asks Peter, "who do you say that I am?" As I read that verse, I was challenged to think who I would say that Jesus was in my life.  Who had I let him become, and what had I not let Him become to me?  What Truths were I believing about Him, and what Truths had I not accepted?   I knew that he should be my strength, my hope... and my everything.  There was a huge part of me that wanted to believe this and find rest in it, but to be completely honest there was a part of me who struggled to trust Him.  What if he didn't have my best interest at heart?  What if He asked something that was scary?  As I began to seek what Scripture said about who He was, I began to ask Him the same question in return, "Who did He say I was?"

I started two lists in my journal several weeks ago now, and I love looking over each of them.  The first list uses Jesus' question, "Who Do You Say That I Am?"  Below are filled with Truth of who my Savior is.  He is  "Healer, Restorer, Redeemer" (Isaiah 61:1-4).  He is Trustworthy (Psalms 37:5).  He is "The Light that overcomes darkness" (John 1:5).  He is the giver of joy, peace, and hope (Romans 15:13).  He is my helper and is security from fear (Hebrews 13:6).  He will never leave or forsake me (Hebrews 13:5).  He is enough (Psalms 90:14).  He is our strength, and is able to do more than we might ask or think (Ephesians 3:16-20).  He  is our deliverer and helper.  He is merciful and faithful (Hebrews 2:14-18).  The list goes on, and daily I learning more about His unchanging character.

At the top of the second page, I have written "My name is Susan, I am."  I have filled this page with the Truth of my identity in Christ.  I am a "friend of God, and invited to share His work" (John 15:15).  I am "holy, chosen, and dearly loved" (Colossians 3:12).  I am anointed to proclaim the Lord's promises (Luke 4:18-19).  I am made new (1 Corinthians 5:17).  I am free (Romans 6:7).  I am "never out of reach or separated from the love of Christ" (Romans 8:38).  I am made in his image (Genesis 1:27).   I am "Christ's workmanship, created to do good works" (Ephesians 2:13).  I am "fearfully and wonderfully made" (Psalms 139:14).  I am a child and heir of God (Romans 8:12-17).

Each time I open The Word, I have something to add to my list as I am constantly learning more about an identity and a relationship that will never change.  I long for an identity that is solid and unchanging, Joy that extends far beyond negative circumstances.  Peace that cannot be shaken, Faith that doesn't make sense, and Praise that doesn't end.  My journey is far from over, but I am confident that as I seek God, He will continue to transform my life as I become a greater reflection of Him and who he has created me to be.  

Throwback Thursday - The Cost

Have you ever heard 'you get what you pay for?' It's very true often times. I'm a bit of a bargain shopper and when I buy cheap shirts they always seem to get tiny holes in them or when I buy cheap shoes they tend to be uncomfortable or wear out quickly. It frustrates me really. I want to be able to have good quality stuff for cheap. Not really a reality though.

Mark on the other hand doesn't mind spending money. He has had no problem dropping $100 on a pair of shoes. Or more! I remember when he bought me a pair of Dansko's for my birthday several years ago. I thought I would throw up when I found out how much they were. But I will tell you that I still have those shoes, they are still quite comfy and I still wear them. 3 summers ago I bought a pair of Choco's (nice sandals) for $100. I wear them all summer long. Everyday. Absolutely my favorite pair of sandals. And I will have them forever. Mark is totally changing my perspective on spending more for something that will last. 

You may wonder why I decided to blog about expensive shoes. I really do have a point. This weekend God challenged me with the cost of knowing Him. I have heard plenty of sermons on the cost of discipleship. But I think on Sunday God spoke to me very clearly about the cost. 

I had been praying for more of Him. What does that mean? Well I prayed that our church (and myself) would love Him more, would desire to know Him more, would be willing to serve Him more. This past weekend I experienced God in a deeper way. He spoke powerfully to me. I desire that that continues. 

And He said, do you know what that will cost? Sure I thought. Time.  Perhaps money. And He said yes...and also possibly relationships. There may be people who don't want to follow where you lead. Are you willing to still go? There are people who may not like what you're doing. Will you still do it? There may be folks who resist your teaching. Will you still teach? 

Whoa. It completely stopped me in my tracks as faces of people I love dearly flashed before my minds eye. Am I willing? Am I willing to do, go and teach what God says even if it costs me? 

Abraham was. Noah was. Moses was. David was. Esther was. Elijah was. Isaiah was. Daniel was. Jesus was. Paul was. Peter was. James and John were. 

God is certainly worth it. He is worth my all. I prayed against fear of man and fear of failure. I prayed that he would make me bold and obedient and courageous. 

I will get what I pay for with my relationship with God. I can have a little or I can have it all. I can pay a little or I can pay it all. 

He paid it all for me. He must think I am worth it. 

Testimony Tuesday -- Praying Parent!

From Sarah Dombrowski:
 
One of the gifts that God has given me (but I haven't utilized and explored nearly enough) is prayer.  While I was pregnant with my almost two year old, Joshua, I read "Praying Through Your Pregnancy", which uses a lot of scripture in it's prayers.  I have seen every prayer I prayed over him during that time come to fruition.  

One of those prayers was that he would have a hunger for scripture.  When Joshua was born, I asked God for a scripture to pray over his life. He gave me 1 Samuel 16:18.  It lists six attributes of David that I wanted Josh to have.  I prayed that for the first year of his life, keeping it on our bathroom mirror as a reminder.  

Around his first birthday, I asked God what the next step was.  He told me to pull the scripture apart, and define those attributes by other scriptures.  I took those twelve scriptures and wrote them on post it notes, and placed them on the wall above Josh's changing table.  Every time I changed him, I would read a few to him. 

A few months into reading them, he would point to himself as I read; "mighty man of valor", "skillful in playing", "the Lord is with him".  What a cool thing to see Josh do, already claiming those words over his life!  I wish I did that so easily!  Now he is INSISTENT that the scriptures must be read every time he is changed.  He points at the wall and babbles forcefully, urging us to read them to him.  His hunger for scripture is already there!  

I share this, not as a pat on my back, but to say that prayer, especially praying the scriptures, will work in your life too!  Ask God to reveal a verse, or maybe a chapter to you, something special He wants to share with you for this time in your life.  Ask for one for your kids, your husband, your parents, your friends, your coworkers.  I guarantee that as you pray over them, change will come, you will see breakthrough in their lives, and you are memorizing scripture without even trying.  I know God has something neat He wants to give each one of us, if we take the time to dig into His word!

Throwback Thursday - My quest for freedom

This was from last March -----

Three weeks ago I went on a retreat-type trip called HeartQuest.  It was here that I was unplugged and had no distractions and got to hear [clearly] God whispering to my thirsty heart.  He changed me.  And subsequently changed my life.  It wasn't just a quick revelation and move on.  It was a deeper revelation and understanding and healing.  Something I have felt so powerless in the past to do.  I had no frame of reference for what I desired in my heart.  I needed more of Him.  I got it.  He was/is faithful.  And gentle.  And kind.  And loving.  He ministered to my hurts and my fears and did so with love, with laughter, with peace.  I am forever changed.

Before I left I had been praying and looking for my rain to come.  In the OT Elijah had prayed (as God had told him to) for the rain to stop.  It did.  For 3 years.  But then Elijah prayed for the rain to come again.  He knelt on a mountain top and prayed fervently for God to send the rains again and drench the earth.  He looked up and didn't see the cloud.  So he prayed again.  Looked again - no cloud.  Prayed again.  This happened 7 times.  Then a cloud the size of a man's fist was visible in the sky.  Immediately Elijah jumped up to warn of the coming rain (remember it hadn't rained in 3 years).  He was so confident that God was coming he didn't wait for the rain - he saw the cloud and knew!  I had been praying and believing for my cloud and it came.  And He poured out into me!  Like a fire hose!  I'm still dripping wet!

So, the reason for my burning desire to blog...today I read James 1.  I studied this same book before my HQ in a Beth Moore Bible study back in February and it was wonderful.  But now I have new eyes.  I couldn't wait to see what Holy Spirit would show me with my new eyes and my clear and free heart.

It didn't take long.  I stopped and was brought back to verse 2 (told you I didn't get far).  I even laughed and questioned why I would stop there.  But I trusted and explored.  The words "consider it pure joy when you face trials of many kinds" kept standing out to me.  I believe God wanted to show me, anew, what this means for me now and how He has changed my perspective. 

Here's a bit of what I wrote down.  Trials are what help refine my faith.  They reveal to me what God wants to heal in me.  What fears or wounds need His presence.  For example, a week after I got back from my trip I battled in my mind something very powerful.  I have felt invisible. Like no one really sees what I do at home, with our house, with our kids, behind the scenes.  I hear complaints (mostly from my kids of course).  I wondered if it really mattered.  If what I was doing at home - laundry, dishes, cleaning, grocery shopping, cooking, homeschooling etc...- was actually making a difference.  It's mundane.  Boring at times.  Feels unimportant. 

On this day in particular I faced some events that just confirmed (in my mind) what I was feeling.  Immediately I knew it was a lie and was reminded that I was different.  But I didn't know how to battle it.  And battle I did.  In my head!  It was overwhelming emotionally.  I asked God to show me why I felt this way and how to fight it off.  He spoke so gently to me and said 'you want to know that all you do matters. That you matter. You want to hear a good job every once in a while.  The problem is that you expect your kids and your husband to do that.  They can't be that for you.  I can.  I see.  I know.  I care and it matters to me.  Let that be your recognition and praise.'

I stopped almost instantly and began meditating on the fact that He sees.  He knows.  He cares.  It matters to Him.  And I was changed. He revealed Himself to me as El Roi - the God Who Sees.  He met me in my battle - because I invited Him in - and He revealed Himself to me.  And I considered it pure joy!!

I got it!  The joy of the trial is in knowing Him more intimately.  More beautifully than before.  The joy is being set free!  Healed from wounds!  And my friends, I have experienced a joy unspeakable.  He came in to my heart, cleaned house, and I never want to go back to that messy place again.  I want to clean up the messes as they come and continue to experience His great joy even in the midst of sorrow and struggle.

Romans 5:3-4 says (and I paraphrase) that the trials and suffering eventually produce hope.  And hope doesn't disappoint because God poured out His love into us by His Holy Spirit - His gift to us.  Hope and Holy Spirit are precious gifts and the Bible says that trials produce more of that so then, I will consider it joy!

Then in 1 Peter 5:3-4 it says that these trials have come so my faith - which is worth far more that gold! - may be genuine and bring God glory.  Bring. God. Glory.  My heart's desire.  I consider it joy!  Even as I type these words I'm overwhelmed with the joy in my heart.

He's used my trials to reveal to me my hurts and wounds and His character and nature.  I've been studying the names of God (ever since El Roi) so I could know and proclaim Who He is more and more.  He's shown me He's Almighty God, All-Sufficient One, Lord, God Most High, the Great I AM.  I'm blown away time and again as I see the hugeness of my God!  I can trust Him.  I can follow Him.  I can depend on Him.  Nothing gets by Him.  I'm not even kidding when I say it's a level of freedom that I have not experienced before in my life.  Everything within me says don't lose it!

And this isn't the end of my story.  Only the beginning.  I pray that in whatever trials you are going through that you invite into them the Almighty God who wants to show you His love, His protection, His goodness and kindness, His faithfulness, His provision, His healing....

Shalom!

Testimony Tuesday -- He Giveth More Grace

“He giveth more Grace,”  James 4:6

He Giveth More Grace

Annie J. Flint

He giveth more grace as our burdens grow greater,
He sendeth more strength as our labors increase;
To added afflictions He addeth His mercy,
To multiplied trials He multiplies peace.

His love has no limits, His grace has no measure,
His power no boundary known unto men;
For out of His infinite riches in Jesus
He giveth, and giveth, and giveth again.

     When we have exhausted our store of endurance,
When our strength has failed ere the day is half done,
When we reach the end of our hoarded resources
Our Father’s full giving is only begun.

In my heart I shall always be first and foremost a musician.  My world is a Musical production where songs flit through my head without any provocation and I can easily  be moved to tears by orchestrations heard overhead in a grocery store.  To my children’s embarrassment I have even been caught humming my own theme music as I move through the day and I can find a song to match almost any occasion.

Music was the first means by which I heard God’s voice.  It was songs of my mom that brought me to Christ.  Today, it is still one of the primary ways God speaks directly to me.  To my soul.  My inner being.

Though it is only March 9, this has been one of the most challenging years of my life.  On so many fronts we have faced the enemy has he has battled for our family, our children’s lives and our souls.  This Wednesday, I will put a child on the operating table for the 17th time.  For the 13th time, I will sing my daughter’s ear as she goes to sleep:

“This is my Father’s World

And to my listening ear

All Nature Sings and round me rings

The beauty of the sphere.

This is my Fahter’s World

  I rest me in the thought

Of Rocks and Trees of Skies and Seas

His Hand, the wonders wrought.”

~ M.D. Babcock

It’s the song I once sang to her every night before bed.  It’s the song she asks for each time we enter the hospital.  It reminds us both that our Father alone controls each  moment.  And He will never fail us!

The poem “He Giveth More Grace” was written by a woman who was twice orphaned and struggled with physical ailments.  But she found truth in the words of God.

My own mom often sang this song as I was growing up.  I can remember Sunday nights sitting in pews, playing with my dolls while my mom would sing the “special”.  She did not realize at the time that she was planting words in my heart that when my own soul would faint from fear and my body would teeter on exhaustion, God himself would use to sing Hope to me.

My strength has failed a lot lately and my stores of endurance have been depleted.  But each day I have awakened and CHOSEN to trust my Father.  Each day I have CHOSEN to believe that the Grace for today has been given me.   When the seconds tick by like hours, I have CHOSEN to sit in His peace. 

God longs to speak to us!  He knows the best way to speak to our hearts.  Choose to get quiet today and let him speak to you.  Choose His peace.

Know that in His hand this world exists and Father God has already provided the Grace you need for this moment, for this very breath.  He giveth and giveth and giveth again.

Kimberly Beach