Leadership of the Exodus

I mentioned last week that I was in awe of the leadership and people that God used to deliver His people out of Egypt.  Here's my take on it.

First off, God used Moses.  Moses was born during a time when the Pharaoh (out of fear) had all the Hebrew baby boys killed.  Moses was saved and protected then sent down a river (again to save and protect).  He was found by Pharaoh's daughter (ya know, the daughter of the man who was ordering that these babies be killed) and grew up in Pharaoh's house as a prince in Egypt.  Moses was a Hebrew living in an Egyptian home.  As he grew, he learned the Egyptian ways, had relationship with Egyptians but also had his eyes opened to the fact that he was a Hebrew and what the Egyptians were doing to his people.  This led him to killing an Egyptian and living in the wilderness for 40 years. 

But here's what amazes me.  God told Moses to deliver God's people out of Egypt.  And when I thought about what qualifications Moses had, I realized he had connection with both the captor and the captives.  Moses could get an audience with Pharaoh because he was a prince of Egypt.  He could lead the Hebrews because he was one of them.  He was the connection between the 2 worlds.  Moses could talk to Pharaoh and the Hebrews.  Who else could've done this?

Because Moses did not grow up a slave, however, I think God sent Aaron and Miriam to help Moses' credibility with the Hebrews.

Aaron was Moses' brother (his blood brother).  When I look at the leadership of Aaron I realize that he was the one who could vouch for Moses and help the Hebrews to see the truth of Moses' leadership and plans for them.  He was the go between between Moses and the Hebrews.  Aaron had been a slave his whole life and could identify with the Hebrews.  He was also related to Moses and saw, from the beginning, the plans God had for his brother.  Without Aaron, Moses' job would've been infinitely harder.  Would the Hebrews have listened to just Moses?  Would they have followed a man who grew up in the Egyptian palace?  I don't know.  But this is why I think Aaron was vital.

And so was Miriam (Moses' blood sister).  Miriam was a prophetess and a worshiper.  And a woman!  I believe she had influence on the women.  Can you imagine being a Hebrew woman and being told to leave your homes and go to the desert?  Following a man you didn't know?  But then comes Miriam.  She was also a slave and lived her life as one.  But she was Moses' protector and saw the miracles God did to protect and save him at the beginning of Moses' life.  She also vouches for Moses and encourages the women to follow his leading.  She worshiped God along the way.  She led from the middle of the pack.  Miriam was also vital to the success of the exodus.   

Leaders don't always lead up front.  If you're a Moses leader then you have to.  But if you're an Aaron or a Miriam leader, you lead from the middle.  You encourage those around you to follow the leadership.  To trust God in the plans He's given leadership.  You encourage, you worship, you help.  Moses, Aaron and Miriam were God's chosen leaders.  Each for their unique role.  They were connectors between people.  Who are you a leader for?  What unique position has God placed you in to lead others?  Are you a Moses, an Aaron or a Miriam?

Here's how I see this played out in the church body.  If you serve in children's ministry or youth ministry or in another capacity where you aren't the "Moses" of the ministry, are you influencing the others around you to follow who God has chosen to lead?  I've had the privilege of doing this many times (and still do!).  Yes, I get to encourage others to follow my husband's leading, but I also get to encourage people to follow our Foursquare leadership.  God called these great men and women to lead our denomination.  I can use my influence and help lead like Miriam.

Are you using your influence to help lead from the middle of the pack?  Encouraging others around you to follow the children's pastor or youth pastor or other leadership?  God moved 2 million people across the desert (can you even imagine?!) and He used 3 main leaders.  What could He do with our church body if we lead from within?

Throwback Thursday - A Thankful Heart!

(originally published in 2011)

I've been pondering what it means to have a thankful heart and how it can change the way my children, all of you and I see the world around us.

It changes us....

from ewww! Gross dinner! I don't want any! to Thank you for making this. I appreciate it. from All he does is work! to I'm so thankful he has a job and is able to provide for us. from This job is hard/dumb/not fun etc...! It doesn't pay well..grrr! to I'm thankful to be where God wants me to be. from These kids are driving me crazy! to I'm thankful for each day I have with the gifts God has given me and for the refinement in my life :) from I don't like our government. I'm tired of this! to I'm thankful to be living in a free country where I'm allowed amazing privileges. from I hate the weather! to So thankful for each season that brings with it a purpose and a plan. from I didn't get enough sleep and I'm cranky! to I'm thankful for a warm bed sleep in. from My family drives me nuts sometimes! to I'm thankful for a family to be a part of. from I hate being sick. to I'm so thankful for the times that I am well. from I'm tired of the tough seasons in life. to I'm thankful for the seasons of blessings and for the work God does in me during the tough times. from I never have enough money! to I'm thankful for the many, many ways God provides for me. from I hate this house! to I'm thankful for a place to live, a roof over my head, running water, heat, electricity.... from Homeschooling is sometimes the stinkin most hardest thing I've ever done and boy does that yellow bus look inviting! to It's an honor to be able to have my kids home with me teaching them life skills, character development as well as "normal" school stuff. from A new car would really be nice. This old clunker is just not working anymore. to I'm thankful for a working car that gets me where I need to go. from I really don't like being so far away from family. to I'm thankful for my family of choice. from My church doesn't play the right music all the time or preach the things I want to hear and people can be seriously ornery and un-Christian. to I'm thankful that I am free to worship. I'm thankful for a place I can go, as a striving Christian myself, and be a part. I'm thankful for other striving Christians, even though they may hurt me sometimes. God has brought everyone in my life for a reason.

Here's to a change of heart!

Testimony Tuesday

  ---I would like to set aside Tuesdays as the day we testify to God's work in our lives.  I say we because I have asked women at the River Church to share what God is doing in their lives and families.  These are their stories!  "They defeated him [the accuser] through the blood of the Lamb and the bold word of their witness." Revelations 12:11 (MSG)---


My testimony of thankfulness to God:

God recently told He wants me to grieve the hurts of my childhood. I don't feel one way or the other about it but then a thought came to me. That's the problem, God wants those feeling switches to be turned on. He wants me to feel, grieve and grow. Second thought, how embarrassing. At my age it's kinda late in the game to not have this done with. Third thought, some people think I have it together. Ha! seriously? I try not to care about that. Up I went for prayer.

It's like when you are teaching your children to clean the bathroom or their room and you see they are doing a great job. In your quest to train them for excellence you see that lurking in the shadows under their bed or in the corner on the tile floor is something that needs looking after.  God has freed me up from many things but there are still some things lurking in the shadows and corners.  It will probably be a hard crazy making time. He loves me and I need to trust Him in this.

Margret Mondragon

Is it Better?

I've been reading through Exodus with my kids for the past few weeks and I've been in awe (again) of the story of Moses leading the people to freedom.  First off I was struck by the leaders God chose (totally another blog topic!) and then I was stopped by these few scriptures.

The Israelites had been heading out of Egypt, being led by a pillar of cloud during the day and a pillar of fire by night {this seems obvious to me that God was leading and providing for them but that could just be me}  There were probably a couple million people total and all of their animals.  Quite a sight!  They were coming up to the Red Sea when they turned and saw Pharaoh's army heading toward them.

"They were terrified and and cried out to the Lord.  They said to Moses, 'Was it because there were no graves in Egypt that you brought us to the desert to die?  What have you done to us by bringing us out of Egypt?  Didn't we say to you in Egypt, Leave us alone, let us serve the Egyptians?  It would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the desert!'  Exodus 14:10-12

You see the Israelites had been taken care of in Egypt.  The Egyptians had to provide food for all of their slaves.  The Israelites may not have liked working as slaves (the conditions were horrible) but they had food.  They had a place to live (even if was almost nothing).  They had accepted their lives in bondage. 

Oh my goodness this sounds familiar!  I know this is something I've said as well as heard other people say.  Although it can sound a bit like "It's hard to make changes! It's easier and more comfortable to be angry.  At least I know where I stand."

Living out freedom is hard.  It means leaving the comfortable and journeying through the desert!  It's hard and may not seem better.  God frees us from sin and bondage and we are faced with a new path to take.  One that isn't traveled often.  At times it feels like blazing a new trail.  We can wonder if it just wasn't better to stay back in Egypt and accept our lives as a slave.  But is that why Christ set us free?  To stay and live the slave life?

"Moses answered the people, 'Do not be afraid.  Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today.  The Egyptians you see today you will never see again.  The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." Exodus 14:13-14

My new favorite verses!!!  Do not be afraid my friends.  Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today.  The fights and battles you see today you will never see again.  The Lord will fight for you; you only need to be still.

God parted the sea.  The Israelites walked across on dry land.  The Egyptians were drowned.  God's people were freed!  Miracle upon miracle as God provided their every need.   It was better.  It was hard.  But God showed His people and others that He is worthy and His plans are greater!  We need only trust and obey.

Hang in there.  If God is walking you on a path to freedom do not turn around and look back to Egypt and think that life was better there.  It's not.  His promised land is infinitely greater and it comes with a journey.  A journey which is sometimes difficult but always worth it!

Throwback Thursday - Change Me on the Inside

(originally published in 2011)

I was driving into church last Sunday humming a worship song, listening to my kids in the backseat, and of course driving when I felt like God spoke clearly to me. It had to have been the song I was humming mixed with the prayers I've been praying that prompted this Holy Spirit visit {although He really doesn't really need prompting - basically my heart was finally ready to hear what He was going to speak}.

This is what I heard:
{and when I say heard I don't mean an audible voice, it's more like a thought that I know is definitely not mine -- the Bible talks about how His sheep will know His voice - the more I get to know God the easier it is to figure out when He's speaking to me. That's not to say that I don't miss it when He speaks. I still do that. A lot. But this day I don't think I missed it.}

You pray for other people - which is not a bad thing - however, many times you pray for them to change. What about your own heart? Why aren't you praying for your heart to change towards them? You are missing out on the work I want to do in your heart by focusing on others.

Bam! Like a gentle smack in the head (honestly I love it when God does that). I really want to change. I don't want to be the same old me. One who is judgmental, prideful, selfish...I want to love others like He wants me to love. I want to think of others before myself. I want to be like Him. I realized that I did pray for others to change. I think it was so I didn't have to. Or didn't have to deal with the thing I didn't like. I don't completely know my motive - can't quite pinpoint it - but I do know that many times I had selfish motives for sure.

Has God spoken this to me before? Most definitely. Unfortunately I can be like a car out of alignment sometimes and start to drift off course. That's when I need a gentle smack on the head tug on my wheel to get me back on track. So thankful for those smacks!

Lord, Change me on the inside!

Testimony Tuesday

 ---I would like to set aside Tuesdays as the day we testify to God's work in our lives.  I say we because I have asked women at the River Church to share what God is doing in their lives and families.  These are their stories!  "They defeated him [the accuser] through the blood of the Lamb and the bold word of their witness." Revelations 12:11 (MSG)---

At the retreat I had a hard time figuring out what my testimony is since I am currently struggling in a few situations.  I have been a Christian since I was about 10 years old and since then I have strayed – most significantly in my college years.  Coming from a background where few people I knew went to college and/or even graduated, I fell into the lie that my value lies in my academic success and educational accomplishments.  During these years, I relied on myself and others to create my purpose in life.  When I graduated, I was far away from my childhood dream of becoming a doctor.  I quickly put that idea aside when the classes started getting challenging.  I was not into the rigor of science classes, and focused on a discipline that fed more of my self-interests and my idol of academic value which also strengthened my feelings of inadequacy. 

It was during this time that I met my husband.  We became pregnant before marriage, yet when we married, I decided I needed to turn back to God since I was now responsible for my child.  My husband was not a Christian when we married and marriage and fatherhood didn’t seem to affect him and he continued with the sinful life we had together before we married.  Eventually, this lifestyle became his idol and he is a slave to alcohol – now for about 20 years.  We are still married and have four children. 

Needless to say, God spoke so heavily to me during the last session of the retreat on the topic of Praise.  Logically, I know that God has carried me all these years in my imperfect marriage.  We have always been cared for with God’s provision – housing, food, vehicles, employment, etc.  – so I have always thanked God for his provisions.  However, I still have a hard time understanding his love.  Understanding Leah as wife and mother has been incredibly insightful as to my walk with God.  All these years, I have been so alone in trying to understand what I am to do in my marriage; I know I am to submit and honor my husband but he has been negligent of his responsibilities as a husband/father.  He is a Christian now but he is still enslaved. 
I used to think that my marriage was the worst decision I ever made.  Yet, I specifically remember praying for a husband during that incredibly sinful time of my life.  I know now that God brought my husband to me, he blessed me with four amazing children.  Just like Leah, I did not understand my marriage.  I struggled with being unloved and did not truly understand God’s fierce love for me until the last couple of years.  Now I spend my energy into freeing myself by strengthening my walk with God.  I know that I not responsible for my husband.  I have found peace and joy in God because I have accepted that I cannot change my husband, only pray and wait on the Lord.  I have started to walk into all situations as a test – knowing that even though they may be incredibly painful and difficult, God will never leave me so I need to rely on him to lead me through, and to remember to praise him always It is definitely not easy but I am so glad God is patient with me. 

The world tells me so many messages about my situation – for a long time I thought divorce was the answer, but God has placed a dream in my heart that includes my husband – not only as true partner for me, but a true man of God – which is far from present reality that I have often question it.  But this dream is consistent - for many years now I have had it so I am getting stronger in God to be prepared for this miracle to happen.  Because I know when my husband returns, I need to be ready, and I am not right now.  My heart is not right.  I have held and nurtured so strongly a worldly view of what a liberated woman should be, needs to be in order to be considered worthy or valued.  This is so hard to break free from because I have at least 20 years of this pride in myself – an American sense of rugged individualism - that severing the roots are amazing painful and emotionally draining.

I think I believed my testimony was not worth telling because I am still walking it. I was ashamed and wore a veil of shame for so long.  Now I know that God’s favor is my shield.  I seek refuge in his holy mountain, where there is no suffering and pain.

Is God Enough?

I realized the other day where some of my fear is rooted.  It is rooted in the question, in my time of need (financial struggle, illness, death, etc) will God be enough.

Will He be enough if everything in my life falls apart? 

Will He be enough if what I think should happen doesn't?  Or if what I don't think should happen does?

Will He be enough if my heart hurts and my body is tired? 

Will He be enough if I ever hear the worst news I can possibly imagine? 

I don't know.  I mean I don't know that from personal experience with those particular situations. 

What I do know is this.  He's always been enough in every situation in my life this far. 

In every struggle, every heartache, every challenge, in every tear shed, He's been enough.  He's never let me down.  Fear comes in when I think that He won't be enough when something "big" happens. 

The Word says "His grace is sufficient for me.  His power is made perfect in my weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9a

This was written down (under inspiration of the Holy Spirit) by a man who endured lots of "big" things.  Beatings, imprisonment, ship wrecks, persecution and eventually death.  He knew that God's grace was enough.  It was enough for every situation.  He was confident in that.  

The rest of vs 9 says "Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 

My prayer is that when fear creeps in (it does and it will) my heart will resound with the echo and the confidence of Paul,  "He is (and will be) more than enough!"

Throwback Thursday - The Bridge

(Originally published in 2010)

A short while back I had a conversation with someone I love very much. They asked me a question about my faith, specifically Jesus, that I felt like I couldn't, and didn't, answer very well at the time. We got interrupted as I was stuttering out a response and I felt like I didn't really say much. The question I was asked was why is your way right and every other religion wrong. It was a really good question. One I remember asking when I was searching for truth. It wasn't being asked in any way other than I believe they wanted a real answer. So I wanted to take a couple minutes and share with them, and with you all, about what being a Christian is like - for me - in light of other religions.

I have this vision of standing on top of a very high ledge on a mountain. I look down and it is almost impossible to see the bottom of this huge valley. I know it's there but you can't really see it. I know that if I fall, or jump, that I won't live through it. I also know that behind me, slowly, the mountain is crumbling.

Across the way is another even more beautiful mountain. A safe mountain. But it isn't reachable. I don't see anyway across this great chasm.

All around me are people. All different kinds of people. All seeing the same thing that I see. Mountain crumbling behind me. Deep valley below me. Beautiful unreachable mountain before me. However we are all approaching this scenario differently.

Some are sitting down. They aren't worried about the collapsing mountain. In fact they are saying that it isn't really happening. That is isn't a big deal. Let's just not worry about it and it won't happen.

Others are trying to make stuff to cross the valley. Some are tying ropes in hopes of throwing it across the way and climbing over. Some are cutting down trees and trying to make a bridge. Some are building flying machines in hopes that they will be carried across. All of them know that the mountain they are on won't last forever.

I have been searching around trying to figure out the best strategy across the way when someone comes to me and says 'follow me I know the way'. I listen and they lead me to a bridge. A solid, sturdy, narrow bridge that starts just feet before me and goes clear across the valley to the other mountain....safely. There are people already on it. Thousands of people. The bridge is so strong it's holding everyone! I'm amazed that I haven't seen it before. I'm amazed that all of these people haven't seen it before. It's been there the whole time but I wasn't able to see until I listened. Then I saw because I had faith. It's like the bridge in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (yes I am married to Mark...). Do you know which one I'm talking about? The one he doesn't actually see until he steps on it?! This is what I had been searching for. The Way. Now, what do I do with this information. What would you do if you found this bridge? Would you tell someone? Would you cross it quietly and hope no one sees you or makes fun of you? What would you think about all those people around you who are looking for what you've found?

Are all those other people wrong? I guess the answer is yes. But I don't look at them and say 'too bad for you...I found the bridge that will lead me safely away and I'm right and you're wrong and you'll never make it'. No. I look at them and think, 'I know that that rope will never be long enough, the ladder will never be strong enough, the flying machine will never last long enough to get you safely to the other side. But I have found the way. Come with me and I will show you. Please. Listen and see that there is a way. One way. It's here and it's for everyone who wants to come.'

There are some people who look at me and laugh. They don't see the bridge so they think I'm making it up. They say it's a myth. A good idea. A crutch to lean on when things are hard.

Some people know that the bridge is there, they've seen it themselves, but they refuse to cross it because they think other ways will work just as well.

Still others will cross it and not tell a single soul that it's there. They say, 'I guess they'll have to figure it out on their own. Hopefully they'll make the right choice....'

Others are screaming at everyone telling them that if they don't cross the bridge then they're stupid, foolish, morons.

And then there are those who are quietly showing people the bridge. Leading them to the bridge. Just like someone did for me.
I look at my life now, with Christ, and I know The Way. My faith - everything about it - would be meaningless if I didn't actually care to tell others about it. If I know there is only One Way across that great divide then I have no choice but to tell people, regardless of what they think. I, in no way, have to drag them across the bridge, ridicule them for not believing there is a bridge, hate them for trying something else, or ignore them. But can you see someone listening to me if I said something like 'I'm pretty sure this is right. I mean I don't like saying you can't try the rope or the ladder, it might actually work for you...but for me the bridge works best." How many people will I have lined up?
Instead I must lead them, lovingly like someone did for me, to the bridge. And show them that it's there, it's for them, it's for everyone - even people who have ropes and ladders and flying machines. Those people aren't stupid. They just don't know. No one has shown them the One True Bridge. They may have seen ones that look like it but they will fall apart. Guaranteed.

I am 100% confident that I have found the way. And I desperately want you to know about it so you can come to the beautiful mountain with me.

God - Jesus - The Bridge - is here for everyone.

This is how much God loved the world; He gave his Son, His one and only Son. And this is why; so that no one need be destroyed; by believing in Him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life. God didn't go to all the trouble of sending his Son merely to point an accusing finger, telling the world how bad it was. He came to help, to put the world right again. {John 3:16&17 the Message}

I love you!

Testimony Tuesday

---I would like to set aside Tuesdays as the day we testify to God's work in our lives.  I say we because I have asked women at the River Church to share what God is doing in their lives and families.  These are their stories!  "They defeated him [the accuser] through the blood of the Lamb and the bold word of their witness." Revelations 12:11 (MSG)---


From Jo Lee:

It's a Choice!

In the ten years that we have been married we have had several times
that we were not able to pay basic needed bills. Some of these
situations were because of choices we made and some of them were just
because of circumstances. God has always provided, it did not always
look the way we thought we should, but He has always provided.
Recently we had a circumstance were we lost our rent money, and our
savings with money to cover it was hacked. God provided. The thing I
realized was that yes God could have chosen to not let us lose our
rent money, yes He could have protected our savings, but that was not
what happened; here is where I get to choose, I get to chose to trust
that God's got it and honor Him no matter the situation, attack,
or battle I'm in. Satan does not get to distract me from what God
is telling me to do. My prayer is that I stay focused on and honor Him
no matter how crazy, insecure, or scary the world around me gets.

Motherhood

I want to share with you something I recently read that touched the inner part of me as a mom.  It's how I've felt but didn't know how to express.  As well as something God is growing in me greater and greater.  No matter my ministry in the church, my greatest ministry is to my children.  I haven't always known this and can still battle my value as a mom.  But this fires me up and sets me on the path that God has called me to.

Motherhood by Christianna Maas

My willingness to carry life is the revenge, the antidote, the great rebuttal of every murder, every abortion, and every genocide. I sustain humanity.  Deep inside of me, life grows.  I am death's opposition.

I have pushed back the hand of darkness today.  I have caused there to be a weakening tremor among the ranks of those set on earth's destruction.  Today a vibration that calls angels to attention echoed throughout time.  Our laughter threatened hell today.

I dined with the greats of God's army.  I made their meals, and tied their shoes.  Today, I walked with greatness, and when they were tired I carried them.  I have poured myself out for the cause today.

It is finally quiet, but life stirs inside of me.  Gaining strength, the pulse of life sends a constant reminder to both good and evil that I have yielded myself to Heaven and now carry its dream.  No angel has ever had such a privilege, nor any man.  I am humbled by the honor.  I am great with destiny.

I birth the freedom fighters.  In the great war, I am a leader of the underground resistance.  I smile at the disguise of my troops, surrounded by a host of warriors, destiny swirling, invisible yet tangible. and the anointing to alter history.  Our footsteps marking land for conquest, we move undetected through the common places.

Today I was the barrier between evil and innocence.  I was the gatekeeper, watching over the hope of mankind, and no intruder trespassed.  There is not an hour of day or night when I turn from my post.  The fierceness of my love is unmatched on earth.

And because I smiled instead of frowned the world will know the power of grace.  Hope has feet, and it will run to the corners of earth, because I stood up against destruction.

I am a woman.  I am a mother.  I am the keeper and sustainer of life here on earth.  Heaven stands in honor of my mission.  No one else can carry my call.  I am the daughter of Eve.  Eve has been redeemed.  I am the opposition of death.  I am woman.

Throwback Thursday - Kung Fu Panda

(originally published in 2010)

Ok I know this might seem like a strange post but I gotta share this. Have you ever seen the movie Kung Fu Panda? It's about a lazy panda who accidentally becomes a Kung Fu master. It's a pretty cute movie and we all enjoyed watching it. But there is one scene in there that had some major, and I'm talking major, truth in it and it has stuck with me and I can't shake it.

So the scene is this: The sensi (teacher), who is a fox named Master Shifu, is afraid of the meanest bad guy ever, who is in a maximum security prison and under extraordinary security measures.   He is worried that the bad guy will escape from prison. Because of this fear he sends his assistant (a duck) to the prison to check on the security and make sure that this bad guy is never getting out.  While there, the duck loses a feather and it drops down into this huge hole where the bad guy is being kept chained up and guarded.   A few minutes later in the movie the bad guy uses the missing feather to unlock his chains, free himself, fend off hundreds of trained guards, escape the prison and begin his journey back to the village where the sensi lives.  The sensi's nightmare is coming true.   All because he had to make sure to make sure that the bad guy was properly guarded and never getting out. 

Here's the truth.  What we fear, and actively try to prevent from happening, can very well happen as we try to prevent it.   If Master Shifu had never sent the duck to "check on" the bad guy, there never would've been a feather to unlock anything and he would never have escaped.

Think about that in the real world, non-cartoon life.   Parents who are afraid that their teens will rebel and put the lock down on everything they do to "ensure" that they can't rebel, can very easily wind up with teens who rebel.   Husbands or wives who are afraid of affairs can become controlling and jealous and actually push their spouse away and end up with a spouse who cheats.  A person who is afraid of friends who will betray them can tend to push them away and actually create dysfunctional, fearful, relationships that are actually completely opposite of what they want and possibly be betrayed.   Our fears, one way or another, come out in our actions. And many times we become a self fulfilling prophesy.

Parents can say -- I knew they'd rebel.   A spouse can say -- I always knew they were a cheater.   A friend can say -- I could've told you that they were going to betray me.  Do you see what I'm trying to say here?

God's word says that perfect love casts out all fear.  When we are controlled by our fears it breaks down trust, honesty and true intimacy.   We become so afraid of a possible outcome - not a guaranteed one - that we do everything we can to avoid that situation and wind up in bondage to our fear.

Why would we want to live that way when God designed us for relationships? With Him and with others.   The only relationship that we can ever ever have that is risk free is our relationship with God.  He will never rebel, never cheat, never betray, never leave us, never disappoint us, never hurt us.  People will. That's not a fear it's a fact.  Humans are incapable of being everything to everybody.  Is that any reason to avoid people?  Absolutely not.  Yes it's scary to have real, honest, loving relationships with anybody.  It's a risk.  And yes sometimes you will get hurt.  That's the nature of a fallen world.  The problem is that we expect people to provide for us what only God can give.  But, I know that God wants us in relationship with others and that when we look to Him to cast out our fears we can have meaningful relationships.

I have been one who is fearful as well as one who has been the object of fear.  I hate being in either place.  I have been challenged to love and to risk despite whatever may happen.  I do not want to be controlled by my fear and, by my actions, cause that fear to become a reality.  If something happens I will deal with it then but for now I pray that I can love others the way that Christ loves me...without fear.

Testimony Tuesday

 ---I would like to set aside Tuesdays as the day we testify to God's work in our lives.  I say we because I have asked women at the River Church to share what God is doing in their lives and families.  These are their stories!  "They defeated him [the accuser] through the blood of the Lamb and the bold word of their witness." Revelations 12:11 (MSG)---



God is so amazing.  His love is unfathomable.  Today, I got the news that I will still start my new position in Farmington, where I live, on Nov. 12th.  The hours for the new position clash with one of my classes that I am taking to complete the prerequisites for the San Juan College nursing program.  So, instead of talking to my Abba Father about it, I've fretted about how I would finish my classes strongly with having to miss one.  Today, I found out that I will work the day shift from 11/12 - 11/22.  The following week is Thanksgiving break and the week after that is finals.  So, it turns out the only class that I have to worry about making arrangements to miss work to participate in is one final.  How great is our God!  Plus, He opened the door for me to continue to have a part-time position at my current employer that allows me to create my own schedule.  He met a financial need today.  There's no end to the measure of His love, His mercy, His provision, or His protection.  I trust that I am on the path that He has for me.  I will continue to follow Him.  I look forward to making Him smile everyday, just like He makes me smile.  Thank You, Jesus.  Oh, I almost forgot.  He also blessed me with a $500 scholarship for school.  He is incredible!  Thank You!  Thank You!

Would we know if it was there?

I was presented with this question in a Bible study I am doing: Do you have any committed bitterness or unforgiveness in your life?

I thought and thought (I like to give real responses) and my answer was no.  At this time I do not.  Yes, I have had it in the past, but I am confident in God's forgiveness and healing in that area.  But then I added, if there's more it hasn't been brought to my attention. 

Thus started a line of thinking about would we know if it was there. 

Stay with me for a sec. 

In my experience, my own and others, there are situations, emotions and responses that we've experienced our whole lives.  They have become a part of who we are.  We honestly don't know anything apart from them.  If you've ever said I've always felt this way or this is just who I am, then this pertains to you.  Just because it's always been this way or we've always felt this way doesn't make it not worth visiting and letting The Lord heal. 

If your dad left your family years and years ago you may have unforgiveness.  It just may not feel like unforgiveness because it's always been there and because you may not be visibly angry anymore.  It may now just feel like apathy.  'Whatever. My dad was a jerk.  He left my mom to raise us alone.  Hope he's happy living his own life.'

Sounds nice enough, but is there true forgiveness in there or is the unforgiveness so hidden we aren't sure that's what it is? 

The enemy is a deceiver and a liar.  The Bible also says that we deceive ourselves.  We have ourselves convinced that we're fine so that when we're asked if there's unforgiveness in our hearts we look for one or two signs of it, don't see it and deceive ourselves into thinking we're just fine.  Yet were still in bondage! 

Don't go second guessing every little thing you think or hear. That's not my point.  Believe me.  I've done that!  It's miserable too!  I'm just saying when you get asked a question like I did, don't automatically dismiss it and say I'm fine.  Say to The Lord 'Is it me?' and then let Him answer.  He will reveal the truth if you let Him. 

We need to be self aware.  Not self absorbed, but able to see ourselves clearly. That's humility.  Seeing ourselves from a real perspective - good and bad.  God doesn't want us to dwell in either place.  We just need to know the good we are capable of as well as the bad.  We can praise Him for one and receive forgiveness and healing for the other. 

Where are you at today?  Do you have any committed bitterness or unforgiveness in your life?